Bring Me That Horizon

Welcome to jennyweber dot com

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Home of Jenny the Pirate

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This will go better if you

check your expectations at the door.

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We're not big on logic

but there's no shortage of irony.

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 Nice is different than good.

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Oh and ...

I flunked charm school.

So what.

Can't write anything.

= Jennifer =

Causing considerable consternation
to many fine folk since 1957

Pepper and me ... Seattle 1962

  

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Belay That!

This blog does not contain and its author will not condone profanity, crude language, or verbal abuse. Commenters, you are welcome to speak your mind but do not cuss or I will delete either the word or your entire comment, depending on my mood. Continued use of bad words or inappropriate sentiments will result in the offending individual being banned, after which they'll be obliged to walk the plank. Thankee for your understanding and compliance.

= Jenny the Pirate =

Hoist The Colors

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I am a Blue Star Mother

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Insist on yourself; never imitate.

Your own gift you can present

every moment

with the cumulative force

of a whole life’s cultivation;

but of the adopted talent of another

you have only an extemporaneous

half possession.

That which each can do best,

none but his Maker can teach him.

= Ralph Waldo Emerson =

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Represent:

The Black Velvet Coat

In The Market, As It Were

 

 

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Columbia Cemetery

To read my articles, click HERE! And don't forget to subscribe.

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Contributor to

American Cemetery

published by Kates-Boylston

A Pistol With One Shot

Ecstatically shooting everything in sight using my beloved Nikon D3100 with AF-S DX Nikkor 18-55mm 1:3.5-5.6G VR kit lens and AF-S Nikkor 50mm f/1.8 G prime lens.

Also capturing outrageous beauty left and right with my Nikon D7000 blissfully married to my Nikkor 85mm f/1.4D AF prime glass. Don't be jeal.

And then there was the Nikon AF-S DX NIKKOR 18-200mm f:3.5-5.6G ED VR II zoom. We're done here.

Dying Is A Day Worth Living For

I am a taphophile

Word. Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Great things are happening at

Find A Grave

If you don't believe me, click the pics.

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Dying is a wild night

and a new road.

Emily Dickinson

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REMEMBRANCE

When I am gone

Please remember me

 As a heartfelt laugh,

 As a tenderness.

 Hold fast to the image of me

When my soul was on fire,

The light of love shining

Through my eyes.

Remember me when I was singing

And seemed to know my way.

Remember always

When we were together

And time stood still.

Remember most not what I did,

Or who I was;

Oh please remember me

For what I always desired to be:

A smile on the face of God.

David Robert Brooks
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 Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

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Keep To The Code

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You Want To Find This
The Promise Of Redemption

Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not;

But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:

In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake.

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.

So then death worketh in us, but life in you.

We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I BELIEVED, AND THEREFORE HAVE I SPOKEN; we also believe, and therefore speak;

Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.

For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

II Corinthians 4

Freedom is a fragile thing and is never more than one generation away from extinction. It is not ours by inheritance; it must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people. Those who have known freedom and then lost it, have never known it again.

~ Ronald Reagan

Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Not Without My Effects

My Compass Works Fine

The Courage Of Our Hearts

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Daft Like Jack

 "I can name fingers and point names ..."

