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A Case Of Unshaken Identity
Monday, October 13, 2008 at 12:44PM 
I'm standing over there with them. ~Captain Jack Sparrow
Stand by your man.
~Tammy WynetteThe weekend of October 4th, before I came down with a horrible cold (which is 98 percent better now, thank you), TG and I headed for North Carolina to spend 24 hours with Stephanie and her family. We arrived at our daughter's lovely home on Saturday afternoon and settled in to visit and play with our darling granddaughters. We had a tasty dinner and enjoyed one another's company.
On Sunday morning we went to church. Since our son-in-law became pastor of the Temple Baptist Church of Lenoir, North Carolina, in July of 2007, I have attended services there at least half a dozen times. I know many of the folks by name.
Only this time, my presence caused several faithful members to become a trifle confused.
Allow me to explain.
My son-in-law's parents had also been to Lenoir for a short visit ... in fact, we arrived on their departing heels. It's a wonder Stephanie had time to change the linens in the guest room.
"I am actually the mother of the pastor's wife," I told her gently.
David and Debbie, our dear friends, live in Williamsport, Pennsylvania, where he is also a pastor. Unfortunately, due to distance and his pastoral responsibilities, they have been guests in their son's church only a few times since last summer.
One of those times was the last fifteen minutes of the Wednesday evening service on October 1st. David and Debbie drove much of the day in order to attend the meeting, but they were hindered by traffic and missed most of it. The congregation is relatively small and all guests are warmly welcomed, but the pastor's parents naturally capture extra attention.
Here's where the confusion comes in.
Apparently to those who know us only casually, Jenny could be a stunt double for Debbie. Or vice versa. Same difference. See, we are both females of medium height with longish dark hair. Agewise we have both seen our 50th birthdays come and -- *sob* -- go. We are grandmothers but we both dress stylishly and try to maintain a youthful appearance.
(Why, just the other day someone told me they couldn't believe I was a day over 22. I think they wanted to sell me something -- and I know they needed glasses -- but I will accept compliments from any source, no matter how outlandish or profit-motivated.)
But, my friends, there is where the similarities end. Debbie and I actually look nothing alike. I am ... shall we say, curvier than she, and her hair is longer than mine. While we do both smile a lot, personality-wise she is as positively angelic as I am decidedly not angelic.
Tell that to the elderly lady who grasped my hand on Sunday morning and declared that she still couldn't believe I was old enough to be the pastor's mother.
Uhm ... for the record I am old enough to be the pastor's mother but I am not the pastor's mother. "I am actually the mother of the pastor's wife," I told her gently.
This statement was met with a blank stare of disbelief. She thought I had lied in church! I attributed her bafflement to advanced age and poor vision.
(Further complicating matters is the fact that my son-in-law is the spitting image of his mother.)
But over the next 90 minutes the scenario repeated itself so many times -- and not all those who misidentified me were of the optically-challenged geriatric variety -- that I finally told Stephanie:
"I hate to say this but you and Joel now officially have a unimother."
Oddly enough, no one thought I was Debbie when I was standing next to TG.
In fact, no one ever thought TG was anyone but TG. One kind lady bounded up to him and said: "You're Stephanie's Daddy!"
Yes. Yes, he is.
See, while (at least to some) Debbie's and my individual selves may blur into a single person, I cannot imagine anyone thinking that TG and David are one and the same. First there is the disparity in their height (TG is 6'4" and David is around 6'0"). They are both fine handsome men, but each in a completely different way. Although apparently when it comes to women they shop in the same neighborhood, having encountered one of these gentlemen you would never wonder if you'd actually met the other.
[EDIT: This seems to be the post I cannot leave alone. I remembered today that last summer while we were in San Antonio for Andrew's graduation from Basic Military Training, during lunch on the Riverwalk a man approached TG and said with due reverence: "Excuse me sir, but are you Tom Brokaw?" Ehhhh .... NO.]
It seems we are identified not only by who we are, but also by that one beside whom we choose to stand. The one whose hand we hold. The one who brings us and the one who takes us home.
I like it ... simple, easy to remember. Sweet.
Reader Comments (12)
That's so cute! A unimother! I think this type of mix-up occurs because most people don't give others much beyond a glance. As for the elderly lady, all us young'uns look the same to them. And they have a free pass (due to their achievement of an advanced age) to pretty much say and think what they like.
My sis and I are five years apart; same height, same coloring, but that's it. People ask if we're twins! That's okay by me. I'm the older one!
Taking a closer look at your slide show, I noticed you and Debbie are both happy, (lovely smiles), attractive women. Hence, the mix-up!
Yeah - your post is up and I can see it!
I was reading this thinking - I didn't think she was old enough to have a son in law, then I read you were a grandma! You're doing good! Anyway - I enjoyed your funny story.
@ Keli ... that's funny. Any two of my three daughters, if they hang together, get the "Are you girls twins?" routine at times ... and it always makes us laugh! They are all so different, and about three years apart in age! But I think it is knowing someone that identifies them to you, more than their features. And for the record, any comparison of me to Debbie is certainly a compliment to me. She is a darling. Good to see you back, luv.
@ Mari ... thank you so much! My son-in-law is actually 30 years old! My mother is very young-looking so I think I inherited at least a little of that. How fortunate for me. And I'm so glad you can see my post! I think we finally got that issue resolved. I'll drop by your blog a bit later.
What a fun post! Many years ago someone came up to me and said,"Hi Lois, didn't we have a great time last Thursday?" I must have just stared at her. She said, "What is wrong, Lois? Are you sick?" Then she said, "Oh, you are not Lois." and she walked away. Hahahaha
I'll have to admit that I did look a whole lot like Lois after I figured out who Lois was.
We are going to a new church now and everyone looks alike! Now I am old and I cannot for the life of me remember who is who. They all wear their hair the same way and their hair is gray.
The answer to this problem is to get to know their personalities. It is a big church so I have a lot of dinner parties to plan. LOL!
@ Lois ... er, Cheryl, LOLOLOL ... yep! Personality is the key! I know what you mean about putting names to faces in new congregations! We are new at our church and have experienced the same thing. Until one learns how everyone is connected one must be very prudent in one's comments and observations!
Lovely post, as always. That is all too amusing. I don't think I could never confuse you for anyone else in this world.
@ Robyn ... nor I you, sweetie! I miss you!
Cute pictures! It's always funny getting mistaken for someone else. My best friend and I look similar, but not THAT similar, and we used to work together in Oklahoma and all too often our regular patrons at the restaurant we both worked at would call us by the others' name. We just let them think we were sisters. ;-)
@ Angi ... I imagine that could be either bad or good, depending upon the situation! Like for example, if you dropped a medium-rare filet mignon on someone's thigh (like I did once when I was a waitress), it might be good if the customer thought you were the other girl! Might not bode well for the heft of your gratuity, though ...
Unimother, huh? Maybe that could go in the new Webster's? Great slide show. Everyone looks so happy.
Cheryl, we do tend to be a happy bunch! Thanks for stopping by ... I owe you a visit! Been busy. You'll see me soon.