Bring Me That Horizon

Welcome to jennyweber dot com

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Home of Jenny the Pirate

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This will go better if you

check your expectations at the door.

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We're not big on logic

but there's no shortage of irony.

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 Nice is different than good.

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Oh and ...

I flunked charm school.

So what.

Can't write anything.

= Jennifer =

Causing considerable consternation
to many fine folk since 1957

Pepper and me ... Seattle 1962

  

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Belay That!

This blog does not contain and its author will not condone profanity, crude language, or verbal abuse. Commenters, you are welcome to speak your mind but do not cuss or I will delete either the word or your entire comment, depending on my mood. Continued use of bad words or inappropriate sentiments will result in the offending individual being banned, after which they'll be obliged to walk the plank. Thankee for your understanding and compliance.

= Jenny the Pirate =

Hoist The Colors

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I am a Blue Star Mother

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Insist on yourself; never imitate.

Your own gift you can present

every moment

with the cumulative force

of a whole life’s cultivation;

but of the adopted talent of another

you have only an extemporaneous

half possession.

That which each can do best,

none but his Maker can teach him.

= Ralph Waldo Emerson =

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Represent:

The Black Velvet Coat

In The Market, As It Were

 

 

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Columbia Cemetery

To read my articles, click HERE! And don't forget to subscribe.

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Contributor to

American Cemetery

published by Kates-Boylston

A Pistol With One Shot

Ecstatically shooting everything in sight using my beloved Nikon D3100 with AF-S DX Nikkor 18-55mm 1:3.5-5.6G VR kit lens and AF-S Nikkor 50mm f/1.8 G prime lens.

Also capturing outrageous beauty left and right with my Nikon D7000 blissfully married to my Nikkor 85mm f/1.4D AF prime glass. Don't be jeal.

And then there was the Nikon AF-S DX NIKKOR 18-200mm f:3.5-5.6G ED VR II zoom. We're done here.

Dying Is A Day Worth Living For

I am a taphophile

Word. Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Great things are happening at

Find A Grave

If you don't believe me, click the pics.

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Dying is a wild night

and a new road.

Emily Dickinson

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REMEMBRANCE

When I am gone

Please remember me

 As a heartfelt laugh,

 As a tenderness.

 Hold fast to the image of me

When my soul was on fire,

The light of love shining

Through my eyes.

Remember me when I was singing

And seemed to know my way.

Remember always

When we were together

And time stood still.

Remember most not what I did,

Or who I was;

Oh please remember me

For what I always desired to be:

A smile on the face of God.

David Robert Brooks
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 Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

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Keep To The Code

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You Want To Find This
The Promise Of Redemption

Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not;

But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:

In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake.

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.

So then death worketh in us, but life in you.

We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I BELIEVED, AND THEREFORE HAVE I SPOKEN; we also believe, and therefore speak;

Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.

For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

II Corinthians 4

Freedom is a fragile thing and is never more than one generation away from extinction. It is not ours by inheritance; it must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people. Those who have known freedom and then lost it, have never known it again.

~ Ronald Reagan

Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Not Without My Effects

My Compass Works Fine

The Courage Of Our Hearts

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Daft Like Jack

 "I can name fingers and point names ..."

