Tilt or wilt

OK so we have this outdoor furniture and like most of similar such equipment, it is outfitted with a great big umbrella.

Of course I prefer the word bumbershoot to umbrella.

Although I do like the word umbrella, how often does one get to say bumbershoot?

Rarely, in my experience. It's the sort of word that just has to be blurted out.

But I do believe if I am not mistaken, that the word bumbershoot is commonly meant to denote the handheld type of device that keeps rain off you.

As opposed to the large, elaborately anchored apparatus -- usually situated in the middle of a table designed for al fresco dining -- intended to keep the sun off you.

Anyway, be that as it may, last summer toward the end of August I told TG we needed to replace our sunshade umbrella as it was looking tattered.

So off we went to Sam's Club and found exactly what we wanted, and I was excited because on the picture that was attached to our new umbrella, it was tilted.

Our old umbrella did not tilt. You had two choices: open or closed.

The rakishly tilted umbrella picture spoke to me of a certain continental sensibility.

Something somehow chic and sophisticated, out of the ordinary. Sort of Riviera-ish, South-of-France-ish. Aren't all the umbrellas tilted there? Because they are copying what we do in South Carolina?

I will thank you not to snicker.

At any rate last summer when we got our new umbrella home and TG installed it, I immediately requested that it be continentally tilted.

And it wasn't his fault at all but he couldn't figure out how to tilt it.

He told me as much and that sent me running for the large, brightly-colored card that had been attached to our new umbrella when we bought it.

I read every word of the card, both sides, all four languages -- and YES, for your information one of them was French -- and found nary a syllable pertaining to the tilting of our newly-acquired umbrella.

TG peered and probed and snatched the card from my hand and perused and peered again and came up with nothing.

Our umbrella remained in one of two positions for the rest of the summer: open or closed. We were tiltless. And when the fall came, TG closed it a final time and stowed it in the garage.

So about three weeks ago we hauled our umbrella out and set it up and opened it. As opposed to leaving it closed.

I tried not to think -- or be bitter -- about the fact that it should tilt but didn't.

I often sit outside at the table with a soft drink, my phone, and my laptop, writing. And believe me, at certain times of day if your umbrella does not tilt, you will wilt.

But I was living with it, not wanting to be a nag, until the Bothertons moved in next door.

Now, Jim and Suzanne had an umbrella -- a dark green one -- on their patio and I noticed they'd left it when they moved. I never saw it tilted.

But the Bothertons? They brought with them an umbrella so fancy, so advanced, it makes a mere tilted umbrella appear hopelessly passe.

See --

Now who's a nosy neighbor? Mea culpa! Guilty as sin! But I had to show you, didn't I?

Anyway when I saw that, it was like throwing red meat in front of a hungry dog.

"TG," I said. "TG my love. I want our umbrella tilted and I want it tilted today. Savvy?"

I might have said it nicer than that.

Naturally my dearest love, squinting and scowling, hustled right over to said straight-arrow umbrella and began peering and prodding the same as he did last summer.

"Don't you just, like, push in right there?" I wondered out loud, pointing, only trying to be helpful already.

"Well no! Obviously you need some kind of a tool," was my darling's quasi-exasperated reply.

"But it didn't come with a tool!" I said, making every attempt to remain calm -- or what for me passes for calm, use your imagination -- but envisioning a second tiltless summer and barely able to tolerate the prospect.

"It only came with a card and the card didn't explain how to tilt it!" I reminded my inamorato.

"Go look it up on the Internet," he instructed.

(I look everything up on the Internet. I've probably looked YOU up on the Internet.)

I gave a dramatic sigh and stomped toward the house -- becuase that's just what I do -- and as I went I asked TG if our umbrella had a first name.

Like O-S-C-A-R, only not that.

Or a second name, like M-A-Y-E-R, only of course not that.

"Towa!" He shouted after me. "T-O-W-A."

I hotfooted it to my computer and in the Google search field I might or might not have typed: "How to tilt your Towa."

You won't believe!

The first result was an ask-type forum where in recent days someone had been a voice similar to mine, crying in the wilderness: "We bought a 10-foot Towa umbrella from Sam's Club. It's supposed to be tiltable but we can't figure out how to tilt it. There were no instructions. Any suggestions?"

And beneath it, an elegantly simple and excruciatingly reasonable solution:

"When it's fully cranked open, just turn the crank one more time and it'll tilt."

Oh.

I went back outside to where our umbrella stood, in the fully open position. TG had left the scene to do something else.

I grasped the crank and turned one time.

Tilt.

See? It pays to be cranky.

And now I shall not wilt for we have tilt.

Remember: Google your problems away!

And stay cool on this, the longest day of the year.

That is all.

Comments

[glenda]

Jim always told me, "when in doubt read the directions", but back in the dark ages when there
were no directions enclosed we didn't have internet to go look it up. I got my computer before he was gone and then he would just grin at me and say "go look it up babe". Haha. Yay for the internet. I'm addicted to say the least!! And so HAPPY that you now have *THE TILT* so that you dont WILT!

[Mari]

Yay for the internet! The umbrella looks nice - and so much classier now that it can tilt!
I have to say you are way tougher than me - I would be wilting even under the umbrella. :)

[irene]

I love it! " I shall not wilt for we now have tilt" But I do like the neighbors umbrella, but I think I might need to have more yardage.

[Donna M.]

LOL, I'm glad that the Botherton's provided you sufficient motivation to find out how to tilt your umbrella. I would have automatically Googled for the answer, but my quick reading showed that you were already on that track. You'd be amazed how many people think of me as intelligent because I answer their burning umbrella-tilt-type questions. Drat, now you know my secret!

[Audrey]

OH, good job! : ) It looks oh-so-French now.

[Sue the Hobbit]

I am convinced that you can find anything on Google if you can just figure out the right words to type into the search box. I'm always rescuing Jeff from mechanical dilemmas with help from Google.

[Donna (Texas)]

Motivation...Works every Time!Hahaaaa
Now...Where's the mint juleps? Baileys? Hahaaaa
Happy Weekend, Tilting!
hughugs