And We'll Sing It All The Time
  • Elements Series: Fire
    Elements Series: Fire
    by Peter Kater
  • Danny Wright Healer of Hearts
    Danny Wright Healer of Hearts
    by Danny Wright
  • Grace
    Grace
    Old World Records
  • The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    Stone Angel Music, Inc.
  • Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Real Music
  • Copia
    Copia
    Temporary Residence Ltd.
  • The Poet: Romances for Cello
    The Poet: Romances for Cello
    Spring Hill Music
  • Nightfall
    Nightfall
    Narada Productions, Inc.
  • Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    RCA
  • The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    by William Voegeli
  • The Art of Memoir
    The Art of Memoir
    by Mary Karr
  • The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    by Emily Dickinson
  • Among The Dead: My Years in The Port Mortuary
    Among The Dead: My Years in The Port Mortuary
    by John W. Harper
  • On Writing Well, 30th Anniversary Edition: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction
    On Writing Well, 30th Anniversary Edition: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction
    by William Zinsser
  • Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    by Steven Milloy
  • The Amateur
    The Amateur
    by Edward Klein
  • Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    by Matt Barber, Paul Hair
  • In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
  • Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
    Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
    by Tod Benoit
  • Bird Brains: The Intelligence of Crows, Ravens, Magpies, and Jays
    Bird Brains: The Intelligence of Crows, Ravens, Magpies, and Jays
    by Candace Savage
  • Gifts of the Crow: How Perception, Emotion, and Thought Allow Smart Birds to Behave Like Humans
    Gifts of the Crow: How Perception, Emotion, and Thought Allow Smart Birds to Behave Like Humans
    by John Marzluff Ph.D., Tony Angell
  • Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    by Andrew Breitbart
  • 11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    by Paul Kengor
  • Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    by Bernd Heinrich
  • Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    by Matthew Rolston
  • Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    by Todd Harra, Ken McKenzie
  • America's Steadfast Dream
    America's Steadfast Dream
    by E. Merrill Root
  • Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    by Alexandra Day
  • Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
    Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
    by Lynne Truss
  • The American Way of Death Revisited
    The American Way of Death Revisited
    by Jessica Mitford
  • In Six Days : Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation
    In Six Days : Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation
    Master Books
  • Architects of Ruin: How big government liberals wrecked the global economy---and how they will do it again if no one stops them
    Architects of Ruin: How big government liberals wrecked the global economy---and how they will do it again if no one stops them
    by Peter Schweizer
  • Grave Influence: 21 Radicals and Their Worldviews That Rule America From the Grave
    Grave Influence: 21 Radicals and Their Worldviews That Rule America From the Grave
    by Brannon Howse
  • Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow: The Tragic Courtship and Marriage of Paul Laurence Dunbar and Alice Ruth Moore
    Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow: The Tragic Courtship and Marriage of Paul Laurence Dunbar and Alice Ruth Moore
    by Eleanor Alexander
Easy On The Goods
  • Waiting for
    Waiting for "Superman"
    starring Geoffrey Canada, Michelle Rhee
  • The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    starring Bette Davis, Ernest Borgnine, Debbie Reynolds, Barry Fitzgerald, Rod Taylor
  • Bernie
    Bernie
    starring Jack Black, Shirley MacLaine, Matthew McConaughey
  • Remember the Night
    Remember the Night
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, Fred MacMurray, Beulah Bondi, Elizabeth Patterson, Sterling Holloway
  • The Ox-Bow Incident
    The Ox-Bow Incident
    starring Henry Fonda, Dana Andrews, Mary Beth Hughes, Anthony Quinn, William Eythe
  • The Bad Seed
    The Bad Seed
    starring Nancy Kelly, Patty McCormack, Henry Jones, Eileen Heckart, Evelyn Varden
  • Shadow of a Doubt
    Shadow of a Doubt
    starring Teresa Wright, Joseph Cotten, Macdonald Carey, Patricia Collinge, Henry Travers
  • The More The Merrier
    The More The Merrier
    starring Jean Arthur, Joel McCrea, Charles Coburn, Bruce Bennett, Ann Savage
  • Act of Valor
    Act of Valor
    starring Alex Veadov, Roselyn Sanchez, Nestor Serrano
  • Deep Water
    Deep Water
    starring Tilda Swinton, Donald Crowhurst, Jean Badin, Clare Crowhurst, Simon Crowhurst
  • Sunset Boulevard
    Sunset Boulevard
    starring William Holden, Gloria Swanson, Erich Von Stroheim, Nancy Olson, Fred Clark
  • Penny Serenade
    Penny Serenade
    starring Cary Grant, Irene Dunne, Edgar Buchanan, Beulah Bondi
  • Double Indemnity
    Double Indemnity
    starring Fred MacMurray, Barbara Stanwyck, Edward G. Robinson, Porter Hall, Jean Heather
  • Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    starring Gary Anthony Williams
  • Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Passion River
  • It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    starring Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert
  • Stella Dallas
    Stella Dallas
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, John Boles, Anne Shirley, Barbara O'Neil, Alan Hale
  • The Iron Lady
    The Iron Lady
    starring Meryl Streep, Jim Broadbent, Harry Lloyd, Anthony Head, Alexandra Roach
  • Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    starring Peter Sallis, Anne Reid, Sally Lindsay, Melissa Collier, Sarah Laborde
  • The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    starring Red Balloon
  • Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    starring William Holden, Don Taylor, Otto Preminger, Robert Strauss, Harvey Lembeck
  • The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    starring Ginger Rogers, Ray Milland
  • My Dog Skip
    My Dog Skip
    starring Frankie Muniz, Diane Lane, Luke Wilson, Kevin Bacon
  • Sabrina
    Sabrina
    starring Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, William Holden, Walter Hampden, John Williams
  • The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    starring Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, Shirley Temple, Rudy Vallee, Ray Collins
  • Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jack Davenport
  • Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    starring Bette Davis, Paul Henreid, Claude Rains, Gladys Cooper, John Loder
  • The Trip To Bountiful
    The Trip To Bountiful
  • Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
    Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
That Dog Is Never Going To Move

