The crust of the matter

She came through it like a champ and has a neon yellow cast to prove it

Profuse pirate apols for being absent so long. I have been busy summering and have neglected you.

To begin, as so many have asked after her: Dagny is doing great.

She endured with bravery the break in her tibia being set a week ago, and was none the worse for the experience. Her new cast is neon yellow.

On that day I had invited everyone to come over for supper, as I wanted to try my hand at making pizza with a low-carb crust.

Here it is, all baked up and waiting for toppings

I had found a recipe for pizza crust using almond flour, which has a negligible carb count, and as most pizza toppings are extremely low in carbs as well, I thought we may have a winner.

A trip to the grocery store was warranted and I suggested that Audrey and Dagny meet me there after her appointment with the pediatric orthopedist.

We love to shop together.

I arrived first and sure enough as I came around the end of an aisle to proceed into the next one, I saw Audrey coming towards me, pushing a cart containing a bright-yellow casted Dagny.

Tomatoes, mushrooms, sausage, fresh mozzarella, and pepperoni await their time to shine

My granddaughter was happily brandishing a Starbucks venti caramel and chocolate something or other, the purchase of which her mother quipped had been motivated by mom guilt.

Enjoy every drop of that, Dagny, I said. You've earned it, and then some.

She just grinned, full of sugar and still feeling the effects of a mild painkiller.

The doctor said to come back on August second, at which time Dagny can put her crutches at the back of a closet -- or pitch them into the lake -- because on that day he will fit her with a walking cast.

Off brand perhaps, but thick, spicy, delicious, and forever in my cupboard

She will have to start third grade on August sixteenth wearing that cast, but he promised that she will be able to swim on Labor Day.

That's our last summer get-together, on which we have a big party and celebrate our Stephanie's birthday.

I'll be looking forward to it even more than usual this year.

After I'd purchased everything I'd need for the pizza, plus the other things on my list, I settled up at the till (managing to keep both arms and legs but having briefly contemplated the necessity of selling some of my jewelry) and we parted ways.

The finished product, which I will likely never make again

Everyone would be at my house several hours later for the meal.

The low-carb almond flour pizza crust was super easy to make. Its consistency is a lot like wet sand. It is sticky but not hard to handle; you just have to use parchment paper.

As in, I lined my large jellyroll pan with the paper and dumped the dough onto it. Then I added another layer of parchment paper and began coaxing the dough to the edges.

It took a few minutes but soon enough there was a genuine pizza crust ready for the oven.

Browned Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage mixed with pizza sauce

After baking, it cooled for a long time while I got my toppings ready.

I'd planned to make a low-carb pizza sauce using this recipe, but soon realized that the canned and jarred pizza sauces contain fewer carbs than the tomato paste which is the base of the low-carb version.

That making no sense to me (because I would have had to buy some costly spices too), I bought an inexpensive canned version which turned out to be so delicious, I will be stocking it in my cupboard from now on.

With only two net carbs per one-fourth cup of sauce, it's a winner on every score.

Next: well-drained tomatoes and mushrooms

As the time approached for my guests to arrive, I spread the sauce thickly on my low-carb crust. I added fresh tomatoes, mushrooms, pepperoni, discs of fresh mozzarella, parmesan, and red pepper flakes.

I wait until the pizza is baked to add a light layer of feta cheese to the top.

In due time we were all around the table with generous helpings of low-carb pizza on our plates. I had also made a baked macaroni and cheese because the children love it so much.

I took a bite of my pizza. Ugh. I hated it.

When it comes to cheese, two kinds are better than one

Looking around the table at everyone tasting their pizza, I was filled with fear. No one looked up; they were either too busy eating or they were afraid to look at me lest I see the horror in their eyes.

I think TG was the first one to say that he thought the pizza was delicious. He went for a second helping. Everyone else (besides me) agreed that they were enjoying their meal immensely.

If you don't like pepperoni, you're going to add something else at this point

Here's the thing: I just don't like the taste of almond flour. I already knew that, having used it in another recipe a few months back, but I'd hoped that as pizza crust, combined with the spicy toppings, I wouldn't notice the taste as much.

I was wrong, but as far as I can tell, no one shares my opinion. Erica asked for the recipe for my crust. TG said again that although the crust wasn't like regular pizza, the toppings were so good that he wouldn't mind if we had the almond flour crust all the time.

Wearing a robe of parmesan with a few red pepper flakes and ready for the oven

Audrey said she loved it. Dagny devoured hers. Chad did not complain, but then he wouldn't.

However, I doubt that I'll make it again. I have another recipe for a low-carb pizza crust using coconut flour, and I want to try that because I love the taste of coconut flour. 

Until that time though, I decided to further develop a concoction I've put together before, and always loved: crustless pizza.

Now, up until this time, I'd done that by merely coating the bottom of a baking dish with pizza sauce and adding pepperoni and mozzarella cheese, sprinkling the top with parmesan, and baking it until bubbly.

President is the only brand of feta I'll use

It's delicious and honestly, you don't even miss the crust. I had made that mainly as a snack rather than as a meal.

But, having given myself several days to get over the disappointment of my almond flour crust experience, I decided to dig out and dust off the crustless pizza concept, and zhuzh it up a bit.

So here's how I did it.

I browned a pound of Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage. After it was thoroughly drained, I mixed it with a jar of pizza sauce and spread it in in the bottom of my baking dish.

Baked to bubbly. It doesn't take all that long.

To the top of that I added -- again, completely drained of their liquid -- fresh tomatoes and mushrooms.

The next layer was a mixture of shredded mozzarella and sharp cheddar cheeses.

After that I added a thick layer of pepperoni, and sprinkled a liberal amount of parmesan on top of that.

Into the 350-degree oven it went.

Add the feta because when it comes to cheese, more is more

When it was bubbly, I brought it out and shook a lot of feta over the top. (President is the only brand of feta I will use. Erica gets it for me at Costco and I pay her back.)

Y'all. This is legit. (Low carb for those who care, but you could serve warm pizza bread along with it, for those who don't.)

I guess to be honest I should point out that it's really more like a pizza casserole. It's thick and satisfying, tasty and spicy and so totally pizza-like in taste, but casserole-like in presentation.

Now I need to point out that although this recipe is extremely low in carbs and of course gluten-free in case that is a concern, it is high in fat and calories, and probably sodium too.

A tasty and satisfying supper

If you're counting carbs, as a rule you don't count those other things. If you are counting those other things, this is probably going to be too rich for your blood.

But I pay attention only to carbs, and for many reasons, it works for me.

I will say though, that a relatively small portion of this crustless pizza is filling and satisfying enough that I could not imagine having seconds.

So that's my (unoriginal, but still) contribution to the world of low-carb living: pizza with almond flour crust, with coconut flour crust (which I have yet to try), and with no crust at all.

At church a week ago Sunday with her first hard cast, and on crutches

I hope you have not been bored to tears with my description of these myriad pizza adventures.

Because if all else fails, Hungry Howie's is right around the corner, with virtuous thin-crust pizza on the menu.

Next: Baby Rhett's first birthday party! This coming Saturday, right here!

You know I will tell you all about it after the fact. Meanwhile, I'll make the rounds and find out what all of you have been up to.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Monday