Martha was never even in the building

On Saturday I was in the kitchen, preparing various homemade goodies, when I began mentally concocting a Thanksgiving centerpiece for our dining table.

The family are all arriving on Wednesday; everything must be festive. 

I already had some real fake flowers (they're not really flowers but let's face it, neither are they figments of the imagination) that, for a few falls past, augmented by real fake leaves and ferns, adorned our front door.

Having tired of that arrangement, this year I put up an appropriately autumny wreath purchased for twenty dollars at a local retailer.

Thirty seconds to cut off the tag, throw it onto the door, and you're done.

As a bonus feature, the birds won't nest in a wreath as readily as they used to camp out on my door-bucket flower arrangements. I don't think.

Although -- here's  a tip -- the red-white-blue patriotic flowers that filled my door bucket last summer were free from nests because I added a pinwheel. Birds don't like shiny things, especially when the shiny things move.

You're welcome.

So anyway those "flowers" were chilling upstairs in one of my many offices and I decided to haul them out.

Having done that, I went to the cupboard and retrieved a teapot that doesn't often see the light of day.

And I gathered up six bottles from my hoarded, steadily-growing collection of vinegar empties: four bulbous beaker-like Star and two bell-shaped Pompeian.

(An acquaintance who once told me she could out-Martha-Stewart Martha Stewart with one hand tied behind her back, her feet in cement, and without turning a hair, taught me that odd numbers please the eye whereas even numbers generally do not.)

I may not be able to lay a finger on the hem of (either) Martha's garment, but I can count.

Six is even, though, you may be thinking. Yes. But seven is odd. Remember the teapot? Do keep up.

Having assembled all of that stuff, I got some scissors and proceeded to turn the stalks-of-three flowers into individual flowers.

Ouch. That maneuver is tough on the aforementioned fingers. Perhaps I need a Martha-Stewarty tool for hacking through the stems of real fake flowers.

At any rate I now have a glassy flowery lineup marching down the center of my eighty-four-inch table, the one plastered with treasured photos and topped with yet more glass.

For Thanksgiving dinner I think I'll group the vinegar-bottle vases on the buffet and let the teapot go solo, flanked by candles.

So ... spiffy or iffy? You decide.

Should you find the result of my burst of creativity to be tacky, however, kindly keep it to yourself. Audrey came over and made a strange face in its direction; I'm pretty sure she was trying not to laugh out loud.

If you like it though, feel free to steal my idea in any fashion that suits your fancy.

It's all I have to bring today.

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It’s all I have to bring today —
This, and my heart beside —
This, and my heart, and all the fields —
And all the meadows wide —
Be sure you count — should I forget
Some one the sum could tell —
This, and my heart, and all the Bees
Which in the Clover dwell.

= Emily Dickinson =

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Happy Monday ~ Happy Thanksgiving Week

Comments

[Mari]

I've been told the same about odd numbers so it must be true!
I really like that first photo - looks like Home and Garden!

[Barb]

I'm still back at "in one of my many offices..." Since my "office" is the kitchen counter, I'm a tad jealous. I have an actual arrangement of glass cylinder vases on a wooden base that I love because I like the effect of just a few stems of varying colors/heights. Now, I need to figure out where I stored that when I brought stuff here from Denver. I love your table - my grandchildren would have a ball looking at all the photos. Of course, then there are the fingerprints. Snowing here - we're all taking an enforced rest after skiing. (Only the old people need one.)

[Jennifer]

@Mari ... Oh my, haha, they H&G haven't called but I agree that they should. xoxo

@Barb ... *chucklesnort* I blogged about my many offices -- two upstairs (unused bedrooms), one on the middle floor (our front room, which I have appropriated with a vengeance), and a sunroom for use in cooler temps -- before we had the pleasure of your company on the blog. Yes your grands would love the photo table. Everyone loves to see their picture! I still envy you all that beautiful snow and your cozy environs. Enjoy your holiday to the hilt! I know you will. xoxo

[Lady Fi]

How ingenious! I really like the flowers in the teapot! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.