~ RIP JAVIER ~

1999-2016

Columbia's Finest Chihuahua

Simple. Easy To Remember.

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One Word, Luv: Curiosity
Saturday
Aug302008

Smile ... !

I love to smile and laugh, and I do both of those things many times every day.  I'm also a crier, but even for a crier I cried a lot this week.  Long story.  Maybe someday I'll tell you about it.

Meantime, enjoy this semi-goofy photo montage of Josh Groban but especially his soulful performance of film great Charles Chaplin's immortal song Smile ... one of my favorite lyrics in the whole wide world.  Interestingly and some might say paradoxically (if they talk that way), this song almost always makes me ... cry. 

I don't know what's up with the bunny ears, but I hope Josh lets me borrow that "You Know You Want Me" tee-shirt for when I meet Johnny Depp.  I look pretty good in red and if nothing else it will make Johnny ... smile.

Notice that darling, charming Josh almost coaxed a smile from Her Majesty the Queen of England.

Happy Weekend and Happy Labor Day, everyone!  Stay safe and by all means eat too much. 

And don't forget to smile.

(Thanks, Erica, for sending me the link to this sweet and special YouTube.)

EXTRA: Unfortunately this one is not embeddable, but click here to see and hear Josh singing Smile at Royal Albert Hall in London.  Simply amazing.

Thursday
Aug282008

Hot Dog Buns: $60

On the way home from a deposition today I remembered the unopened package of Oscar Meyer XXL Premium Beef Hot Dogs chilling in our fridge. Those puppies are REALLY good.

So I thought to myself, I'll stop by the store and buy a package of hot dog buns. Maybe Erica will cook up a box of Kraft Deluxe Shells and Cheese and we will be so there, dinnerwise. 

Note to Self: Better keep the blinds drawn or Food Network will be waving fountain pens in my face by tomorrow morning.  I don't need that hassle.

But seriously ... how sizeable a dent should my relatively insignificant culinary strategy have made in the Weber coffers? Anyone?

Surely not sixty dollars. And change.

My mind seized on the idea of making a big pot of actual chili for dinner tomorrow.

Seems I need an offshore bank account just to go grocery shopping these days.

To quote my mother for the second time today: "It's like baloney ... you can cut it off anywhere."