And We'll Sing It All The Time
  • Elements Series: Fire
    Elements Series: Fire
    by Peter Kater
  • Danny Wright Healer of Hearts
    Danny Wright Healer of Hearts
    by Danny Wright
  • Grace
    Grace
    Old World Records
  • The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    Stone Angel Music, Inc.
  • Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Real Music
  • Copia
    Copia
    Temporary Residence Ltd.
  • The Poet: Romances for Cello
    The Poet: Romances for Cello
    Spring Hill Music
  • Nightfall
    Nightfall
    Narada Productions, Inc.
  • Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    RCA
  • The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    by William Voegeli
  • The Art of Memoir
    The Art of Memoir
    by Mary Karr
  • The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    by Emily Dickinson
  • Among The Dead: My Years in The Port Mortuary
    Among The Dead: My Years in The Port Mortuary
    by John W. Harper
  • On Writing Well, 30th Anniversary Edition: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction
    On Writing Well, 30th Anniversary Edition: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction
    by William Zinsser
  • Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    by Steven Milloy
  • The Amateur
    The Amateur
    by Edward Klein
  • Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    by Matt Barber, Paul Hair
  • In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
  • Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
    Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
    by Tod Benoit
  • Bird Brains: The Intelligence of Crows, Ravens, Magpies, and Jays
    Bird Brains: The Intelligence of Crows, Ravens, Magpies, and Jays
    by Candace Savage
  • Gifts of the Crow: How Perception, Emotion, and Thought Allow Smart Birds to Behave Like Humans
    Gifts of the Crow: How Perception, Emotion, and Thought Allow Smart Birds to Behave Like Humans
    by John Marzluff Ph.D., Tony Angell
  • Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    by Andrew Breitbart
  • 11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    by Paul Kengor
  • Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    by Bernd Heinrich
  • Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    by Matthew Rolston
  • Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    by Todd Harra, Ken McKenzie
  • America's Steadfast Dream
    America's Steadfast Dream
    by E. Merrill Root
  • Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    by Alexandra Day
  • Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
    Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
    by Lynne Truss
  • The American Way of Death Revisited
    The American Way of Death Revisited
    by Jessica Mitford
  • In Six Days : Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation
    In Six Days : Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation
    Master Books
  • Architects of Ruin: How big government liberals wrecked the global economy---and how they will do it again if no one stops them
    Architects of Ruin: How big government liberals wrecked the global economy---and how they will do it again if no one stops them
    by Peter Schweizer
  • Grave Influence: 21 Radicals and Their Worldviews That Rule America From the Grave
    Grave Influence: 21 Radicals and Their Worldviews That Rule America From the Grave
    by Brannon Howse
  • Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow: The Tragic Courtship and Marriage of Paul Laurence Dunbar and Alice Ruth Moore
    Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow: The Tragic Courtship and Marriage of Paul Laurence Dunbar and Alice Ruth Moore
    by Eleanor Alexander
Easy On The Goods
  • Waiting for
    Waiting for "Superman"
    starring Geoffrey Canada, Michelle Rhee
  • The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    starring Bette Davis, Ernest Borgnine, Debbie Reynolds, Barry Fitzgerald, Rod Taylor
  • Bernie
    Bernie
    starring Jack Black, Shirley MacLaine, Matthew McConaughey
  • Remember the Night
    Remember the Night
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, Fred MacMurray, Beulah Bondi, Elizabeth Patterson, Sterling Holloway
  • The Ox-Bow Incident
    The Ox-Bow Incident
    starring Henry Fonda, Dana Andrews, Mary Beth Hughes, Anthony Quinn, William Eythe
  • The Bad Seed
    The Bad Seed
    starring Nancy Kelly, Patty McCormack, Henry Jones, Eileen Heckart, Evelyn Varden
  • Shadow of a Doubt
    Shadow of a Doubt
    starring Teresa Wright, Joseph Cotten, Macdonald Carey, Patricia Collinge, Henry Travers
  • The More The Merrier
    The More The Merrier
    starring Jean Arthur, Joel McCrea, Charles Coburn, Bruce Bennett, Ann Savage
  • Act of Valor
    Act of Valor
    starring Alex Veadov, Roselyn Sanchez, Nestor Serrano
  • Deep Water
    Deep Water
    starring Tilda Swinton, Donald Crowhurst, Jean Badin, Clare Crowhurst, Simon Crowhurst
  • Sunset Boulevard
    Sunset Boulevard
    starring William Holden, Gloria Swanson, Erich Von Stroheim, Nancy Olson, Fred Clark
  • Penny Serenade
    Penny Serenade
    starring Cary Grant, Irene Dunne, Edgar Buchanan, Beulah Bondi
  • Double Indemnity
    Double Indemnity
    starring Fred MacMurray, Barbara Stanwyck, Edward G. Robinson, Porter Hall, Jean Heather
  • Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    starring Gary Anthony Williams
  • Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Passion River
  • It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    starring Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert
  • Stella Dallas
    Stella Dallas
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, John Boles, Anne Shirley, Barbara O'Neil, Alan Hale
  • The Iron Lady
    The Iron Lady
    starring Meryl Streep, Jim Broadbent, Harry Lloyd, Anthony Head, Alexandra Roach
  • Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    starring Peter Sallis, Anne Reid, Sally Lindsay, Melissa Collier, Sarah Laborde
  • The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    starring Red Balloon
  • Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    starring William Holden, Don Taylor, Otto Preminger, Robert Strauss, Harvey Lembeck
  • The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    starring Ginger Rogers, Ray Milland
  • My Dog Skip
    My Dog Skip
    starring Frankie Muniz, Diane Lane, Luke Wilson, Kevin Bacon
  • Sabrina
    Sabrina
    starring Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, William Holden, Walter Hampden, John Williams
  • The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    starring Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, Shirley Temple, Rudy Vallee, Ray Collins
  • Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jack Davenport
  • Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    starring Bette Davis, Paul Henreid, Claude Rains, Gladys Cooper, John Loder
  • The Trip To Bountiful
    The Trip To Bountiful
  • Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
    Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
That Dog Is Never Going To Move

~ RIP JAVIER ~

1999-2016

Columbia's Finest Chihuahua

Simple. Easy To Remember.

