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Boy oh boy. When you know, you know.
Thursday, March 18, 2021 at 02:44PM 
Am I blue
What happened was this:
A week ago Wednesday, Cherica went to the doctor for their gender-confirming sonogram.
(Cherica is my portmanteau for Chad and Erica, BTW ... in case you had not already figured that out. My use of the word "their" is not in deference to lib loon pronouns, hahahahaa.)
Ahead of the appointment we discussed how the family reveal should be handled.
I was in favor of the parents requesting not to be told at the appointment, instead securing a sealed envelope with the gender written on a slip of paper inside, to be taken to the bakery where the appropriate cake would be baked.
For our gender reveal party.
I had never been to one of those!
And I still haven't.
Allow the pirate to elaborate.
The way I pictured it was, we would gather at Cherica's house, have a meal together, then get Andrew and Brittany on FaceTime on one phone, and call up Stephanie and family for FaceTime on another phone.
Still another phone would be employed to record the whole thing, trained at the reveal moment on the faces of the child's parents, who would be finding out their baby's gender along with the rest of us.
Stay with me. Grab a snack for strength, if you must.
Although Erica sort of acted like she thought that was a cool idea, I knew that there was a better chance of Sleepy Joe sporting a MAGA hat the next time he wanders off Marine One than there was of my daughter being able to resist finding out her baby's gender at the appointment.
She's too nosy for that.
You know it's true, Boo.
And I was, as usual, one hundred percent correct. The pirate may not be perfect but when it comes to instincts, she's spot on more times than not.
So anyway I texted Little Mama the day after her appointment and asked if she and Chad been able to muster the wherewithal to resist learning the baby's gender.
Haahaaha no, she responded.
Mmmmmkay. Big surprise.
So now we're down to our get-together scheduled for that night (last Thursday), for which Chad would be grilling hamburgers and we'd have a refreshing salad, plus some Utz chips, and then cut into the cake, holding our breath until we saw whether the innards of said celebratory confection were pink, or blue.
Because that's how a gender reveal is done; am I right? When you use a cake as the vehicle for imparting the earth-shattering information that your unborn child is either one sex or the other?
(Yes you are correct if you thought the above was a trifle tongue-in-cheek. I learned the gender of each of my children in the delivery room. If I had it to do over -- heaven forfend -- I'd do it the same way. Old school.)
As opposed to garishly colored pyrotechnics that start wildfires, or color-coded balloons released from a huge container, or giant confetti under pressure and popped with a bang to everyone's pretend amazement, or bats flying out of a cave wearing either pink or blue tutus, the actual color of the cake beneath a neutral-color frosting (usually white, but not in a racist way) reveals the baby's gender.
Such fun. I wonder what clever-clogs baker thought of that.
Whomever -- and whenever, and wherever -- that may have been, one would think that by now every bakery in Christendom would be sufficiently acquainted with the gender reveal cake concept that it would be easy-peasy to order one.
Like taking candy from a baby; right?
Wrong.
At least, very difficult indeed at the Publix bakery where Erica put in an order for her gender reveal cake.
Publix made Erica's wedding cake. It was marvelous. They're our go-to for birthday cakes. They do a great job.
Except this time.
This time, they were a total flop from beginning to end.
The beginning being, when Cherica left their reveal appointment, floating on air with joy, and proceeded to go out to lunch for a private celebration, and then stopped by the Publix to order the cake for the next night, they encountered instant, inexplicable ignorance.
As in, the lady who took the order had serious difficulty even spelling Erica's name. E-R-I-C-A, my daughter patiently spelled. More than once. P-O-R-T-E-R, she spelled a few times too.
That was only the first line at the top of the form.
What if her name had been Getsemani Szymanscowicz? Best not go there. Because she'd still be there.
Moving on. Since you already know the answer, I can reveal that next, Little Mama explained that the inside of the cake needed to be blue.
As in, the actual interior cake material was to be food-colored B-L-U-E. For a B-O-Y.
Because that is the gender of our new grandchild.
The lady seemed befuddled and the form-filling-out continued laboriously for a quarter hour until Cherica felt there was nothing more they could do but leave the matter in the bakery's hands.
What could go wrong; right?
Wrong.
Because the next day, when Erica showed up to claim her order, they produced a great big blue cake.
As in, a cake covered in blue frosting.
? ? ? ? ?
Erica scarcely knew where to begin.
Knowing her as I do, I suspect that her first word was Nooooo ...
From there it devolved into the bakery worker (not the same one who took the order the day before) offering to scrape off the blue frosting and replace it with white.
Mmmmmkay.
So she did that, and a flustered Erica paid for her cake and left. She was halfway home before it hit her: If the person who took the order and the person who made the cake thought the outside was to be blue, what's on the inside?
Once at home, having cut discreetly into a tiny part of the cake, her worst fears were confirmed.
The cake inside was white.
And not in a racist way! Just in a totally whack-a-doodle wrong way.
I mean, come on people! You are a bakery! Don't tell me this is your first rodeo with a gender-reveal cake order!
Quick-thinking girl that she is, and having well and truly run out of time, Erica sent Chad, her liege man of life and limb, off to the store to procure blue sprinkles.
And once she'd covered the top of the white cake in artificially colored sugar crystals, she hid the symbolic dessert in the back bedroom -- Don't go in there! I was cautioned upon arrival -- until time for the "reveal."