Or maybe it's my head I should cut off ... because see, if I walk into the grocery store, one thing is going to lead to another and next thing you know, judging by the haul of vittles in my waggly-wheeled cart, I'm expecting Patton's Third Army -- and their mothers, and their mothers' old boyfriends -- for a protracted house party.

It had its genesis in the bread aisle, where I went to find the hot dog buns. Cruising into another big holiday weekend with company beginning to arrive this very night in the form of daughter Audrey, I thought it prudent to stock the larder with a loaf of bread. Only, one wasn't enough (we do love our toast and coffee of a morning) so I got two.

While leaving that aisle heading for the chips and snacks area -- because I had decided that with our hot dogs and shells 'n cheese we also needed some Sweet Spicy Chili Doritos -- my mind seized on the idea of making a big pot of actual chili for dinner tomorrow.

Which called for the purchase of a one-pound bag of Santitas tortilla chips along with the Doritos ... then over several aisles to locate chili hot beans and chili seasoned diced tomatoes, and a chili seasoning packet. And while in the spice aisle I grabbed a shaker of coarse-grind black pepper. Don't want to run short on that.

I proceeded to the back of the store to find the ground chuck for the chili.  While in that vicinity I decided to stock up on weightless boxes of pre-cooked bacon (to go on that toasted bread, smothered by big juicy tomato slices) and a few extra bags of flash-frozen boneless, skinless chicken tenderloins. Can't have too many of those on hand.

At the checkout counter I selected a Women's Health magazine that promises that if I read page 87, my tummy will be flatter in nine days.

Oh, and I got a box of Good 'n Plentys.  Little pink-and-white happy pellets.  Just because.

Please pass the mustard.

Thursday
Aug282008

Chow Time

I took a total of two pictures last weekend, y'all.  My camera is acting up (it being a device of a certain age, much like its owner) and I had forgotten to recharge the batteries and I had lots of cooking to do because of all the company, but like my mom says, an excuse is just the skin of the truth stuffed with a lie.  I was lazy. 

But I did get these two ... Allissa, who merrily gloms onto anyone standing still long enough for her to attach her eager gums, having a soggy go at Aunt Audrey.  Earlier she had attempted to consume my nose ... Allissa, I mean.  Audrey learned long ago that my nose tastes like ... nose.  Allissa is a taste trainee.

I've captioned the photos, albeit lazily (in keeping with my general modus operandi).  Can you, my clever readers, do any better? 


 

Q: 

WHO IS THIS?  AND WHAT DOES SHE TASTE LIKE?



A: 

NOT TOO SURE.  ALL I KNOW IS, NOT THE MAMA AND NOT MY MILK.

Monday
Aug252008

Check Your Gig Line ... Again

NOTE:  To my four faithful readers, no, I have not left the planet or run away with Johnny Depp.  I've been busy for the last week with depositions and traveling to North Carolina and having daughters and granddaughters visit with us, and for many days I have been unable to keep a thought in my head long enough to compose a decent post.  I was nearly ready to post the following rerun earlier this evening as torrential rain drummed our roof, when suddenly our neighborhood suffered a power outage that lasted two hours.  But for your reading enjoyment (I hope), here it is ... from September of '07, a reminder about something we should all do from time to time: check our gig line.

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A few weeks ago, when we were down in San Antonio to see our boy graduate from Air Force basic training, I couldn't help but notice how spiffy all the new airmen looked, and how aware they seemed to be of the tradition involved in wearing their uniforms. They were so good about snatching their flight caps off their nearly-bald heads the moment they stepped foot indoors, tucking the end of the flat, Air Force-blue cap carefully inside the waist of their dress trousers. When they stepped outside again, quick as a flash the caps went back on their heads and they did what I surmised was a special salute. It didn't look like any salute I had ever seen before, yet as they walked around outside they all seemed to be doing it, so I figured it was a unique salute they'd been taught just to show respect for visiting parents! I finally asked my son what the special salute meant. HAHA, he said, Mom You Can't Be Serious. Well, YES, I said, I Am Totally Serious And Why Can't I Be?