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Monday
Oct012007

Where Did I Put That Crystal Football?

Now, anyone who knows me even slightly knows that I am anything BUT a sports fan. When we were growing up, my sister wanted to be an astronaut and clamored to be taken to football games. I wanted to be an actress and clamored to be taken to Kmart (where all the nice clothes were). Long ago I said "no" to football and "yes" to black lace. It works for me, and how. But that's another blog. Truth is (stranger than fiction), I'm married to a jock who comes from a whole family of jocks. My father-in-law was a member of the team that traveled with and played against the Harlem Globetrotters in arenas all over America in the early '50s. He knew "Goose" Tatum personally! He later made a career out of coaching high school basketball and track (when he wasn't teaching math). Even my mother-in-law majored in Physical Education (at Bowling Green State University) way back when. I did everything possible to avoid phys ed! I hated dressing out and playing kickball, or any kind of ball. I'd rather do the math, and believe me that's saying something.

All four of our children played sports in high school, though -- volleyball and basketball for the girls, soccer and basketball for the boy -- plus which my husband paid for his own college education by playing basketball and has been a coach for over 30 years -- and not only did I learn a little bit about those three games over the years, but I learned to enjoy watching student athletes play them, especially if the student athletes in question had once occupied my womb. I would say I enjoy watching my husband coach, but if you saw what a wild man he turns into when he coaches, you would know why I decline to say that! Some people come to the games just to watch him coach! It's something to see on a long, otherwise boring winter night. Referees love to "T" him up on a regular basis, whether he yells at them or not. He's real tall and when those arms get to flailing and the veins pop out on the side of his neck as he "instructs" his players from the sidelines during a close game, you're just very thankful you didn't make the cut.

But my husband played football (and basketball, and ran track) in high school, and he loves to watch football (and basketball, and baseball, and track, and golf, and even bull riding) both as an in-the-stands spectator and on television. He's equally enthusiastic about attending professional, college, and even high school, sporting events. For our first date he took me to a major league baseball game; for our second date it was a high school football game. I have mercifully forgotten our third date. When we were dating and first married, living in the Chicago area, he used to drag me (well, practically drag me) to see the Chicago Bulls play basketball. This was in the days when Michael Jordan was only making about eight million dollars a year (you know ... his salad days), but I was too ignorant to be impressed. We sat so far up in the stands anyway, the players (all millionaires) looked like they were about two inches tall, fighting over a ball about the size of a BB. It was less than riveting for me, lest you doubt. But I was in love! I was going to dance with the one who brought me. Enough said.

Yesterday my husband bounded into the office we share here at home, yelling. "South Carolina is beating LSU!" He announced this as though a cure for cancer had just been discovered and it was his job to let everyone know. I kept typing but looked up. Let me explain. We live in South Carolina, so my husband roots for the University of South Carolina Gamecocks. "Steve Spurrier is a genius!" he regularly crows regarding their coach, successor of the irascible Lou Holtz, whom if I cared at all I would have actually liked better. But even though I am not a sports fan, and I'm even less of a football fan than I am a sports fan in general, no matter who is playing against LSU (Louisiana State University, for the uninitiated), I am on principle going to "root" for LSU.

"The Tigers will beat up on the Gamecocks 'fore it's over," I prognosticated, knowing nothing about the 2007 LSU Tigers except that they are in fact a team put together by Louisiana State University in Baton Rouge, and they were presumably at that moment engaged in a football game against the South Carolina Gamecocks. What else did I need to know?

It was a home game for the Tigers, as it turned out, attended by nearly 93,000 fans (the third-largest crowd in the history of Tiger Stadium). See, my mother grew up in Baton Rouge. She went to Istrouma High School and, before marrying my father when she was only sixteen, dated a few LSU football players. I have eaten more than one Po' Boy sandwich within sight of the mascot Tiger's cage on the LSU campus, where the trees drip Spanish moss like lace from a southern belle's sleeve. When I was a teenager I remember being able to hear, through the open windows of our little frame house in Baton Rouge, the roaring from the crowds at LSU football games. I still recall the chants of "Archie Whooooo?" floating on the hot, humid fall air when Archie Manning, quarterback for Ole Miss, came to town with his band of miscreants and faced the Tigers.