The plan was that at the big moment, she'd retrieve the bakery blunder decorated with aftermarket blue sugar, and bring it to the table where we would all learn the baby's gender by just eyeballing said cake.
Oh wow, good thinking! One would be justified in exulting. Done and done!
But one's sense of relief would be premature because the hits kept coming.
As in, that afternoon, TG and Chad had run an errand together and, in the course of said innocent endeavor, had had a conversation with a dad whose young son was in tow.
TG walked away for a moment. Chad could not contain the news that his wife was carrying a son, so he revealed to the dad and his little boy that his own little boy was on the way.
TG came back into the circle and eventually everyone was saying their farewells, at which time the dad said to Chad words to the effect: Congratulations on your boy!
Oopsie.
So just like that, TG knew. Before i did.
(BTW the other grandparents, Greg and Jane, had been told the baby's gender the night before, over an apres-prayer meeting snack at Waffle House.)
So they knew before i did.
Back at the Porter domicile, over hamburgers, Erica shot herself in the foot by being unable to stop talking about her conversations with the bakers and workers at Publix who had gotten her cake order all wrong.
I TOLD them to make the inside blue ... she said, then, realizing what she'd done, hung her head in shame.
Audrey and I looked at each other in disbelief.
So then we knew.
Somebody blue it
Dagny was the only one who didn't pick up on the faux pas, though she was sitting right there. She was still in the dark and we let her stay there.
As yet we had seen neither hide nor hair of the gender "reveal" cake.
That left our Tar Heel contingent, who were among the last people in the Western Hemisphere who did not already know the gender.
I got them on FaceTime and we filled them in on the salient (but not gender-specific) details and said congratulations! At least you lot will be surprised when you see the cake that Erica is about to bring into the room.
We neglected to FaceTime Andrew and Brittany; I forget why. We were all so confused and probably needed sugar.
And sugar finally arrived when Erica at last trotted out the cake and Dagny saw it, then Stephanie et al saw it and at least SOMEBODY was surprised.
After losing Shiloh a few days before, Steph and Joel and the kids needed a joyous occasion so I'm really okay with them being the ones who got a happy proper surprise, instead of us.
Besides; me pirate instincts had already informed me that it was a boy long before the gender reveal cake debacle unfolded.
Our second grandson! What a gift from God and a cause to rejoice.
And we do.
Our next party parties are on Saturday and Monday, to celebrate our Audrey's birthday. I'll tell you all about those in due time. With pictures!
And that is all for now except to say, I love you and hope you have a great rest of your week.
Eat some cake!
=0=0=0=
Happy Thursday
Reader Comments (15)
HA!!!! I love the story, and the child will someday love the story too. I'm happy for Erica and Chad. I assume the little guy will be born this summer. The cake looks moist and delicious even if it didn't serve the purpose of revealing anything. Happy days and congratulations to your family!
Oh my! I would call this a true comedy of errors. But hey, at least your first gender reveal party will be really memorable!
@Barb ... he is due at the end of July! It was good cake but it had too much frosting, haaaahaa! Some of the blue remained underneath and then she added white. Thank you for your good wishes! I will convey them to the happy parents. xoxo
@Ginny ... You are right! That's exactly what it was, and truly unforgettable! xoxo
Well - you promised me a good story and you were true to your word! You can't make these things up!
I'm sorry that you were the last grandparent to know though. I mean really? :)
That being said, this will be a story that will go down in Baby Porter history.
Congratulations! I'm so happy for all of you!
@Mari ... Indeed! The PIRATE grandparent being the last to know? There's something wrong with that, haaahaaaa! But it's all good. What a fun time we will have waiting for Baby Porter to arrive! xoxo
HA! My goodness, what a story. And you are a good story teller my dear pirate.
The Sleepy Joe - MAGA hat .. that I read out loud to my husband. He roared in laughter.
You have two fans in Wisconsin. Keep writing!
Carla
Well, for goodness sake! Wouldn't it have been funny to see the reactions of they were to cut through white icing into a .....white cake? I have watched some gender reveal fails on YouTube that are plain scary! Congratulations on your new grandson!
@Carla ... Haaahaha I tickled Jeremy's funnybone all the way from South Carolina? I think I'm done for the day! When it comes to Sleepy Joe, alas one does not have to try very hard! But it's great to have fans! xoxo
@Gayla ... Thanks and yes, that would have been funny. It would also be funny to compile stories about gender reveals gone wrong! Haaahaaha xoxo
This is hysterical...
What more is there to say????????
Lots and lots of giggggggles....
And gentle hugs, of course,
Mari-Nanci
"Beside a babbling brook" blog
@Mari-Nanci ... I can't think of a thing except ... hooray! xoxo
Oh boy! Oh boy OH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! congratulations-----happy happy news!!!! I'm very excited for them!
Aww! Congratulations on the upcoming grandson! As I'm sure you know and can agree little boys are delightful! As for the bakery worker at Publix,,,,you have to wonder how some people manage to dress themselves in the morning! All's well that ends well!
@Debbi ... Isn't it wonderful? xoxo
@Jeanette ... Exactly! And how is she gainfully employed? Haaahaha the cake was good if a bit over-frosted. And for that wee lad on the way, it's worth it. xoxo
Oh my gosh, you have a gift for spinning a funny tale. Who knew a gender reveal cake could be such an epic fail. Good post. Like you, I found out the gender of my kids when I gave birth. Old school.
@Terra ... Hi friend and thank you! Yes it was amusing and gave us something to look back on as a good time. xoxo