Turns out the "salute" was really the easy way the trainees were taught to adjust their flight caps at exactly the correct angle, since they were whipping them off and replacing them on their heads constantly! They put their index and second finger just above the bridge of their nose and, if their middle finger touched the edge of the cap, they were wearing it correctly! Ingenious! After all, there is a specific way the cap is to be worn, because there is a certain way it is supposed to look. Here is a picture of Andrew doing the special "salute" (at my behest) as he talks on the phone to his girlfriend during graduation weekend:

See what I mean? It does look like a salute, doesn't it?

Another thing I noticed that the neophyte airmen were constantly doing was checking their "gig line." Now, the gig line, in military parlance, is the vertical visual continuity created by the edge of your shirt placket aligning perfectly with your belt buckle and the outside edge of your trouser fly, forming one long straight line. While wearing dress blues, my son is required to wear garters that pull his socks up tightly and his shirt down tightly, so that everything always looks very, very smooth and unwrinkled. The airmen constantly check that gig line, running their fingers down the shirt placket to the belt buckle, looking down simultaneously, to make sure it is as straight and tight as humanly possible. They get in trouble if it goes off-kilter, because that looks sloppy and the Air Force does not do sloppy. And although the mechanism for achieving this sparkling appearance is somewhat uncomfortable, it is effective. Attention to the gig line results in a look that is very impressive, let me tell you ... especially when multiplied by 600 and on display at the parade grounds. Most impressive indeed.

He didn't know I was her mother, after all ... so I decided to enlighten him. Gently.

But the phrase "check your gig line" got me thinking about how often in life it is necessary to check ourselves. I like to talk. Alert the media! Breaking news, that. But the more you talk, the more you attempt to communicate, the greater the chance that, sometimes unintentionally, you may say something you really didn't mean to say, or that could easily be taken the "wrong" way and hurt someone's feelings! Or worse, say something about someone in front of someone you don't realize is connected somehow to the someone you said it about. I am, like, the poster child for this. I could be the postage STAMP for this, for crying out loud. When and if they decide to commemorate me and my ilk on a stamp, it will undoubtedly be rendered as a picture of a great big open mouth with a foot wedged inside. Probably not the one you'll pick for mailing wedding invitations.

But, I am happy to report I'm not all by me onesie when it comes to hopping around with one foot in my mouth. And it's always gratifying to know you're not the only one making a hash of things about half the time! I am reminded of the occasion, a little over ten years ago, when our daughter Stephanie got her first official job. I mean, she had done some babysitting and what-not, but this was different. She was getting ready to start her senior year in high school and she hoped this job would see her all the way through college, and as it turned out, it did. It was at a brand new Winn-Dixie grocery store that opened up about five miles from our house. This is when we were living in East Tennessee. Stephanie went down to the store before it even opened and applied for the position of cashier, and was hired on the spot. It was late summer; she was 17 and a straight-A student who would graduate second in her class the following spring.

Stephanie began attending cashier orientation and training meetings as the store prepared for its grand opening. She brought home her teal-striped Winn-Dixie uniform smock and her brand-new name tag. In the few weeks before opening day, she and the other cashiers were carefully trained on use of the computerized cash registers and scanners and related equipment, and were given detailed instructions on everything from greeting customers to processing their grocery orders. There was a lot to remember but Stephanie worked hard and applied herself. Eventually the big day came when she was to report bright and early at the store for the first day of business. I remember taking her to work and dropping her off with a promise to come back later and check on her. Surely that would be helpful!

