Bring Me That Horizon

Welcome to jennyweber dot com

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Home of Jenny the Pirate

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This will go better if you

check your expectations at the door.

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We're not big on logic

but there's no shortage of irony.

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 Nice is different than good.

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Oh and ...

I flunked charm school.

So what.

Can't write anything.

= Jennifer =

Causing considerable consternation
to many fine folk since 1957

Pepper and me ... Seattle 1962

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Belay That!

This blog does not contain and its author will not condone profanity, crude language, or verbal abuse. Commenters, you are welcome to speak your mind but do not cuss or I will delete either the word or your entire comment, depending on my mood. Continued use of bad words or inappropriate sentiments will result in the offending individual being banned, after which they'll be obliged to walk the plank. Thankee for your understanding and compliance.

= Jenny the Pirate =

Hoist The Colors

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Insist on yourself; never imitate.

Your own gift you can present

every moment

with the cumulative force

of a whole life’s cultivation;

but of the adopted talent of another

you have only an extemporaneous

half possession.

That which each can do best,

none but his Maker can teach him.

= Ralph Waldo Emerson =

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Represent:

The Black Velvet Coat

In The Market, As It Were

 

 

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Columbia Cemetery

To read my articles, click HERE! And don't forget to subscribe.

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Contributor to

American Cemetery

published by Kates-Boylston

A Pistol With One Shot

Ecstatically shooting everything in sight using my beloved Nikon D3100 with AF-S DX Nikkor 18-55mm 1:3.5-5.6G VR kit lens and AF-S Nikkor 50mm f/1.8 G prime lens.

Also capturing outrageous beauty left and right with my Nikon D7000 blissfully married to my Nikkor 85mm f/1.4D AF prime glass. Don't be jeal.

And then there was the Nikon AF-S DX NIKKOR 18-200mm f:3.5-5.6G ED VR II zoom. We're done here.

Dying Is A Day Worth Living For

I am a taphophile

Word. Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Great things are happening at

Find A Grave

If you don't believe me, click the pics.

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Dying is a wild night

and a new road.

Emily Dickinson

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REMEMBRANCE

When I am gone

Please remember me

 As a heartfelt laugh,

 As a tenderness.

 Hold fast to the image of me

When my soul was on fire,

The light of love shining

Through my eyes.

Remember me when I was singing

And seemed to know my way.

Remember always

When we were together

And time stood still.

Remember most not what I did,

Or who I was;

Oh please remember me

For what I always desired to be:

A smile on the face of God.

David Robert Brooks
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 Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

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Keep To The Code

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You Want To Find This
The Promise Of Redemption

Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not;

But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:

In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake.

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.

So then death worketh in us, but life in you.

We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I BELIEVED, AND THEREFORE HAVE I SPOKEN; we also believe, and therefore speak;

Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.

For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

II Corinthians 4

Freedom is a fragile thing and is never more than one generation away from extinction. It is not ours by inheritance; it must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people. Those who have known freedom and then lost it, have never known it again.

~ Ronald Reagan

Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Not Without My Effects

My Compass Works Fine

The Courage Of Our Hearts

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Daft Like Jack

 "I can name fingers and point names ..."

