Bring Me That Horizon

Welcome to jennyweber dot com

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Home of Jenny the Pirate

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Our four children

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Our eight grandchildren

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This will go better if you

check your expectations at the door.

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We're not big on logic

but there's no shortage of irony.

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 Nice is different than good.

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Oh and ...

I flunked charm school.

So what.

Can't write anything.

> Jennifer <

Causing considerable consternation
to many fine folk since 1957

Pepper and me ... Seattle 1962

  

In The Market, As It Were

 

 

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Contributor to

American Cemetery

published by Kates-Boylston

Hoist The Colors

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Insist on yourself; never imitate.

Your own gift you can present

every moment

with the cumulative force

of a whole life’s cultivation;

but of the adopted talent of another

you have only an extemporaneous

half possession.

That which each can do best,

none but his Maker can teach him.

> Ralph Waldo Emerson <

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Represent:

The Black Velvet Coat

Belay That!

This blog does not contain and its author will not condone profanity, crude language, or verbal abuse. Commenters, you are welcome to speak your mind but do not cuss or I will delete either the word or your entire comment, depending on my mood. Continued use of bad words or inappropriate sentiments will result in the offending individual being banned, after which they'll be obliged to walk the plank. Thankee for your understanding and compliance.

> Jenny the Pirate <

A Pistol With One Shot

Ecstatically shooting everything in sight using my beloved Nikon D3100 with AF-S DX Nikkor 18-55mm 1:3.5-5.6G VR kit lens and AF-S Nikkor 50mm f/1.8 G prime lens.

Also capturing outrageous beauty left and right with my Nikon D7000 blissfully married to my Nikkor 85mm f/1.4D AF prime glass. Don't be jeal.

And then there was the Nikon AF-S DX NIKKOR 18-200mm f:3.5-5.6G ED VR II zoom. We're done here.

Dying Is A Day Worth Living For

I am a taphophile

Word. Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Great things are happening at

Find A Grave

If you don't believe me, click the pics.

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Dying is a wild night

and a new road.

Emily Dickinson

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REMEMBRANCE

When I am gone

Please remember me

 As a heartfelt laugh,

 As a tenderness.

 Hold fast to the image of me

When my soul was on fire,

The light of love shining

Through my eyes.

Remember me when I was singing

And seemed to know my way.

Remember always

When we were together

And time stood still.

Remember most not what I did,

Or who I was;

Oh please remember me

For what I always desired to be:

A smile on the face of God.

David Robert Brooks

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 Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

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Keep To The Code

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You Want To Find This
The Promise Of Redemption

Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not;

But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:

In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake.

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.

So then death worketh in us, but life in you.

We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I BELIEVED, AND THEREFORE HAVE I SPOKEN; we also believe, and therefore speak;

Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.

For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

II Corinthians 4

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THE DREAMERS

In the dawn of the day of ages,
 In the youth of a wondrous race,
 'Twas the dreamer who saw the marvel,
 'Twas the dreamer who saw God's face.


On the mountains and in the valleys,
By the banks of the crystal stream,
He wandered whose eyes grew heavy
With the grandeur of his dream.

The seer whose grave none knoweth,
The leader who rent the sea,
The lover of men who, smiling,
Walked safe on Galilee --

All dreamed their dreams and whispered
To the weary and worn and sad
Of a vision that passeth knowledge.
They said to the world: "Be glad!

"Be glad for the words we utter,
Be glad for the dreams we dream;
Be glad, for the shadows fleeing
Shall let God's sunlight beam."

But the dreams and the dreamers vanish,
The world with its cares grows old;
The night, with the stars that gem it,
Is passing fair, but cold.

What light in the heavens shining
Shall the eye of the dreamer see?
Was the glory of old a phantom,
The wraith of a mockery?

Oh, man, with your soul that crieth
In gloom for a guiding gleam,
To you are the voices speaking
Of those who dream their dream.

If their vision be false and fleeting,
If its glory delude their sight --
Ah, well, 'tis a dream shall brighten
The long, dark hours of night.

> Edward Sims Van Zile <

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Freedom is a fragile thing and is never more than one generation away from extinction. It is not ours by inheritance; it must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people. Those who have known freedom and then lost it, have never known it again.

~ Ronald Reagan

Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Not Without My Effects

My Compass Works Fine

The Courage Of Our Hearts

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Daft Like Jack

 "I can name fingers and point names ..."