I returned to the store at mid-morning. The parking lot was packed out! There were eager shoppers everywhere, taking advantage of the store's grand opening promotions. I cruised the aisles for about twenty minutes, put a few things in my cart, then headed for the front of the store and queued up at Stephanie's register. All the lines were backed up as the young, green cashiers struggled to remember everything they'd been taught ... but this time under the watchful eyes of real (and in some cases impatient) customers. From my vantage point in Stephanie's queue I could tell that she was a little nervous as she processed the orders, but she seemed to be holding her own. Still, her line was not moving all that quickly. I said a silent prayer for her as I hummed under my breath.

In due time I became aware of the elderly gentleman in line directly in front of me. Clutching a few purchases, he was getting antsy. Presently he turned, made eye contact with me, and muttered something I couldn't hear. "Pardon me?" I asked, leaning in towards him. I thought I knew what was coming. He looked me straight in the eye and said, disgruntled: "It seems to me they could have trained her a little better than that. She doesn't know what she's doing." He was talking about my brilliant, diligent, newly-employed 17-year-old daughter! I smiled at him; I wasn't angry. He didn't know I was her mother, after all ... so I decided to enlighten him. Gently.

"Well, you know," I began, "She happens to be a straight-A student." He blinked a few times and I could tell he was wondering how I was privy to that particular piece of information. I decided to enlighten him some more. "Actually," I continued, "She's been training for several weeks now, but it's her first day on a new job and she's only 17, and you know what that's like." He looked at the floor and then back up at me. I decided to clear it up for him once and for all. "See, she's my daughter. As in, I'm that cashier's mother."

I wish you could have seen the look on his face. He was enough of a gentleman to be embarrassed. He didn't officially apologize (not that he needed to; I have been impatient with cashiers enough times not to hold his remarks against him), but he did say something to the effect of, "Well, I'm sure she's doing the best she can." Which she was, and after all, what more can we do? I mean, I think most of the time it's safe to assume that most people are doing just about the best they can. Notice I said most. I know that as I drive here and there, go wherever I'm sent to cover depos, come home and balance housework, family obligations, deadlines, and so forth, I'm doing just about the best I can. I'll bet you are too. It's all about giving one another the benefit of the doubt, as we all want others to give us.

It occurs to me that, as touching the sometimes thoughtless things we are quick to say, perhaps as we pass in and out of all the doors of our lives, we should pause as we go to put the index and second finger to our forehead, to make sure our flight caps are on at just the right angle. Make sure we wear the uniform of our humanity just so, in keeping with the time-honored tradition of extending kindness and forgiveness to our fellow man. Make a heroic effort to keep things aligned, sparkling, and smooth. Make it a point to often check our gig lines, as it were.

Monday
Aug182008

Sequins Of Events

I don't like the Summer Olympics. It has nothing to do with China.

Although I try (with extreme emphasis on try) to eat right (most of the time sometimes when there is no ice cream in the house) in a herculean effort to achieve some level of physical fitness (all evidence to the contrary) appropriate to my age, gender, and ability, I am not and could never be confused with any stripe of athlete.

I shudder at the very thought.

Consequently I am bored by all of the Summer events and most of the Winter events at the Olympics. The one exception -- and the event(s) that will have me riveted to my telly in February of 2010 when things get cranked up in Vancouver -- is figure skating.

Pairs! Singles! Ice Dancing! I am front and center for them all. I love the romance ... the grace ... the music ... the outfits! Did I mention the outfits? AH! The crystals! The paillettes! The lace! The chiffon! The feathers! The sequins ...

So to hurry things along and get us in the mood, let's do a little reminiscing about the Winter O's of years gone by ... here's some exhibition or other back in the late '90s or early '00s featuring Olympic gold medalist singles figure skating greats Brian Boitano and Kristi Yamaguchi. Their freeform ice dance is accompanied in song by none other than my adored Josh Groban, who I believe executes a triple toe loop and a couple of salchows with his voice. Mercy.

With so much young and beautiful talent in one room, I'm surprised the ice didn't melt.

The disembodied female vocals you hear during part of Josh's performance are that of lovely Welsh singing sensation Charlotte Church.