And We'll Sing It All The Time
  • Elements Series: Fire
    Elements Series: Fire
    by Peter Kater
  • Danny Wright Healer of Hearts
    Danny Wright Healer of Hearts
    by Danny Wright
  • Grace
    Grace
    Old World Records
  • The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    Stone Angel Music, Inc.
  • Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Real Music
  • Copia
    Copia
    Temporary Residence Ltd.
  • The Poet: Romances for Cello
    The Poet: Romances for Cello
    Spring Hill Music
  • Nightfall
    Nightfall
    Narada Productions, Inc.
  • Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    RCA
  • The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    by William Voegeli
  • The Art of Memoir
    The Art of Memoir
    by Mary Karr
  • The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    by Emily Dickinson
  • Among The Dead: My Years in The Port Mortuary
    Among The Dead: My Years in The Port Mortuary
    by John W. Harper
  • On Writing Well, 30th Anniversary Edition: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction
    On Writing Well, 30th Anniversary Edition: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction
    by William Zinsser
  • Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    by Steven Milloy
  • The Amateur
    The Amateur
    by Edward Klein
  • Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    by Matt Barber, Paul Hair
  • In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
  • Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
    Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
    by Tod Benoit
  • Bird Brains: The Intelligence of Crows, Ravens, Magpies, and Jays
    Bird Brains: The Intelligence of Crows, Ravens, Magpies, and Jays
    by Candace Savage
  • Gifts of the Crow: How Perception, Emotion, and Thought Allow Smart Birds to Behave Like Humans
    Gifts of the Crow: How Perception, Emotion, and Thought Allow Smart Birds to Behave Like Humans
    by John Marzluff Ph.D., Tony Angell
  • Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    by Andrew Breitbart
  • 11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    by Paul Kengor
  • Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    by Bernd Heinrich
  • Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    by Matthew Rolston
  • Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    by Todd Harra, Ken McKenzie
  • America's Steadfast Dream
    America's Steadfast Dream
    by E. Merrill Root
  • Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    by Alexandra Day
  • Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
    Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
    by Lynne Truss
  • The American Way of Death Revisited
    The American Way of Death Revisited
    by Jessica Mitford
  • In Six Days : Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation
    In Six Days : Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation
    Master Books
  • Architects of Ruin: How big government liberals wrecked the global economy---and how they will do it again if no one stops them
    Architects of Ruin: How big government liberals wrecked the global economy---and how they will do it again if no one stops them
    by Peter Schweizer
  • Grave Influence: 21 Radicals and Their Worldviews That Rule America From the Grave
    Grave Influence: 21 Radicals and Their Worldviews That Rule America From the Grave
    by Brannon Howse
  • Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow: The Tragic Courtship and Marriage of Paul Laurence Dunbar and Alice Ruth Moore
    Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow: The Tragic Courtship and Marriage of Paul Laurence Dunbar and Alice Ruth Moore
    by Eleanor Alexander
Easy On The Goods
  • Waiting for
    Waiting for "Superman"
    starring Geoffrey Canada, Michelle Rhee
  • The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    starring Bette Davis, Ernest Borgnine, Debbie Reynolds, Barry Fitzgerald, Rod Taylor
  • Bernie
    Bernie
    starring Jack Black, Shirley MacLaine, Matthew McConaughey
  • Remember the Night
    Remember the Night
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, Fred MacMurray, Beulah Bondi, Elizabeth Patterson, Sterling Holloway
  • The Ox-Bow Incident
    The Ox-Bow Incident
    starring Henry Fonda, Dana Andrews, Mary Beth Hughes, Anthony Quinn, William Eythe
  • The Bad Seed
    The Bad Seed
    starring Nancy Kelly, Patty McCormack, Henry Jones, Eileen Heckart, Evelyn Varden
  • Shadow of a Doubt
    Shadow of a Doubt
    starring Teresa Wright, Joseph Cotten, Macdonald Carey, Patricia Collinge, Henry Travers
  • The More The Merrier
    The More The Merrier
    starring Jean Arthur, Joel McCrea, Charles Coburn, Bruce Bennett, Ann Savage
  • Act of Valor
    Act of Valor
    starring Alex Veadov, Roselyn Sanchez, Nestor Serrano
  • Deep Water
    Deep Water
    starring Tilda Swinton, Donald Crowhurst, Jean Badin, Clare Crowhurst, Simon Crowhurst
  • Sunset Boulevard
    Sunset Boulevard
    starring William Holden, Gloria Swanson, Erich Von Stroheim, Nancy Olson, Fred Clark
  • Penny Serenade
    Penny Serenade
    starring Cary Grant, Irene Dunne, Edgar Buchanan, Beulah Bondi
  • Double Indemnity
    Double Indemnity
    starring Fred MacMurray, Barbara Stanwyck, Edward G. Robinson, Porter Hall, Jean Heather
  • Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    starring Gary Anthony Williams
  • Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Passion River
  • It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    starring Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert
  • Stella Dallas
    Stella Dallas
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, John Boles, Anne Shirley, Barbara O'Neil, Alan Hale
  • The Iron Lady
    The Iron Lady
    starring Meryl Streep, Jim Broadbent, Harry Lloyd, Anthony Head, Alexandra Roach
  • Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    starring Peter Sallis, Anne Reid, Sally Lindsay, Melissa Collier, Sarah Laborde
  • The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    starring Red Balloon
  • Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    starring William Holden, Don Taylor, Otto Preminger, Robert Strauss, Harvey Lembeck
  • The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    starring Ginger Rogers, Ray Milland
  • My Dog Skip
    My Dog Skip
    starring Frankie Muniz, Diane Lane, Luke Wilson, Kevin Bacon
  • Sabrina
    Sabrina
    starring Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, William Holden, Walter Hampden, John Williams
  • The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    starring Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, Shirley Temple, Rudy Vallee, Ray Collins
  • Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jack Davenport
  • Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    starring Bette Davis, Paul Henreid, Claude Rains, Gladys Cooper, John Loder
  • The Trip To Bountiful
    The Trip To Bountiful
  • Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
    Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
That Dog Is Never Going To Move