And We'll Sing It All The Time
  • Elements Series: Fire
    Elements Series: Fire
    by Peter Kater
  • Danny Wright Healer of Hearts
    Danny Wright Healer of Hearts
    by Danny Wright
  • Grace
    Grace
    Old World Records
  • The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    Stone Angel Music, Inc.
  • Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Real Music
  • Copia
    Copia
    Temporary Residence Ltd.
  • The Poet: Romances for Cello
    The Poet: Romances for Cello
    Spring Hill Music
  • Nightfall
    Nightfall
    Narada Productions, Inc.
  • Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    RCA
  • The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    by William Voegeli
  • The Art of Memoir
    The Art of Memoir
    by Mary Karr
  • The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    by Emily Dickinson
  • Among The Dead: My Years in The Port Mortuary
    Among The Dead: My Years in The Port Mortuary
    by John W. Harper
  • On Writing Well, 30th Anniversary Edition: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction
    On Writing Well, 30th Anniversary Edition: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction
    by William Zinsser
  • Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    by Steven Milloy
  • The Amateur
    The Amateur
    by Edward Klein
  • Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    by Matt Barber, Paul Hair
  • In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
  • Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
    Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
    by Tod Benoit
  • Bird Brains: The Intelligence of Crows, Ravens, Magpies, and Jays
    Bird Brains: The Intelligence of Crows, Ravens, Magpies, and Jays
    by Candace Savage
  • Gifts of the Crow: How Perception, Emotion, and Thought Allow Smart Birds to Behave Like Humans
    Gifts of the Crow: How Perception, Emotion, and Thought Allow Smart Birds to Behave Like Humans
    by John Marzluff Ph.D., Tony Angell
  • Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    by Andrew Breitbart
  • 11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    by Paul Kengor
  • Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    by Bernd Heinrich
  • Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    by Matthew Rolston
  • Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    by Todd Harra, Ken McKenzie
  • America's Steadfast Dream
    America's Steadfast Dream
    by E. Merrill Root
  • Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    by Alexandra Day
  • Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
    Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
    by Lynne Truss
  • The American Way of Death Revisited
    The American Way of Death Revisited
    by Jessica Mitford
  • In Six Days : Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation
    In Six Days : Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation
    Master Books
  • Architects of Ruin: How big government liberals wrecked the global economy---and how they will do it again if no one stops them
    Architects of Ruin: How big government liberals wrecked the global economy---and how they will do it again if no one stops them
    by Peter Schweizer
  • Grave Influence: 21 Radicals and Their Worldviews That Rule America From the Grave
    Grave Influence: 21 Radicals and Their Worldviews That Rule America From the Grave
    by Brannon Howse
  • Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow: The Tragic Courtship and Marriage of Paul Laurence Dunbar and Alice Ruth Moore
    Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow: The Tragic Courtship and Marriage of Paul Laurence Dunbar and Alice Ruth Moore
    by Eleanor Alexander
Easy On The Goods
  • Waiting for
    Waiting for "Superman"
    starring Geoffrey Canada, Michelle Rhee
  • The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    starring Bette Davis, Ernest Borgnine, Debbie Reynolds, Barry Fitzgerald, Rod Taylor
  • Bernie
    Bernie
    starring Jack Black, Shirley MacLaine, Matthew McConaughey
  • Remember the Night
    Remember the Night
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, Fred MacMurray, Beulah Bondi, Elizabeth Patterson, Sterling Holloway
  • The Ox-Bow Incident
    The Ox-Bow Incident
    starring Henry Fonda, Dana Andrews, Mary Beth Hughes, Anthony Quinn, William Eythe
  • The Bad Seed
    The Bad Seed
    starring Nancy Kelly, Patty McCormack, Henry Jones, Eileen Heckart, Evelyn Varden
  • Shadow of a Doubt
    Shadow of a Doubt
    starring Teresa Wright, Joseph Cotten, Macdonald Carey, Patricia Collinge, Henry Travers
  • The More The Merrier
    The More The Merrier
    starring Jean Arthur, Joel McCrea, Charles Coburn, Bruce Bennett, Ann Savage
  • Act of Valor
    Act of Valor
    starring Alex Veadov, Roselyn Sanchez, Nestor Serrano
  • Deep Water
    Deep Water
    starring Tilda Swinton, Donald Crowhurst, Jean Badin, Clare Crowhurst, Simon Crowhurst
  • Sunset Boulevard
    Sunset Boulevard
    starring William Holden, Gloria Swanson, Erich Von Stroheim, Nancy Olson, Fred Clark
  • Penny Serenade
    Penny Serenade
    starring Cary Grant, Irene Dunne, Edgar Buchanan, Beulah Bondi
  • Double Indemnity
    Double Indemnity
    starring Fred MacMurray, Barbara Stanwyck, Edward G. Robinson, Porter Hall, Jean Heather
  • Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    starring Gary Anthony Williams
  • Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Passion River
  • It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    starring Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert
  • Stella Dallas
    Stella Dallas
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, John Boles, Anne Shirley, Barbara O'Neil, Alan Hale
  • The Iron Lady
    The Iron Lady
    starring Meryl Streep, Jim Broadbent, Harry Lloyd, Anthony Head, Alexandra Roach
  • Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    starring Peter Sallis, Anne Reid, Sally Lindsay, Melissa Collier, Sarah Laborde
  • The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    starring Red Balloon
  • Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    starring William Holden, Don Taylor, Otto Preminger, Robert Strauss, Harvey Lembeck
  • The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    starring Ginger Rogers, Ray Milland
  • My Dog Skip
    My Dog Skip
    starring Frankie Muniz, Diane Lane, Luke Wilson, Kevin Bacon
  • Sabrina
    Sabrina
    starring Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, William Holden, Walter Hampden, John Williams
  • The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    starring Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, Shirley Temple, Rudy Vallee, Ray Collins
  • Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jack Davenport
  • Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    starring Bette Davis, Paul Henreid, Claude Rains, Gladys Cooper, John Loder
  • The Trip To Bountiful
    The Trip To Bountiful
  • Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
    Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
That Dog Is Never Going To Move

