The pirate's pickle panic

This be a pickle post. That's because I'm a pickle freak.

There; I said it.

I drool just thinking about pickles. The sweeter, the better.

Oh wait. The sourer, the better.

Sweet and sour together -- with heat? 

BOOM.

Therein lies the problem. Apparently I'm a pushover for pickles.

However.

Attempting to mind my once-girlish waistline seems to be at odds with consuming pickles with as much sugar (read: carbs) per serving as a movie-size box of Junior Mints.

They look so innocent.

Let's take sweet baby gherkins. Vlasic, Mount Olive, whatever. Pick your poison.

I could stand by the sink and consume half a small jar (I have pickle forks) faster than Donald Trump sets the record straight with a tweet, assuring myself all the while, what's the big deal? They're all natural!

The much desired plant-based diet. Pickles fit the profile.

Then you get into all of the myriad flavor combinations there are out there in the pickle world, devised by folks who just can't seem to leave a pickle alone.

As for the pickle experience itself, I confess that I like heat. Not the kind that numbs your tongue and makes wisps of smoke emerge from your ears, but a more sneaky, less snarky kind.

Sort of medium heat. Like you get with Wickles: a wickedly delicious pickle.

Wickles! The very word! A clever portmanteau of wicked and pickles, the treat is nothing more (or less) than sweet pickle chips infused with heat from two big chili peppers dancing around in the jar with them.

I cannot get enough of Wickles. I make sure I have several jars on hand at all times. One would not like to run out. They're splendid with a nice bowl of egg salad. You don't even miss the bread. The bread you can't eat because you spent all your carbs on pickles.

Roaming Costco one day with my new membership card twinkling in my wallet, I went in search of the pickle aisle.

I wasn't exactly disappointed, but it didn't blow me away either. There were no Wickles but they did have a half-gallon (of course; this is Costco) jar of Famous Dave's Signature Spicy Pickle Chips. Billed as a unique blend of heat & sweet.

I went for it, of course, being, as we have already established, a sucker for the concept of sweet and heat combined in a pickle chip.

Like the Costco pickle aisle itself, these pickles don't make me dream of the next time I can justify opening the jar and putting away at least ten chips at one go.

But they're good. And no; I haven't eaten half the jar already. I gave some to Erica to take home for her and Chad to enjoy, and I filled another smaller jar to store in my main refrigerator, while keeping the nuclear reactor-sized jar outside in the garage fridge.

But then there's the pièce de résistance: on most days I will prefer this pickle over all others. I happened to see these one day while piratically plundering the pickle aisle at Walmart. 

In fact I was looking for Wickles, which, it turns out, Walmart doesn't carry except in the okra version. I don't do pickled okra. So I get my Wickles at Publix, where they're stocked in abundance.

But in lieu of scoring a few jars of Wickles that day at Walmart, I discovered Sam's Club Hot Spicy Maple Bourbon Fresh Pack Pickle Chips.

I must try those, I said, mentally piling them onto a grilled hamburger. I put a large jar into my cart. I could hardly wait to get home, hear the snap of the lid popping, and toss a pickle into my mouth for a taste test.

Now, if you're a teetotaler like me, you may be disturbed by the word bourbon. Don't be. There's none in it. I don't even know why the word is on there; it makes no sense.

Fake news.

What does make sense is the flavor of these pickle chips. I would on some days go so far as to say, I dare you to find a better pickle. The maple is mild; the sour is subtle; the sweet is spectacular.

A profoundly, practically perfect pickle. Not paltry, poky or pitiful but plump and palatable, potent and powerful. Not simply passable, but passionate. 

On other days, Wickles come to the fore and seem like the most spectacular pickle in the world to me.

It's a pickle-picking predicament.

Suffice it to say, on days that end in y, you will find me enjoying either Wickles or Spicy Maple Bourbon pickle chips, either in something or beside something or on something, or all by their onesies.

For the record, I also like plain bread-and-butter pickle chips. With no heat but just the right amount of sweet.

And by the way, you can make your own wicked pickles by adding two fresh chili peppers to an existing jar of bread and butter chips, and letting them hang out together for a while.

If you're the do-it-yourself type, that is. A pickle pioneer.

Sam's Club also offers a version called Mango Habanero. I have a jar, and they're okay -- much hotter than the maple bourbon kind -- but it will take me a while to finish them and I'm not likely to buy them again.

There's also a Thai Chili flavor in the same range, and while they may be delicious -- in fact, probably are -- for some reason that does not appeal to me and I'm afraid to commit.

If that flavor combination does sound scrumptious to you and you try them, please do report back. Thumbs up or down? We need to know.

Likewise if you are savvy as to another similar brand of pickles I should try, do tell.

Meanwhile, you'll find me practicing purposeful purchasing in the plucking of pleasant pickle presences from the plethora of products on offer in the marketplace.

Say that three times fast, then go have a pickle. Or ten.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Tuesday

Comments

[Judy]

I must tell you, I was appalled and shocked when I first saw that word "Bourbon" on that pickle jar. I thought you had back-slide and was prepared to send an e-mail to Pastor.
Thank goodness for your explanation.
I have my grandma's recipe for bread and butter pickles--my sister cans them now, so anytime my jar gets empty, I just go visit her and steal another quart. They are sublime!!!!
I used to eat big Dill Pickles dipped in a glass of milk. For some reason, that salt, bitter taste was made more wonderful with milk.

[Barb]

Well, of course I'm a pickle person - who isn't? However, no sweet for me. I like dill and especially No Frills Dills 1 g of carbs and passable sodium, delicious with a veggie sandwich (pickle on the side). I may have to look for Wickles in City Market. I wonder if they have them in the West? If I see them, I'll buy a jar and think of you as I eat them. Hope all is well, and you're beating the heat. Can you believe summer is almost over?

[Jennifer]

@Judy ... I know, right! I bought the bourbon pickles! But seriously, there's nothing remotely like bourbon in the ingredients list and although I don't technically know what bourbon tastes like, I think I'd notice that sort of twang in a pickle. It's in absentia. All good. Now you've got me wanting homemade bread and butter pickles. You are so sneaky. But a dill pickle in milk? You can have yours and mine too, haaaahaa xoxo

@Barb ... I hope you find Wickles! I think you'll be hooked immediately. And I love non-sweet pickles too, and have lots of them in the cupboard. It is WONDERFUL to "see" you, my friend, as you are never far from my thoughts for long. I dropped by your place yesterday and admired your gorgeous photos, especially those stick sculptures. I've had a wonderful summer and although it's waning, there's lots of good times still to be had. But I long for autumn and love every minute of it. xoxo

[Mari]

Well, you've opened a whole new world for me! You will be appalled to hear that the only pickles I've ever consumed are gherkins and bread and butter! (I don't like dill) I never even knew some of these pickles existed. I love the name Wickles, and I hope I can find some around here!

[Jennifer]

@Mari ... oh, me too! Please let me know if you can't and I'll figure out a way to get some to you. A smuggled jar of Wickles would probably taste even better, haaahaha xoxo

[Sally]

Well, I guess it's settled - you're a pickle pirate.

No dills for me, but there is a HUGE jar of dills on the counter for Patti since her sodium is very low.

Mom made crispy, sweet refrigerator pickles. Sure wish I had some now. :)

xoxo

[Jennifer]

@Sally ... I guess I am! A badge of honor I proudly wear. I wish I had a jar of your mom's fridge pickles. too. xoxo