~ RIP JAVIER ~

1999-2016

Columbia's Finest Chihuahua

Simple. Easy To Remember.

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One Word, Luv: Curiosity

Thursday
Mar162017

See Pittsburgh and die

I can confidently confirm that spring has not come to Appalachia.

TG and I spent much of last week in Pittsburgh.

Why we were there is a longish story but it resulted in a late-winter sojourn that was lightish on sojourn but heavy on winter.

As in, it was so cold, I feared I'd perish.

Yes; I am given to hyperbole. It's how we roll on I'm Having A Thought Here. Deal or click out.

(It's funny because I am often colder in my own house than I was in Pittsburgh. I keep it cool in my house; bring a sweater and an extra pair of socks when you visit. Year round.)

But I have a barely-used warm winter coat and having lived in the Chicago area for many years, I know how to dress for cold. Ergo I was bone-chilly only a few times and not for very long.

Still. You may have it because I don't want it. The cold weather, that is. I'll keep my winter coat.

So anyway. Pittsburgh.

OK it's a fetching city -- mountainous, cold (did I mention?), steel/rust belt, seriously industrial-north vibe notwithstanding. It has a certain wild, raw appeal.

In another post I'll tell you about the time we spent within the hilly chilly confines of the city's historic Allegheny Cemetery -- initial interments circa 1844 -- and the way I clambered around massive monuments in wind-driven snow and temps in the twenties, not knowing where to aim my camera first.

It was almost too much to take in.

But that was the whole first day. I'm still trying to get the photos edited. On day two (second verse colder than the first), we visited the world-famous Duquesne Incline.

Upon seeing how steep the one-hundred-fifty-year-old transportation system actually is, I nearly declined to board said incline.

But it was so freakishly frigid on the platform (and on the stairs and overpass leading to it from the parking lot), I was happy for the relative warmth of an unheated antique trolley car clinging to the side of a snowswept mountain.

Once perched on a time-worn wooden bench in said bright-red car, I aimed my camera out the window at the view. You can see the reflection of the windows in this photo.

Also the sun had emerged briefly from the clouds scudding across the blustery blue-gray sky.

Have I even mentioned the wind? A man from Canada remarked to TG that it's cold where he lives but not as windy as Pittsburgh.

Be that as it may, I have been to Canada in the winter and you are welcome to that whole scene too.

But it was fun as long as you didn't look down. And I didn't. Only up and out, and mostly through my camera lens. The single degree of separation helped.

Once at the tippy top, TG and I emerged into a small building that serves as the station, up on the mountain in a neighborhood known as Duquesne Heights.

Apparently the wind had died down for a moment. Note the flag lying limp. Trust me: it was a momentary lapse.