~ RIP JAVIER ~

1999 - 2016

Columbia's Finest Chihuahua

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~ RIP SHILOH ~

2017 - 2021

My Tar Heel Granddog

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~ RIP RAMBO ~

2008 - 2022

Andrew's Beloved Pet

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Click on our pictures to visit our

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Sunday
Jun202010

The ties that bind

What a father says to his children is not heard by the world, but it will be heard by posterity.

~Jean Paul Richter~

Three out of four.Papaw.Ice creamy cake.

Saturday
Jun192010

From San Pellegrino to the Pickin' Parlor

Beaucoup Caliente.So on Friday night, TG and I went out on a date to celebrate the thirty-first anniversary of our wedding, which was actually June sixteenth. 

It was sort of a two-chapter date just like it was a two-chapter anniversary.

Chapter One involved a dinner reservation at a restaurant where we last ate on our thirtieth anniversary, a year and two days ago. 

A tad pricey but the experience is worth it to mark special occasions, we think.

First thing after they seat you, which takes place with great decorum, one of your waiters (there ends up being several and clearly they are schooled in The Fine Art Of Swarming) zeroes in on your beverage order.

Please Leave Us Cold

At this particular place I always fall for the suggestion of Pellegrino. I do like me a glass of ice-cold Pellegrino now and then.

The little guy cruising around with the tray of San Pellegrino and Panna Mineral Water walks slowly, hunched over slightly, as though he's carrying a load of Heavy Water up the Rhine for some diabolic warmongering purpose.

Water with personality.But he expertly fills my glass with Pellegrino and leaves the bottle. Good man.

TG requests an Arnold Palmer -- his hooch of choice in recent days -- and the waiter does not flinch as he sees the size of his gratuity diminish with the stark absence of an alcohol order. 

We do not imbibe! Sorry, Charlie.

The ArPa materializes on our table within moments and there don't appear to be any hard feelings. Soon TG is sipping away with a contented sigh. 

Then he remembers he left my anniversary card in the car, which got valet parked.

He jumps up and hustles out before I can make a scene.

Did You Check The Fridge?

Across the room a man WEARING A BASEBALL CAP indoors at a fancy-schmancy restaurant has been seated and progressed to the drink-ordering stage. He asks for lemonade loudly enough that I can eavesdrop without so much as trying.

I go bananas.He is told by the waiter that they don't have lemonade.

I look down at TG's glass. Then what exactly IS that pale yellow substance mingling with his sweet tea? 

