Cold turkey
Wind advisories have been in effect all day today in the Midlands of South Carolina … and with temps in the low 40s, wind chills plummeted to the 30s.
Although our forecast has included none of the snow plaguing the Mid-Atlantic of late, still, for us this has been a cold couple of days.
And so tonight as I was driving home from mid-week service at church, imagine my surprise and delight when a white flaky material began swirling around my car.
"SNOW?!?" I exclaimed to myself, peering up at the sky. I consulted my car's digital console, which said it was 38 degrees outside … hardly cold enough for snow, in my experience.
Hmmmmm.
And then I saw it … looming ahead, moving at a much slower speed than I, just trundling along.
On the plate beside the mashed potatoes.
A great big semi-tractor-trailer load of turkeys.
Hurtling through the cold, windy night, not a Snuggie or a hot toddy to share amongst their considerable number, the turkeys were stuffed at least three abreast (pun intended) in a couple of hundred open wire cages stacked high on the flatbed.
PeTA wouldn't have liked it at all.
And their feathers were being ripped from their poor shivering bodies at such a clip that, behind the truck where I was driving, it appeared for all the world to be snowing.
I exited the Interstate and the turkeys moved on, westbound through the bitter night, being borne no doubt to some processing facility or other.
They'll get even colder before it's over, but the succulent turkey bodies will be warm soon enough. And mighty tasty … as Sarah Palin says, right where they belong: on the plate beside the mashed potatoes.
If you think about it, they don't really need those snowy feathers anymore.
I do believe we'll have turkey for lunch this Sunday … instead of hot dogs.
Mmmmmm!
Reader Comments (6)
I just know there's a Gary Larson cartoon in here somewhere, lol! (Turkey does sound good, doesn't it?)
LOLOL Gary Larson! I miss those Far Side 'toons.
Tracie, if we've got you thinking something sounds good, we're headed in the right direction. Glad you're feeling somewhat better.
My daughter would freak out at the thought of a poor turkey stuffed into those cages. I am afraid that she has gone a little too far in that line of thinking. The scriptures do say something about that a righteous man treats his beasts well. I am not sure where the turkey is in that verse.
In the spring of '70, just such a truck went past our rural home, and a young gobbler with visions of refugee status and succor to be found therein, made an escape into the roadside ditch. My younger brother agreed to hep said refugee in his quest for succor, and tried the "look, Ma, I got a new pet!" ploy.
It would have ended definitively 'round Thanksgiving that year, but I inadvertently hurried the process along, by demonstrating, at once, the (a) worst aim and (b) best shot ever made in my life, two months later. We had premature turkey dinner in April, and my brother never forgave me for denial of diplomatic immunity for his pet.
Sarah was right, though: it was best along side the mashed 'taters ;-)
@ Cheryl ... Your daughter may be a little off-base and I would personally never adopt or promote a position even remotely PeTA-like, but the turkeys did look uncomfortable and I felt a tad sorry for them. And I think in that verse, the turkey is still moist, tender, piping hot, and on the plate. God gave us turkeys for food!
@ SF you are off the chain as usual. Reminds me of a story my own darling TG tells of beaning a chicken with a rock at his grandparents' farm in rural Ohio many moons ago. The chicken was never the same and TG just lately has become more comfortable with chicken dishes. As for moi, may all the fowl rest in juicy pieces on my plate, snugged up to the taters and cornbread.
I was actually able to eat a bit of very thinly sliced turkey lunch meat. It made me cough, but it did taste good. Thanks for your concern. Now that I don't have flames coming from my throat, I'm thinking if I could just stop coughing, I'll probably live. :)