We took a tour of the inner workings of the incredible feat of nineteenth-century engineering that is the Duquesne Incline. Where they change the lifting/lowering cables every two years whether they need it or not.

The trolleys run (one up and one down, at the same time, passing one another at one point in each ascent/descent) three hundred sixty-five days a year.

Except on Sundays and holidays -- when the trolleys are fired up at the decadently late hour of seven -- the transport begins churning every day at five forty-five in the morning and the last runs at twelve forty-five the next morning.

Then the twin trolleys take a five-hour breather before reviving for the continuous ups and downs of a new day.

We took in the breathtaking views of the town known for its bridges, for the manufacture of glass, for the University of Pittsburgh, and for the Pirates and the Steelers, from the outdoor overlook.

We plundered the gift shop, buying souvenirs for ourselves plus the children and grandchildren. I got a miniature replica of a red trolley to hang on my Christmas tree later this year.

After that, there wasn't much else to do. A few restaurants cling to the mountainside, offering magnificent views of Pittsburgh poised at the confluence of the Ohio, Allegheny, and Monongahela Rivers.

But they were expensive and besides, it was too early to eat. So we boarded the next departing trolley and were carried back down the mountain where we once again traversed the overpass and descended the stairs to our shivering car.

We'd bought more parking time than we could use, so TG gave our dashboard ticket to a young couple just arriving. It was our way of helping to make America great again.

Then we drove around with our seat-warmers on, and actually ended up back out at Allegheny Cemetery. In the post where I tell you about that, I'll reveal why we were drawn there twice in two days.

Altogether it was a uniquely interesting and most informative and supremely enjoyable trip.

I sort of wish you could have been there with me but since you couldn't, now I sort of feel that you were.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Thursday

Thursday
Mar022017

Not without my effects

So it turns out my new dog isn't perfect after all.

He has a teensy-weensy flaw.

Or maybe we would be more accurate in describing it as a condition.

He suffers from a particular canine malady known as Pica.

Although we probably should not characterize him as suffering.

Because Rizzo glories in it.

To quote the Internet:

Pica is a medical issue referring to a dog's craving of a non-food item and the subsequent eating of that item.

Rizzo's got a king-sized case of Pica.

As in (I've reported this to you before) he loves to eat everything outside.

To include: pine cones, pine needles, tree bark, sticks, flowers, acorns, grass, leaves, dirt, and even rocks.

Yes; rocks. My dog is a rock star.

(I say this although I have never actually seen Rizzo ingest a rock. But I have seen him with a rock in his mouth and I'm pretty sure you'll agree that this begs the question: What's next?)

(Swallowing is what's next.)

But try ridding your yard of every one of those things! A massive White Oak towers over our house in front. The back privacy fence is ringed with conifers just as towering.

The climate is sub-tropical. This may as well be a jungle. And that means a 24-hour buffet for a dog with Pica.

I've had Rizzo for seven weeks and you don't want to know how much natural-type detritus I've had to clean off the back steps leading to the deck and pool, just outside our kitchen French doors.

Stuff he leaves there after he's done snacking: Chunks of wood. Flower stems. Half-eaten acorns. Mangled sticks. Remnants of leaves.

I tried going outside with him and barking Leave it! every time he even sniffed at something.

He just looked at me before playfully cavorting with another pine cone, or bringing a stick up to the steps for a nosh.

Rizzo! You'll get splinters! I admonished.

Splinters schplinters, his expression replied.

This from a dog who, when inside the house, will chew only on his own chew toys. He has never shown the slightest interest in a shoe or the leg of a table. 

Also he is housebroken. And I didn't have to do it, which is good, because I have no clue how to housebreak a dog. 

Like I said: He's all but perfect. Until it's time to go outside.

By the way: I do plan to tell the vet about Rizzo's unusual dietary propensities when it's time for a checkup. But I think you'll agree that to avoid an emergency visit to said small-animal medico, a stopgap measure was needed.

So now you know my problem. And I'll tell you how I solved it.