TG's back by then and I tell him what the waiter told the etiquette-challenged diner five tables away. TG sips his Arnold Palmer.  

"They do too have lemonade," he says.

Well Done, Good And Faithful Servant

I take a few pictures like a tourist (For you! All for you!) and we order our dinner. The restaurant is filling up.

Presently we are dining on crisp salads and fork-tender filets and sauteed mushrooms and sweet potato casserole and soft-baked bread with real butter. 

Over the bridge to W.C.When it's time for dessert I dither over whether to order my usual -- creme brulee -- or to branch out. I end up going for the caramelized banana cream pie -- with French press coffee.

The banana cream pie is a tart shell with CREAMY stuff inside and imbricated banana discs on top which have been blow-torched to a crunchy brown. Pretty good but not as good as creme brulee with fresh berries in season.

The coffee is spectacular.

Jam, y'all.Richard, our main waiter, tells us he and his wife celebrated their third anniversary this week, the day before ours. We've been married ten times longer. 

He seems like a nice guy. I hope they make it.

Moving Right Along

For Chapter Two we hail our chariot from the valet boys and head across the river into West Columbia, the border of which is now marked, I notice, with a sign featuring a cascading fountain.

Which is interesting since West Columbia is not exactly Beverly Hills. But whatever.

Next stop, Bill's Pickin' Parlor.

This is where bluegrass musicians jam every Friday night in a locale so dilapidated, it makes the Grand Ole Opry look like the Taj Mahal on top of Buckingham Palace joined at the hip with Versailles.

Bill Wells: local legend.It has seen better days, but none more devoted to pickin' and singin'.

Bill Wells, the boss man, presides over jam night at the pickin' parlor as he has for a quarter century, tapping his foot on the sidelines as musicians traipse onto the stage and render tunes like Lily's White Lies with total bluegrass abandon.

We greet some old friends and make a few new ones. I want to go home but not before a stop at the concession stand.

I know! I know! I have enjoyed a seven-dollar bottle of Pellegrino, a thirty-five dollar steak, a nine-dollar dessert, and a five-dollar pot of coffee. What more could I possibly want? Or fit in?

Well, since you're so all-fired inquisitive, I'll tell you: a dollar-fifty bottle of Blenheim HOT Ginger Ale.

It Don't Mean A Thing If It Ain't Got That Sting

TG forks over the two bucks and I wait for my Blenheim's and fifty cents change. The girl goes to knock the cap off the bottle but I tell her not to; I want to savor it in the privacy of my home.

Open-air jammers.Later, in my favorite chair, having changed into something comfortable, I sip the most daring drink I'm likely to hazard in the foreseeable future.

This ginger ale goes down -- as the name says -- HOT. I think they fix it as normal, then give it a triple-shot of citric acid. The result would remove tooth enamel if not gum tissue. 

Your tongue might even lose some volume if you got sassy and held onto a mouthful a beat too long.

So you face your fears and swallow.

Let The Flames Begin

And it's like you ingested thirty-eleven lit matches that are scorching a trail from your throat to the floor of your belly, where they ignite a little eternal torch.

Arson of the innards. Yum.

A well-worn path of egress.Repeat till you feel the need to suck on the business end of a fire extinguisher.

If they dumped a few million gallons of Blenheim's into the Gulf of Mexico, that oil would burn off quicker'n a firefly's wink. Obama's presidency could possibly be saved.

It might even solve our illegal alien problem. You never know.

Friday
Jun182010

The Brenda Photo Challenge

Prolific blogger and photographer Donna Staas, author and keeper of Made in Heaven -- as well as of several other fine sites -- sponsors and promotes The Brenda Photo Challenge.

This involves a weekly thematic posting of original photos.

You're Getting Sleepy

The theme for this week is Bedtime.

Here are my entries ... two faces with which you may be familiar, all ready for sleep.

First, Allissa:

Night night.

And, of course, Javier ... a/k/a Sir Snoozeth:

Fading fast.

For good measure, how 'bout another Javier?

OK ... going now.

Baby girls and puppy dogs get all soft and warm and droopy when they're tired. Come to think of it, so do I.

It's adorable. The kids and critters, that is.

Wake Up!

Like to join in the fun? We wish you would. Click on over to The Brenda Photo Challenge and sign on the linky line.

Scoot! While you're thinking about it.

Happy weekend!

