Please don't seize the Garmin

This was originally and most charmin'ly posted a few years ago.

I hope you enjoy reading it again or for the first time ever.

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A recent Monday morning found me tooling down the road toward Manning, a distance of just under one hundred miles from my home in Columbia.

It was a frighteningly gorgeous day.

The deposition was set to begin at ten o'clock.

Since I had plenty of time to reach my destination, about twenty-five miles outside of Manning I stopped at one of our commodious roadside rest areas to stretch my legs and freshen up.

Exiting the ladies' room a few minutes later and heading back to my car, I spotted a female employee of the Palmetto State languidly polishing one of the glass doors leading to the parking lot.

She looked up and caught my eye, so naturally I give her a big smile and said "Good morning!"

She sort of smiled back but instead of returning my greeting, she waved her cleaning rag and indicated I was going the wrong way.

Huh?

I looked through the sparkling door whence she gestured.

Grass. Trees. Picnic tables. Trash barrels. A dog and a person perambulating said critter.

No cars.

A concrete picnic table wouldn't get me to Manning; I knew that right off. I've never learned to drive one.

And I figured the dog probably wasn't fast enough.

I laughed when I realized -- pretty quickly, I am happy to report -- that I'd turned left out of the ladies' room door when it was in my best interests to proceed in the opposite direction.

I thanked the helpful worker for pointing out my error, did a one-eighty, and there was my car sitting precisely where I'd parked it.

What a relief! Being fairly ditsy I do not take lightly the occasional serendipitous outcome.

I was a couple of yards out into the blazing sunshine when a man in front of me on the sidewalk turned around and grinned real big.

"Get confused comin' outta there, didja?" He asked in a friendly way.

"Yeah, story of my life," I admitted. "If there's a hard way to do a thing, I'll find it."

"You got GPS?" he wanted to know.

To find my way back to my car from the ladies room? Uhm, no.

I told him I was usually the last woman in the Western Hemisphere to acquire new technology, and that I still relied on MapQuest to get me where I needed to go in South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, and even points beyond.

He gestured in the direction of his vehicle, which turned out to be a white van. "I deliver caskets. And I couldn't do it without my GPS," he assured me.

I glanced at the van and could see through the back windows that there were indeed a couple of caskets nestled cozily in there.

"I got mine at the pawn shop," he said.

I assumed he meant his GPS and not a casket, but I thought I'd best make sure.

"A Garmin?" I asked him.

(Even I know Garmin makes GPS's and not coffins.)

"Yeah, a Garmin," he said. "My daughter-in-law stole a bunch of our stuff and pawned it awhile ago, and when I went to get some of it back, the GPS caught my eye. Best hundred fifty dollars I ever spent. You should tell your husband to get you one."

Duly noted. Next time TG and I visit a hock shop (which will be our maiden voyage to such an establishment), I'll check out the GPS units.

I may even ask if they happen to have a casket, because in this dubious economy and pigs flying (swine flew!) all over the place distributing potentially deadly cooties, you never know when you may need a bargain-basement deal on a burial box.

I located Manning without incident and without a GPS, by the way. Found it sleepy and charming as ever, "Matchless for Beauty and Hospitality" ... right where it's been since 1856.

And while "Assume Nothing" is my sometime-mantra, I assume the caskets were delivered right on schedule as well.

I hope wherever they ended up, they sit empty and gathering dust for a long, long time.

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Happy Monday! Happy Week!

Comments

[Mari]

I have a GPS and although I don't use it often, it's really helpful when I'm in an unfamiliar area.

[irene]

I don't drive, but I do rely heavily on Mapquest. My days of walking vast distances in the wrong direction are over. Sore feet!

[Donna (Texas)]

Love This!Hahaaa....and I am Proud to say, I've been to the Pawn Shoppe!Hahaaa....They have some really neat things in there, sometimes newish and cheap!
hughugs

[glenda]

I do rely on Mapquest for places I'm unfamiliar with, but for not having driven out of town much in previous years, I have to say that I'm getting pretty good at navigating myself. (Pat on the back, while grinning)!!!..........G.