First let me say, I considered a muzzle. They're cheap and (I suppose) effective. Dogs can't pick anything up in their mouths while wearing one.

But neither can they sniff, bark, pant, or drink. Also they just generally hate it, not least because they love sniffing, barking, panting, and drinking.

And how would you like to wear a rubber muzzle every time you go outside?

No? I thought as much.

So, up on the Internet, click click click I went.

(I'm intrepid in the Google wars.)

And look what I found: The OutFox Field Guard.

It was made specifically to help dogs who live in California avoid entangling their snouts and ears in something called Foxtail Grass.

We don't have that in the Southeast. But the clever inventor had an Aha! moment when thinking about other dogs in other places who may not encounter Foxtail Grass but who have a weakness for feasting on local flora.

After reading testimonial after glowing testimonial, and even though the item was a trifle pricey, I ordered an OutFox Field Guard in Extra Small for Rizzo.

My reasoning was, it's about ten times cheaper (at least) than taking my dog to the vet with a rock in his belly.

I told Rizzo his pine cone-eating days were seriously numbered. He was grasping one between his paws at the time. I took it away from him.

He looked over beyond the pool, where approximately eight thousand six hundred thirty-nine pine cones lay on the ground.

And where, scarcely six months from now, a quarter-million fresh acorns will be underfoot.

I sighed.

A few days later, our OutFox Field Guard arrived. I sussed out the process involved in installing said device on my dog.

At first, I got it wrong. I attached the two Velcro straps under his collar correctly but didn't pull the elastic cords tightly enough.

Rizzo ran away downstairs to the TV room and by the time he was down there, the mask was flopping around his feet. Paws.

I tried again. I pulled the elastic tight and pushed the purple plastic toggle down towards Rizzo's neck. I put a finger underneath to test and make sure he wasn't strangling.

I opened the door. Rizzo stepped out onto the deck steps. He looked bewildered.

For at least twenty minutes he sat, barely moving, just staring. I worried that my actions had plunged him into deep depression.

I could almost hear him thinking: What will I do now for fun?

That was a short session. I removed Rizzo's Field Guard and stayed with him while he checked his messages and sniffed around a bit.

But after that? So easy, it's like falling off a log. I learned to put the Field Guard on him correctly (even popping a few treats down inside for him to eat) and he learned how to have fun even though he can't eat anything not placed by me inside the mask.

He runs around, sniffs, plays, tries to pick stuff up, realizes he can't, and moves on to something else. He has even figured out that he can drink from his outside water dish that I fill with the hose.

I've seen the Field Guard dripping.

Rizzo once more struts around the yard like a boss. A boss who can't endanger his own health because he's too dumb to leave rocks alone.

When he's tired, he sits and basks in the sun -- something he adores.

Now? When it's time to go outside, Rizzo waits patiently and even lifts his head for me to outfit him with his OutFox Field Guard.

I still occasionally put a treat or two inside for him to enjoy an al fresco snack.

It works like a charm.

How often do things work out so beautifully? 

Not as often as I'd like. But I'll take it.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Thursday :: Happy March

Monday
Feb272017

I go two for two

Hello. I've been so busy.

One thing I had to do last Friday was show up at an imaging facility to have a routine diagnostic test. The kind that takes scarcely two whole minutes.

But that doesn't include your time in the waiting room.

My appointment was set for two o'clock. That's what the nice woman at the front desk told me when I made said appointment.

I arrived for the two o'clock appointment at one forty-five. I had already filled out my papers so all I had to do was hand those over.

Oh and produce my driver's license. Ostensibly to prove that I am who I say I am.

I am. Every single time.

(How do the poor ones in our society who howl about the unfairness -- like voter suppression -- of having to possess a valid photo ID, do anything? I have to pull mine out two or three times on a day of errands.)

Anyway. I sat down. A show was on the TV that featured people who had won the lottery, picking out their new luxury living arrangements. The first couple doing the picking were both of the male persuasion.

