What I Heard And Saw Today

Today I took my bi-weekly (does that mean roughly twice a week?) trip to Wal-Mart. What a beautiful day it was to go shopping! I'm too tired tonight to blog about what the fall of the year means to me, and how much I am enjoying this beautiful weather we are having, but I will tomorrow. Today I just want to say that there are some interesting new products at the store. First of all, I had to laugh when I saw a new product made by the makers of Philadelphia Cream Cheese (Kraft? I'm too lazy to Google it) ... and that would be cheesecake filling in a tub. The kind I saw was chocolate ... I guess the idea is, you buy yourself a ready-made graham cracker crust (because I assume if you're too busy/lazy to make the filling, you dead sure ain't going to take the time to crush the graham crackers or cookies or whatever and press them into a pan), and just pour the contents of the tub into it, maybe scrape a few chocolate curls on top or dot it with some semi-sweet morsels and spray some Redi-Whip, and see if you can convince anyone you took the time to make them a cheesecake! Mercy. Some of us have our standards. If I bought that stuff I'd likely just get me a big old spoon and eat the cheesecake filling out of the tub anyway ... it would never see hide nor hair of a crust, store-bought or homemade or any combination of the two. So I won't be buying any. Just so you know.

By the way, that is the laziest product I've seen since Uncrustables. When those appeared on the market I simply could not believe anyone would be so unmotivated that they could not make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, not to mention cut their own crusts off. It is unnatural for a PB&J sandwich to look like a cross between a Frisbee and a giant pierogi. Just my humble opinion.

I am also intrigued by but have not yet sprung for (because as lazy as I am, I'm too cheap to pay $20 for it) this new thing they've made to hang in your shower, that supposedly keeps it clean. I didn't just notice this today, y'all; I've had my eye on it for quite some time. The idea is, you hang this gizmo somewhere in your shower. It's loaded with bleachy (I assume) cleaning solution. You press a button on the thing, get out of the way, go plop yourself down and watch TV or something, and in due time the contraption will send a spray of cleaning solution 360 degrees around your shower, thereby keeping it pristine. Ciao, mildew! Sayonara, soap scum!

Now. In addition to its high cost (I mean, my bottle of Shower Fresh cost $3 and it's right under the sink. All I have to do is squirt a few times every week or so to keep our shower stall reasonably clean. After all I am not vying for the title of Suzy Homemaker of South Carolina 2007), I have a few issues with this product. First, I just don't know how that stuff is not going to leave all these streaks down the walls of your shower. Gravity is gravity after all, and after the thing sprays, the bleachy stuff is going to run down the walls in streaks, right? Plus which, I don't know how it's not going to make the floor of your shower all slippery. The last thing I need is to step sleepily into my shower and start slipping all over the place and break my neck first thing in the morning. I'd rather have a dingy, safe shower than a gleaming, dangerous shower. Also I think it would just be a matter of time before I forgot to remove my Martha Stewart washcloths from the shower, and wouldn't the bleachy stuff bleach them out? How could it not? Conclusion: I cannot be expected to change my routine as much as this product would involve!

I had a blissful visit at Barnes & Noble tonight! I went over there for two reasons. First, my darling Johnny is going to be on the cover of a magazine which I would otherwise never buy, namely, GQ. It's their 50th year and they are doing ten different covers ... I am sure you already know I am only interested in one of them. I have B&N on speed-dial and have been calling them for a couple of days now to check on the status of their new shipment of GQ. They know my voice now and as soon as I say "Hello ..." they tell me (in a real nice way) that Johnny's not there yet. As soon as they say he is, I'll sprint over there and get my copy plus a few more for some friends who also want it. That is, IF Barnes & Noble gets some of the magazines with Darling Johnny gracing the front. I already told them I don't want Tom Brady, Muhammad Ali, Robert Redford, Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Michael Jordan (although my husband might want that one), Paul Newman, or John F. Kennedy. I think they know what I'm after but I'll call again in the morning to remind them again! They've been really good about this so far!

Second, one of my top five favorite authors, Haven Kimmel, has a new book out, and I just had to have a copy. It actually only came out yesterday. Its title is The Used World, and after all my member discounts (I had an e-coupon plus my card, and it was 20% off to begin with) the final price was only $15.30! And it's a hardback! I am so thrilled. I have lots of work to do tomorrow and Friday, but I am hoping to have time to sit out by the pool on Saturday and read it. If it rains I'll sit by the window in the living room. Quantities of hot fresh coffee will be involved, with real liquid CoffeeMate, the Original (no flavors for me, thank you ... either my coffee or its mate), and don't even talk to me about fat-free. Do not talk to me about fat-free anything. Fat is a flavor-carrier, for crying out loud!

While at B&N I also saw two more books I've just got to have. YES just two! I was only there about ten minutes! One of them is an anthology of stories about dogs (I can't remember the title but I think there was a Dalmatian on the cover ... no matter; I know right where it is in the store) and the other is The Five-Minute Face by Carmindy (she's the makeup artist on the show What Not To Wear) ... if Carmindy can teach me how to prepare my remains for viewing in only five minutes, it will be worth whatever that book may cost. Shhhh ... do not tell my daughter Audrey that I know about this book. She used to talk about Carmindy so much (What Not To Wear being one of her favorite shows), I thought she knew Carmindy personally. When she found out I thought that, Audrey had quite the laugh at my expense! What cheek. You raise them to be respectful, and the first time you behave as though you have a tinge of Alzheimer's, they turn on you.

I'd better toddle off to bed now. More tomorrow, I promise!

AHHHHH! Almost forgot to say, while I was at Wally-World I treated myself to Captain Jack Sparrow! The poster, that is ... the one from POTC-3, AWE! No, I did not already have it ... can you believe that? Tomorrow, first thing, I'll plaster him on the wall by my desk ... beside the other two posters of JohnnyJack! I am a happy woman.