O cone all ye faithful

So on Tuesday a week ago after supper, after dark, I was in the front room, decorating the tree.

That was because I wanted to get it ready so that Allissa and Melanie could plug in the lights on Thanksgiving night, kicking off Christmas.

Earlier in the week I'd asked TG to bring down from Erica's old room a small portable television that has a built-in VHS player.

That was because I wanted to see the late George C. Scott -- again -- in A Christmas Carol.

We've watched that movie at least once every Christmas season since it was made in 1984. It is by far my favorite version of the Charles Dickens Christmas classic.

(Although I do admit to a burgeoning fondness for another, more recent, remake: the 2009 animated version with Jim Carrey as Scrooge. It's pretty good.)

If you and your family go with the 1938 Reginald Owen A Christmas Carol or the 1951 Alastair Sim Scrooge ... well, all I can say is bah humbug.

Just kidding. It's a matter of personal taste but for me, George C. Scott is just about the only Ebenezer worth watching.

Would you stand for anyone else as General Patton? Of course not. It's unthinkable.

Christmastime circa 1995 a thoughtful family friend, learning that I loved the General Patton version of A Christmas Carol and did not own it on videocassette, showed up at our door unnannounced.

He handed me a big white plastic book-like case with George C. Scott in black frock coat, Amanda Pleasence in Ghost-Of-Christmas-Pastly white, and Edward Woodward in fur-iced green velvet, Victorian London at their feet, on the cover. 

I was overcome! My own videocassette of my favorite A Christmas Carol! Now I didn't have to wait for it to be shown on TV, or watch it with commercials!

I could pause and rewind the best parts, like when a sobbing Scrooge scrubs the snow from his own gravestone, or when the ghost of Jacob Marley removes the cloth holding up his decomposed jaw and bawls: MUCH!

Steve? If you're reading, thanks again. You're a diamond, mate.

I refuse to replace the gift with a DVD and will only watch the movie on that treasured tape.

At any rate I had A Christmas Carol going and as I applied all the time and energy required to getting the ornaments just right, I ran out of movie.

Since it was already the second time I'd seen A Christmas Carol this year (I'd watched it the night before while arranging the tree's seven hundred lights), I decided to switch to another favorite Christmas movie: The Man Who Came To Dinner, which I also own only in VHS format.

And while I was doing that, I noticed very bright red lights moving in a strange way in the street in front of our house.

Thinking there had been some sort of accident (although I'd heard no crash or crunch), I went to the front door and opened it for an unobstructed view.

But there was only one car and as I flipped on the porch lights and stepped out, said lone vehicle sped away down the street. I watched as it hung a right at the stop sign.

Mmmmkay. I continued embellishing my brightly-lit fake tree. From the chunky TV with the wheezy old-school VHS slot-cave, Sheridan Whiteside's acid one-liners continued to rain down on the heads of his unfortunate retinue.

I don't know whether you're acquainted with the story, but "Sherry" Whiteside is a world-famous author, lecturer, and bon vivant who has tripped and fallen on front steps belonging to Ernest and Daisy Stanley of Mesalia, Ohio, as he arrives at their house in the role of dinner guest.

Wheelchair-bound and unable to go on his way following the mishap, he promptly appropriates the Stanleys' domicile, forbidding them even to use their own telephone.

There are so many good sarcastic lines it's almost an embarrassment of riches. But Sherry's thundered directive to the butler, when the phone inevitably rings: Tell them the Stanleys have been arrested for peddling dope! is among my top five favorites.

Another is the one he spits at Mary Wickes, who plays his poor beleaguered nurse, Miss Preen, when she chides him for eating candy: My great aunt Jennifer ate a whole box of candy every day of her life. She lived to be a hundred and two, and when she'd been dead three days she looked better than you do now!

That's right after he demands that she take her clammy hand off his chair, declaring: You have the touch of a love-starved cobra!

And I like it when he barks at Bette Davis/Maggie Cutler: Shut your nasty little face!