Two o'clock came and went. Two fifteen passed into eternity. I had noticed a sign at the front desk reminding patients that they do all sorts of tests there, and that if someone who came in after you got called before you, not to read anything into that because they may be getting a different sort of test.

But to certainly say something if you had been waiting for more than fifteen minutes.

Okay. Wanting to work on the virtue of patience, I said to myself, Jenny, watch the (now hetero) lottery-winning couple picking out their new house. (I had a favorite). If they don't call you before two-thirty, you'll get to see if they picked the one you wanted.

I waited. Having decided it wouldn't be practical to blow practically their whole million on a house, the man and his wife didn't pick the one I wanted.

(Yes; my favorite real estate was the most expensive. Don't judge.)

Two thirty post meridiem on Friday, February twenty-fourth, two thousand seventeen, became history.

So I went to the desk. I said, Hey. My appointment was for two o'clock and it's after two thirty. Will I be seen today?

The extremely kind and courteous lady engaged her keyboard in a spate of tapping and consulted her monitor. She told me it would just be another minute or so.

I went and stood near the door that would open when it was my turn.

It opened as promised after only two minutes. A woman glanced up and said Jennifer Weber as though she'd rather be cleaning out her refrigerator.

I waved and began walking behind her. No niceties were exchanged. She kept her head down, looking at some papers in her hand.

Then she said it: You know your appointment was for two thirty; right?

What I don't know is how to describe the way her words, and the way she said them, made me feel. You've probably already felt it. Let's just move on.

But I replied: No; I know my appointment was for two o'clock. That's what the front-desk people told me.

Well this paper says two thirty, she said.

I doubt that, I said. Because it was for two o'clock. I turned into the dimly-lit appointment room and set my purse down on a chair.

You walked right past the dressing room, she said.

I turned around and began walking back towards my accuser/temporary jailer and (somewhere) the dressing room.

Get your purse, she said. Hearts and flowers pointedly omitted.

I retrieved my purse. I was shown into a three-by-four dressing room where I changed into a scrub top and removed my new Pandora necklace.

The scrub top was so comfortable, I made a mental note to buy one to wear on days when I have the blissful experience of not leaving my house and/or talking to anyone besides TG and Rizzo.

When I left six-and-a-half minutes later, I asked the kind lady at the front desk what time my appointment had been for. 

Two o'clock, the nice woman chirped after consulting her screen.

I told her in a faintly aggrieved tone (I'm good at that; you should watch me work) that the woman in back had been under the impression that it was for two thirty.

We were backed up, she said. It's not your fault.

I gave up. I mean, I knew it wasn't my fault. But sometimes you take what you can get and move on. 'k bye.

Next stop -- freedom! -- was the Dollar General where I needed a large gift bag in which to place the giant fire-engine-red remote-control car we'd bought our only grandson for his fifth birthday. Also a card for him.

At the gift-wrap wall there were two racks stuffed with huge brightly-colored Happy Birthday! gift bags. The big sticker tag affixed to the end of the racks announced their cost:

$2

Booyah. I picked the happiest bag and made my way to the birthday cards, where I selected a cute one-dollar version with dinosaurs that wished Andrew his best birthday in ages.

Two minutes later I was face-to-face with the cashier, a tall young black man who greeted me courteously and rang up my purchases. I had a five-dollar bill in my hand and had unzipped my wallet's change compartment -- because the total should have been three dollars and twenty-eight cents, and I wanted to get two singles back -- and waited.

That will be four eighty-two, the cashier said.

Wait. What? My hand holding the five went numb. 

How much was that card? I said.

A dollar, he said.

Well how much was that bag? I said.

Three fifty, he said.

The sign clearly says those bags are two dollars, I complained. but I handed over the five and he took it and gave me back eighteen cents. I think it was obvious that I was not happy.

The cashier at DG should trade jobs with the technician at the imaging center because he was so conscientious.

I'll go look, he said. And he walked back to the gift wrap wall. In about two minutes, he returned.

You're right; it says they're two dollars, he said. But it's wrong.

I just stood there. Captain Jack Sparrow's sage advice came to mind: Close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream; that's how I get by.

