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The Cold Standard
Wednesday, October 8, 2008 at 11:44PM 
Looking back, I know it started on Tuesday when, while reporting a deposition, I thought it advisable to stifle what threatened to be a very large and potentially embarrassing sneeze by pressing hard on the space between my nose and upper lip.
(Technically that vertical indentation beneath the septum is termed the "philtrum." News you can perhaps use. At the very least it's a handy word for Scrabble and crossword puzzles.)
Actually, now that I think about it, the real genesis must have been when a germ attached itself to my person and became too comfortable there, sometime within the last three to five days.
Life begins at conception, even if you're the common cold.
I had testified, and I hadn't thought to put myself under oath.
I felt "funny" -- not haha, but strange -- on Monday night and didn't sleep well, but I attributed that to being alone in a hotel room without TG's snores to lull me into slumber. (I often dream about lumberjacks. Lots of flannel and the drone of saws. You get used to it.)
Still, on Tuesday after putting the kibosh on the would-be sneeze, I gave it not another thought. Until about six hours later, that is, when one moment I felt perfectly fine and the next moment I became aware of a slight scratchiness in my throat.
By bedtime on Tuesday, again alone in a hotel room, I was feeling stuffy and my throat was somewhat more scratchy.
When I woke up this morning, my poor throat felt as though it had been vigorously rubbed down with sandpaper, then painted with battery acid. My head felt heavy and my eyes were hot and they didn't want to open all the way.
In today's depos, I kept tissues nearby and did a lot of pressing on my philtrum, accompanied by what I hoped was discreet sniffling. Until finally, late in the game, I knew that no amount of pressure would stifle the sneeze that was determined to be born. And the one that came right behind it.
I had just enough time to put down my reporter mask, grab a tissue, and duck my head. Ahhh-CHOO! Ah-CHOO!
Twins! Not identical, but close.
And then I looked up into the startled faces of three attorneys and one deponent. All gentlemen. It was very quiet in the luxurious 23rd-floor conference room of Ogletree, Deakins, Nash, Smoak & Stewart, P.C.
I had sneezed loudly, on the record, disrupting the quiet dignity of a singularly refined milieu.
I had testified, and I hadn't thought to put myself under oath. But those sneezes were the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.
I drove home this afternoon in rain. It's still raining and I'm still sneezing. My head hurts. Just about everything hurts. I'm dizzy. I have to return to Charlotte tomorrow, spend the night again (except this time I'll have a full-blown cold to keep me company), and report more depositions on Friday.
Better go make an Alka-Seltzer Plus cocktail, chug it down, get this heap of soggy tissues to a landfill, and tuck myself into bed.
'night.
Reader Comments (13)
Well, have a cup of hot tea and put yourself to bed. Hope you feel better soon. As for comments, don't get your feelings hurt if you don't get many. Your blog is still messed up - but if I click to leave a comment, then i can read it in the comments section. Don't worry about it for now, tho. Just get better, and maybe it will get better at the same time. (Bless you!)
Tracie, thanks for that. Guess I'll have to bug them again about what the problem might be. They told me some YouTube code was the culprit so I removed it, but apparently that wasn't the case. I am going to bed now!
HaHa...well I can see your post just fine. A funny post at that, not funny that you are sick but a well-written, interesting and humorous post. Get well soon.
Audrey ... you're a majority of one! Imagine that! Actually I think we may have gotten to the bottom of the problem, and we should have smooth sailing from here on out!
Now if I could only stop sneezing ...
Oh dear ... I'm sorry about your bugs - both types! I'm nursing my third cold of the season as I type. Thank heavens they can't be transferred over the internet, like the software type of virus!
They can't, can they???
Feel better soon!
Yes, my dear, it just popped right up there this time. My hubby told me about some web standard that Microsoft doesn't follow and so it messes up on some things, something about some code. I just nodded thoughtfully... Glad it's better and hope you are too.
I can see everything and I could before although occasionally I can't see comments.
Anyway, I hope you get better quickly!
It's Friday night. Are you through the worst of it? I work sick or not, and really, I'm hardly ever sick. You described that itchy sneezy feeling so well. I sure hope you're getting better :-)
@ Jay ... the only virus that I KNOW spreads over the internet is JDOCD! And as you know, there is no cure. Hope your cold is better!
@ Tracie ... thanks for helping me out through this ordeal! Turns out we think the culprit was some corrupt YouTube code in that Scream post ... I thought I had gotten it all out but some was lurking. Hope that's the last time it happens!
@ Erin ... I hope all those viewing problems clear up now. I'm not feeling a whole lot better tonight but tomorrow I'm sure I will!
@ Cheryl ... I'm still feeling pretty crummy. I got about three hours sleep last night, then I had to be at work by 8:30 and reporting the depos was miserable what with the stuffy head and sneezing and that throat tickle! AARRRGHHH! I have to be so quiet when I am reporting ... difficult enough for me without a cold! Thankfully the depos were relatively short.
But I got home late this afternoon and went straight to bed and to sleep, and I hope to feel much better tomorrow. Thanks for the good wishes.
I'm praying for you to feel better.
Robyn, thanks luv! I need those prayers.
Oh, Jennifer, I feel so badly for you! I hope you get good rest over the weekend and can be over this come Monday morning.
Take care,
Cheryl
Cheryl, I appreciate that. So far I feel no better, but I'll rest today and look forward to Monday when the worst is bound to be over!