Anyway. I was having fun decorating and watching/listening to the movie and watching/listening for the sound of Erica arriving in town from the Atlanta area where she lives, to spend Thanksgiving with us.

She finally did arrive, after the tree was done and the movies were over and the TV was silent. I was waiting, admiring my handiwork, no doubt thinking rather highly of my tree-trimming prowess, when she walked in. 

We chatted and visited for awhile and it got very late. In fact, it was well past midnight when Erica, glancing out of the window, exclaimed that something was going on in the street.

I rushed to the window and moved the curtain aside and looked down (our front room is up high) at what I was certain was the same car I'd seen loitering in front, then speeding away, about three hours earlier.

Only this time, someone was outside of the car, doing something nefarious-looking in our driveway beside TG's work van.

Erica said, "He's throwing a big cone up on top of Dad's van!"

Just then, the alleged cone-wielding prankster dashed back to the passenger side of the getaway car. Only to do that, he had to run in front of the headlights, which appeared to be on high beam.

I didn't recognize the lad but when I find out who he is, he's getting an extra helping of coal in his stocking. Then I'll paint a verbal picture for him of Christmas-Yet-To-Come for reckless vandals.

I hollered for TG. I didn't think we were in any danger but I did think maybe he'd want to know he was being coned in the wee hours of the morning.

When Erica and I told him what had happened, TG called the police. They talked to me, since I'd gotten a fairly good look at one of the perpetrators. I told them all I knew.

That took twenty seconds.

Then Erica and I, yawning, espying even through the one-o'clock-in-the-ayem blackness the glow-in-the-dark white-and-orangeness of the big cone still on top of TG's work van, ceased to care and went to bed.

TG plucked the cone from the roof of his van and placed it on the asphalt beside our driveway the next morning. Now it's over at the edge of the neighbor's yard across the street. I don't know how it got there.

I'd wager it's watching for the opportune moment to ... I don't know. Avenge us. Cone vengeance is not a thing to be trifled with!

Meanwhile ... have some candy! It'll make you look good even if your name isn't Jennifer.

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Happy Wednesday! Merry Christmas!

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Comments

[glenda]

Haha....eat candy and look good at 102, oh yeah, it's good with me. And the George C. Scott version of A Christmas Carol has always been my favorite too.Sad to say, in a fit of generosity I gave away my last little TV that had a VHS player. And what a thoughtful gift from your friend, enjoyed these many years later. I've missed it ever since. So, I have to resort to a DVD. I love the warm and welcoming look in the first picture of your house. Have you got a hot cup of tea ready my friend? And, now, not having seen this ,The Man Who Came To Dinner, it will be viewed by me soon!! Meanwhile, cone vengeance, mercy me, how original, or not. When I was a teenager someone dropped off a blinking one in my front yard. So, if it's the same pranksters that did that to me, NO WORRIES.....They're pretty old now and can't run too fast. Still, I don't like anyone prowling around your house in the wee hours. Not good!!!!......................G.

[Donna M.]

How strange to be "coned." Is this the latest prank going on?

Oh yes, I agree about George C. Scott. He was perfect as Scrooge and Patton!

[Mari]

We have the VHS tape of George C Scott as Scrooge too. It really is the best version.
The cone incident is a strange one. Hope that's the end of it!

[Erica]

Haha...it's there because I put it back there! I don't think I told you that when we went for a walk on Thursday I think I saw that vehicle parked in a driveway. TURKEYS!!

[irene]

I think I would be a little put off with the coning too, I like the George C version as well. We watch if every year too.

[Sue the Hobbit]

Coning? You were coned? I am all at sea. Maybe it was a good thing, as in "we really like you so we're going to put this cone on top of your van". When I was young, we only pranked people we liked. I was really jealous of the teacher who woke up to find a toilet on his front lawn one Halloween.
Just think. It could have been a toilet.

[Donna (Texas)]

It's BOTH...1938 and 1951 versions for me!!!Hahaaaaa...My Favorites!
Sorry y'all were coned...could they find any fingerprints? Was the culprit wearing gloves?
hughugs