Thursday
Jun172010

SkyWatch

Thanks to my new blogging buddy, Donna Staas, a stellar blogger and remarkably talented photographer, I discovered something.

To wit:

There's a blog called SkyWatch Friday.

You can see sky pictures taken by shutterbugs all around the world!

I like what they're doing over there, so consider this my first contribution. 

The below pic is "clickable" to slightly embiggen, if you're into that sort of thing.

Sky over Folly Beach (Charleston), South Carolina, January 2010 Photo Jennifer Weber

If you didn't fall for the link above, click here to visit SkyWatch Friday ... or if you'd rather, click the pretty picture below!

Maybe you should enter your own sky picture. Just a thought.

And don't think you have to ooooh and aaaaah over my picture. I'm a rank amateur.

Simply gaze and enjoy.

As you were.

Thursday
Jun172010

Poorly peddled petals

Only send the real thing. Photo Jennifer Weber 2010So you already know it was my anniversary on Wednesday.

What you didn't know is, for the first June 16th since 1978 -- before we began dating -- TG and I did not see one another.

He's been working out of town and won't be home until Friday.

I've got expedited transcripts so it was a working day for me too.

Early in the afternoon I was in my office in the downstairs rear of the house, wearing headphones, transcribing South Carolina Bubbatalk, when the call came in on my cell.

It was a florist, and he had a delivery for me. TG had told them they needed to call first; I'd never hear the doorbell through the headphones and Bubbaspeak.

The deliveryman said he'd be on my front porch in thirty minutes. I thanked him and ran to make myself presentable for viewing -- however briefly -- by a human being.

(Javier doesn't count because, as long as there's kibble in his dish and someplace to flop down and sleep, he could care less if I wear my nightgown all day.)

Happy Half-Hours Waiting For Flowers

I did a few things in the kitchen and had progressed to sweeping the front walk when the perky white-and-green floral delivery van arrived.

Since I was already in the yard, I met the deliveryman at the car, still holding onto my broom.

Which, no matter what you hear, I do not ride.

I hopped from foot to foot in an ecstasy of anticipation while he opened the doors and walked around the van, checking all the cards.

He came back around to the side where I was standing. He was empty-handed.

"I must've forgotten your flowers," he said.

I stared. Forgotten? My flowers? He called a half hour ago to say he was bringing them right over!

"Will you be home all day?" he asked.

I said I would. (What if I'd said I wouldn't?)

He said he'd be back later. (What else could he say?)

Bloom And Doom

I got back inside before I started crying.

I know! I know it was foolish! Such a small, insignificant thing!

But my TG wasn't here and then there were going to be flowers and my girlish heart was all aflutter and then there were no flowers, and everybody else's had to get delivered before I could have mine.

By the way … the florist's shop is a scant mile from my house. It would have taken the deliveryman in his perky green-and-white PT Cruiser under ten minutes to retrieve my flowers.

But that wasn't important. Not to him. My flowers could wait. I could wait. It would be my thirty-first wedding anniversary all day and he had to consider the whims of other stems.

I sent the florist an email. I said I wasn't exactly complaining but just wanted to point out that flowers are both highly symbolic and very expensive, and every flower order should be handled with the utmost sensitivity and discretion.

The florist did not favor me with a response.

Blossoms Playing Possum

I love you bunches. Photo Jennifer Weber 2010The flowers arrived just after four o'clock. It was a truly beautiful arrangement but you won't believe … there were three fake gardenias amongst the white hydrangeas, red roses, and eucalyptus.

TG requested gardenias be added to my bouquet but there weren't any, so the florist offered to substitute pretend ones, which in my opinion he should never have done because they looked ridiculous. 

I took them out.

Gardenias are like love. Faux? No. Give me the real thing or nothing.

The roses were a little worse for wear too, since they'd spent all day in the cooler, pining for me. A shrivel here, a split petal there. 

Do you know what it costs to send flowers these days?

That time when I contacted the florist, I used the phone. And I did complain.

All I got was excuses. They were busy. The roses were fine. The phony gardenias weren't their fault. I was being unreasonable.

People who push petals for a living should be more than order-takers. They should understand that to a flower -- or a lady waiting for flowers -- three hours is a long time.

And fake flowers don't belong in a bouquet of fresh ones.

Flowers are emotionally charged markers of uber-sentimental occasions. 

Treat them like ticking time bombs.