Since my husband was practically beside himself with joy about the turn of events in the game between the Gamecocks and the Tigers, a few moments later I got up and went to investigate. Turns out when he made his glad announcement, the Gamecocks had just scored their first touchdown. The score was 7-0 and it was still the first quarter. "No way will they beat the Tigers," I predicted once more. My husband looked morose. "Truth is, the Tigers are the number-two team in the country right now," he admitted. Sure enough, as I stood there in the middle of the TV room on my way to the kitchen for a Caffeine-free Diet Pepsi (my hooch of choice), I saw something that is most likely one of the Reasons People Watch Football In The First Place. LSU, in the person of tiny Trindon Holliday (recently dubbed "College Football's Fastest Man") scored a touchdown after a rather breathtaking 33-yard whatever-you-call-it into the end zone! He looked like the reincarnation of Walter Payton doing it, too. Let's cut to the chase: LSU won, 28-16. Go Tigers. Steve Spurrier may be a genius, but Les Miles clearly has a better team (and he's cuter too). Although it's been over 30 years since I lived in Baton Rouge, I'll have to admit I felt a frisson of pride for the "home" team. Them roots go deep, y'all.

Amazingly enough, as much as I try to avoid overdosing on any kind of sporting event in real life, I adore movies about sports. Among my favorites: for basketball, Hoosiers and Glory Road ... for baseball, The Rookie, A League Of Their Own, Pride of the Yankees, and of course Field of Dreams ... for golf, Bobby Jones, Stroke of Genius ... for football, Remember the Titans, Brian's Song, Friday Night Lights, and my absolute all-time favorite sports movie, Rudy ... you get the idea. I love those movies! You always know how they're going to end but somehow it only makes the ride better.

I also make every attempt to appreciate the fashion aspect of sports. My husband is from Ohio, home of the OSU Buckeyes. I worked for a few years at a law firm in Columbus, where one of my co-workers was such a rabid OSU fan that she made (and insisted that each of the legal assistants wear) necklaces consisting of real buckeyes and red beads on stretchy silver cord! Thank goodness that was only for game days, because big brown nut jewelry is really not my thing! She was a love, though, and how she loves her Buckeyes, so we all indulged her. By that I mean, we wore our necklaces as we ate the "tailgate" snacks she had brought! They (OSU that is) at least have pretty colors: red (I think they call it scarlet), white, black and silver-gray. I can do that! The South Carolina Gamecocks have lovely colors too: garnet and black. Sometimes people around here go overboard with that (I myself would draw the line well before painting the walls garnet and the ceiling black) but in moderation it's pretty.

When we lived in Tennessee, I had to say "no way" to wearing the neon orange color of the University of Tennessee Volunteers, even while at work on game days. Mercy. I have nothing against the color orange per se, and I happen to love the fruit it's named for, but when the orange is a shade so lurid it makes day-glo look dull in comparison, I must point out that it is simply incompatible with my complexion and therefore out of the question as a wardrobe choice. I have been to at least one UT game and I will admit that it was exciting to see the "Pride of the Southland" band -- its members forming the shape of a giant "T" -- run out onto the field at Neyland Stadium while blaring Rocky Top, but after that excitement was over, it was just another endurance contest for me. Do you know how hot it can be in East Tennessee in September, or how wet and rainy in October? They give you all of 11 inches of seat to sit in, and I think the game I attended went into extra innings. It lasted approximately 8 hours, I'm almost certain. I'd just rather be at home, reading a book or watching Johnny Depp outwit some pirates or some criminals or even some hometown heroes.

So the burning question remains: will the LSU Tigers make it down to New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl on New Year's Day? Let me consult my crystal football ...

Monday
Oct012007

Progress Was Made Today ...

... but alas not enough! I'll be typing all day on Saturday, right here at my desk in case anyone needs me! But I think I'm going to treat myself to some Gilbert Grape in a little bit here, anyway, before I doze off. I worked hard today.

