This Job's Gonna Kill Me, Y'all!

It's like this ... Tuesday I got up at stupid o'clock to drive to Greenville for a 9:30 start ... which meant I had to be in Greenville at 9:00 ... which meant I had to leave home by 7:30 ... which meant I had to get up at 6:00 ... and believe me, that's no fun for this girl. If I had me druthers, the day would start at noon and end around midnight, and no one would talk to me until I had swilled at least three cups of strong coffee liberally laced with CoffeeMate The Original ... you know how this works.

But back to Tuesday ... I got to Greenville and I don't mean to be judgmental but the receptionist at this nice-ish law firm was one degree above frostbite! To ME! And I am so friendly! Always ready with a smile and a picture of Johnny Depp, even at the crack of dawn! I just don't get it ... anyway, she pointed a chilly finger toward the conference room where I was to go. I found the light switches myownself and opened up my equipment case and commenced to get situated ... only to be joined by a very nice lawyer who said perhaps I didn't want to be doing that. "Why don't I want to be doing it?" says I ... and he says, "Well, because we haven't heard from our client and she's probably not going to show."

Hmmm .... so I got myself a cup of coffee from the breakroom and went outside to call my daughter and chat with her while I sipped said joe and awaited further instructions. The cryogenic-poster-child of a receptionist eventually trotted outside to find me and was almost cordial as she confirmed that my services would not be needed on Pettigru Street in Greenville that day ... (I knew she'd warm up to me) ... so back inside I went, packed up my stuff and drove the hundred miles back home! Before you feel sorry for me, let me assure you I will be handsomely remunerated for my time ... as in, travel bonus plus no-show appearance fee. And no transcript to type! This is good. I could be persuaded to do that every day.

Wednesday morning I repeated the revolting activity of getting up WAY before noon, prepared my tired remains for viewing, and drove to the upstate again ... this time to Spartanburg, SC, a/k/a "Sparkle City" (no, I don't know why they call it that) ... for the deposition of a state trooper. Of course he's not in any trouble! The nice lawyers just wanted to ask him about some pretty pictures he took of some longneck bottles that were found in the car of some guy who was drinking his way from South Carolina to Virginia one night a few summers ago! There were no fatalities as a result of the wreck he caused; only severe injuries. Hey, a day in the life, right? Anyway, the depo of said state trooper, after being delayed in starting by the very late arrival of one of the interested parties, lasted all of 25 minutes! Sooo, that done, I re-packed my equipment case and headed back down home.

I was nearly to my exit when, even over the lush strains of Josh Groban reverberating throughout my darling little car, I heard a noise that I wasn't supposed to hear. I silenced Josh. What WAS that? It sounded like a roar in the area of the undercarriage ... then I heard a loud noise like something hitting the underside of my car, and I was certain I had blown a tire. I limped off the interstate and got as close to the guardrail as I could while 18-wheelers doing eighty blew by me at the rate of about thirty per minute. They were so close, I could not even open my door to see which tire had gone! Presently I pulled up until I was past the guardrail so that I could nudge my car farther over to the right, onto the grassy verge. I got out ... looked around ... and all four tires looked perfect! What in the world ... then I noticed something hanging down underneath my car in the front ... which turned out to be a plastic splash guard that had somehow worked loose from its moorings. The roar I had heard was the plastic scraping the road, and the loud noise was when it caught on something and tore almost in two.

Staggering around the grassy verge in high heels, trying to keep my hair from blowing off my head as the trucks continued to hurtle past, I called my husband, who was working not all that far away. Of course he dropped what he was doing (because he's one of the good guys) and came and removed the broken shield so that I could drive home! I'm so thankful it wasn't a flat because I like me tires! Anyway, I went on home and was looking forward to a few hours of restfulness before time to get ready for Wednesday evening prayer meeting. As always, first thing I did was check my phone for messages. I had been scheduled to cover one deposition in Columbia on Thursday morning ... unfortunately I'd have to be dressed and functional way before noon again, but at least I could sleep until 7:30! But wait! Not so fast ...

The phone message said that my services would be needed the following day, not in Columbia as originally and so beautifully planned, but in Manning, SC ... 100 miles away! Arrrrgh! Not only that, the depos would begin at 9:00 a.m., and there were to be eight of them. Yes, NINE. Yes, EIGHT. They were scheduled for 9 a.m., 10 a.m., 11 a.m., 12 p.m., 1 p.m., 2 p.m., 3 p.m., and 4 p.m. I'd have to get up at 5:30 in order to get ready and leave the house no later than 7, to be in Manning by 8:30. I was not happy, not one little bit. I would have refused to go (after all I am an independent contractor and as such, the captain of me own vessel) except, the agency I work for is a small and tight-knit group of reporters and support staff. We're like family. Two of our reporters are brothers, and their mother passed away last weekend. The funeral was to be on Thursday, and I had offered to cover whatever depo they needed me for, to free up other reporters to attend the funeral. I could not say no to getting up and driving to Manning for eight depositions! Even though I was sorely tempted to retire on the spot.

Now, I had to go to church Wednesday night because I had committed earlier in the week to speaking to a group of girls in AWANA ... there would be no calling in sick; they were expecting me. So I spent an hour or so preparing my notes, got freshened up, and headed over to church. I did my talk, had fun with the girls for a while, then drove back home and got into my jammies. I put my pirate on the telly and enjoyed about an hour of his adorableness before falling asleep. I got up at 5:30 on Thursday, got myself together (miracles still happen), drank two cups of strong coffee, and drove to Manning. It really wasn't all that bad. The law firm I went to is one of the nicest places to spend the day. I wish you could see this office space! It is converted 150-year old stables, all old, exposed brick and leaded-glass windows. The conference room where I sat all day has windows looking out to an enclosed courtyard where a 50-foot maple tree grows. It was a beautiful early fall day, warm and breezy, and every now and then some leaves would let go and drift down into the courtyard. All the people who work there are really nice too, and the secretaries loved my pictures of Johnny!

I got home around dinnertime, safely, God be praised. Tomorrow I have two stories for you ... they involve clever animals with cooler heads than their owners. Not so unusual and, I hope, reasonably entertaining! But I won't be verbal until at least noon.