But then he said: I'm going to refund you the difference. Because it's not your fault.

Well I know -- never mind.

I was refunded a dollar and sixty-one cents. I thanked him and he bade me a good day. What a sweetheart.

I won't say I ran a victory lap but I did go home and sit down. TG walked into the house two minutes later.

We got ready and went to Charlotte for little Andrew's birthday party. We reminisced about the time when he was only two.

Dagny inquired even of strangers inhaling Butter Burgers at Culver's (as she does everywhere) if they are two, because she is in fact two.

Do you want my two cents worth?

It's all good.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Monday

Tuesday
Feb142017

Not to brag, but ...

... he went to Jared.

I am pretty crazy about Pandora cubic zirconia jewelry.

The quality and beauty are abundant and the pieces are affordable.

Errybody wins!

I hope your day is just as beautiful.

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Happy Tuesday :: Happy Valentine's Day

Saturday
Feb042017

Dag Dagged and a Dot

Last Sunday I was sick so, instead of being in church with my family, I was at home.

Therefore I didn't take the above picture; Audrey took it, with her iPhone.

Dagny was at her sartorial best that day. She's ever a fashionista but sometimes even she can kick it up a notch.

The dress has a faux-fur skirt and matching trim down the front. Dag was happy to model between Sunday School and the main service, beside the pew where we sit.

Yes; we hug the right-hand side of the sanctuary. Webers always go toward the right.

I didn't say we are always right; I said we go right. There's a difference but at the same time, the more you go toward the right, the more right you'll be.

At any rate, TG came home that day describing how Dagny had upped the toddler fashion stakes, true to form, and that Audrey had taken a few photos.

I quickly texted Audrey and asked her to send me said pics so that I could monkey with them.

After playing around with the pictures for a while, I decided to Daguerreotype the Dagginator, including adding a vintage-type frame.

I like the otherworldly spin the mercury-vaporish Daguerreotype editing feature puts on modern photos.

Turns out Dagny had been photographed by her mother before church too, in their back yard where there is a glut of pine cones and pine needles.

The sun was streaming down and Dagny, as is her wont, was loving life.

So I Dagged that photo of Dag too. Isn't she something?

Meanwhile, I don't suppose I've told you this yet but TG got me an Echo Dot for Christmas. 

I therefore have Alexa now, to use as an egg timer and to ask to play random songs for me, and to put various questions to, such as, Alexa, who won the 2016 World Series?

Because I like to hear her say: Chicago Cubs won the World Series in Two Thousand Sixteen.

I never get tired of that.

Or I can say Alexa, play Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto Number Two.

And she will. It's amazing.

Audrey has a new Echo Dot too, a Christmas gift from one of her siblings. Dagny, a quick study, has learned to engage Alexa.

At first Dag had difficulty because she thought we were calling Alexa Allissa, the name of one of Dag's cousins.

Alexa does not respond to being called Allissa.

But Dagny soon learned how to put the "X" into Allissa and get Alexa, and now she approaches the Dot with confidence.

Alexa! She'll say (always loudly, as though Alexa is hard of hearing).

The Dot lights up all blue and green around its rim, signaling that Alexa is listening.

Good Morning! Dagny semi-shouts.

And Alexa, in her calm, measured AI voice, recites her factoid(s) of the day corresponding to This Date In History.

But I don't know what Dagny said to Alexa the other morning, when, as it happens, Dagny had spent the night with us and I was in the kitchen making her breakfast oatmeal.

I heard strains of Mozart coming from the family room. Dagny wandered into the kitchen as if she's always accompanied by Mozart.

We will never know what was said to induce Alexa to go classical. But the music was beautiful.

Later we went outside, where it was also exceptionally beautiful. I did take this picture, with my own iPhone. Dagny never tires of pitching pine cones over the retaining wall.

Rizzo was over there rooting around for acorns, and I'm pretty sure she was trying to get his attention.

It's those simple pleasures that mean the most.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Saturday :: Happy February