I meant to tell you about something new that I noticed at Wal-Mart, a place I actually dislike very much but you'd never know it because I go there twice a week on average. It's just too convenient, I guess! There's a brand new Wal-Mart about five miles from my house. That's farther away than the one I had been frequenting since we moved to this side of town two years ago, but I go to the new one because it's close to where I normally get on and off of I-20 to go on my reporting expeditions. Anyway, at the brand new Wal-Mart at least, they have these new sensors (in the floor I guess) that "wake up" the glass-doored frozen food cases as you approach them. They'll be all dark inside, the contents sort of shadowy in there, like everyone's asleep, and as you saunter along with your cart the interior light flickers on so that just before you get even with the case, you can look in and all the boxes and bags look nice and bright and tempting. It's almost like the cases are playing peek-a-boo with you ... or so it seems to me, but then I don't get out much. Maybe they're doing their part to be extra-helpful and boost the economy.

It's the first day of autumn ... I love the fall of the year. I love spring second best, summer third, winter last. Fall is the very best time. Sometimes I miss the way fall is up north ... much crisper mornings and colder nights, and generally much more color in the leaves. We don't get much in the way of color here in South Carolina. Our big old oak in the front will pretty much just go brown and release about fifty million leaves onto our yard in the front and our pool in the back. We never cover our pool; we just let the leaves sink to the bottom and make a sort of sludge, which we vacuum out with a special leaf attachment right around Easter time. I hate the look of a covered pool. There are winter days in South Carolina when it can be in the high 60's, and it's nice to sit outside by the water with a book. I can pipe Josh Groban out there to keep me company because we have outdoor speakers that look like rocks. Rock music as it were ... and sometimes in the morning I'll look out and there will be mallards paddling around in the pool. You have to be real quiet or they take off in full flight right out of the water! I have gotten pictures ... I'll hunt around and see if I can find one to show you.

Fall makes me go all reflective ... and not just about my wardrobe! I do so love to wear a sweater ... and I love warming up some apple cider and stirring it with a cinnamon stick, and lighting the fireplace for the first time, and the good crisp munching apples you can find at roadside stands, and pumpkins in all the stores, and planning a weekend trip up to North Carolina to see the leaf color up there. I love the way the leaves whirl and dance on the road in front of your car on those incredibly clear fall days that Emily Dickinson called "a blue and gold mistake." October is definitely my favorite month, and it's almost here. I've put the tiki torches in the pool shed along with all the pool toys and tubes and cans of sunscreen that for many weeks have littered the outdoor table. The umbrella is down. Soon it will be time to buy some flats of pansies to put in my outdoor planters, to cheer me all winter long. Remind me to get some extra boxes of white Christmas lights too, to string along the privacy fence surrounding the pool. It makes it look so festive out there all winter, and not so dismal dark.

Monday
Oct012007

The Court Reporter Blues

I have so much typing to do today. I'm a little discouraged about it. I hate it when I have a busy week of reporting and then the typing piles up and I can't leave the house again until it's done. Deadlines are the bane of my existence. At the moment I am stuck in this chair, chained to this desk, listening to boring (apologies to the parties) testimony about slipping and falling on a wet hill. Next I get to relive many hours of testimony in a real estate case ... wow. That makes watching paint dry seem like a shopping spree in comparison. Help.

What I do to stay afloat at such times is, I dangle a carrot-like incentive out in front of me ... such as, If You Finish Both Of These Transcripts Today, You May Pile Up In Your Bed And Watch One Of Your Favorite Johnny Movies Tonight.

I'll let you know which one I chose.

Monday
Oct012007

I Admit It ... I'm A Grobanite

I love Josh Groban. Man oh man what a voice. What a talent. He just might be the Johnny Depp of music (although I hasten to say, my heart does not stop when I see him as it ALWAYS does when I see my darling Johnny).

Here are a few youtubes I found in the last few days ... one is his incredible song Per Te (for you), and the other is In the Arms of the Angel sung with the almost-as-amazing Sarah McLachlan. That was in Philadelphia ... when the camera pans back at the end you can see the Philadephia Musum of Art behind them ... where the famous stairway scene in "Rocky" was filmed ... I have stood right there! The view is amazing. Wish Josh could have been there at the time ... he's a cutie and no mistake.

I'm pretty sure you can click on these puppies but if not, just copy and paste.

Per Te:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKDkXOOHG34&mode=related&search=

In the Arms of the Angel:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZHrbjhwKik&mode=related&search=

Incidentally if you haven't seen my latest paean to Johnny set to the music of Josh Groban, here it be:

My Confession:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AORdQ1ZnYOI

Monday
Oct012007

What I Heard And Saw Today

Today I took my bi-weekly (does that mean roughly twice a week?) trip to Wal-Mart. What a beautiful day it was to go shopping! I'm too tired tonight to blog about what the fall of the year means to me, and how much I am enjoying this beautiful weather we are having, but I will tomorrow. Today I just want to say that there are some interesting new products at the store. First of all, I had to laugh when I saw a new product made by the makers of Philadelphia Cream Cheese (Kraft? I'm too lazy to Google it) ... and that would be cheesecake filling in a tub. The kind I saw was chocolate ... I guess the idea is, you buy yourself a ready-made graham cracker crust (because I assume if you're too busy/lazy to make the filling, you dead sure ain't going to take the time to crush the graham crackers or cookies or whatever and press them into a pan), and just pour the contents of the tub into it, maybe scrape a few chocolate curls on top or dot it with some semi-sweet morsels and spray some Redi-Whip, and see if you can convince anyone you took the time to make them a cheesecake! Mercy. Some of us have our standards. If I bought that stuff I'd likely just get me a big old spoon and eat the cheesecake filling out of the tub anyway ... it would never see hide nor hair of a crust, store-bought or homemade or any combination of the two. So I won't be buying any. Just so you know.

By the way, that is the laziest product I've seen since Uncrustables. When those appeared on the market I simply could not believe anyone would be so unmotivated that they could not make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, not to mention cut their own crusts off. It is unnatural for a PB&J sandwich to look like a cross between a Frisbee and a giant pierogi. Just my humble opinion.

I am also intrigued by but have not yet sprung for (because as lazy as I am, I'm too cheap to pay $20 for it) this new thing they've made to hang in your shower, that supposedly keeps it clean. I didn't just notice this today, y'all; I've had my eye on it for quite some time. The idea is, you hang this gizmo somewhere in your shower. It's loaded with bleachy (I assume) cleaning solution. You press a button on the thing, get out of the way, go plop yourself down and watch TV or something, and in due time the contraption will send a spray of cleaning solution 360 degrees around your shower, thereby keeping it pristine. Ciao, mildew! Sayonara, soap scum!

Now. In addition to its high cost (I mean, my bottle of Shower Fresh cost $3 and it's right under the sink. All I have to do is squirt a few times every week or so to keep our shower stall reasonably clean. After all I am not vying for the title of Suzy Homemaker of South Carolina 2007), I have a few issues with this product. First, I just don't know how that stuff is not going to leave all these streaks down the walls of your shower. Gravity is gravity after all, and after the thing sprays, the bleachy stuff is going to run down the walls in streaks, right? Plus which, I don't know how it's not going to make the floor of your shower all slippery. The last thing I need is to step sleepily into my shower and start slipping all over the place and break my neck first thing in the morning. I'd rather have a dingy, safe shower than a gleaming, dangerous shower. Also I think it would just be a matter of time before I forgot to remove my Martha Stewart washcloths from the shower, and wouldn't the bleachy stuff bleach them out? How could it not? Conclusion: I cannot be expected to change my routine as much as this product would involve!

I had a blissful visit at Barnes & Noble tonight! I went over there for two reasons. First, my darling Johnny is going to be on the cover of a magazine which I would otherwise never buy, namely, GQ. It's their 50th year and they are doing ten different covers ... I am sure you already know I am only interested in one of them. I have B&N on speed-dial and have been calling them for a couple of days now to check on the status of their new shipment of GQ. They know my voice now and as soon as I say "Hello ..." they tell me (in a real nice way) that Johnny's not there yet. As soon as they say he is, I'll sprint over there and get my copy plus a few more for some friends who also want it. That is, IF Barnes & Noble gets some of the magazines with Darling Johnny gracing the front. I already told them I don't want Tom Brady, Muhammad Ali, Robert Redford, Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Michael Jordan (although my husband might want that one), Paul Newman, or John F. Kennedy. I think they know what I'm after but I'll call again in the morning to remind them again! They've been really good about this so far!

Second, one of my top five favorite authors, Haven Kimmel, has a new book out, and I just had to have a copy. It actually only came out yesterday. Its title is The Used World, and after all my member discounts (I had an e-coupon plus my card, and it was 20% off to begin with) the final price was only $15.30! And it's a hardback! I am so thrilled. I have lots of work to do tomorrow and Friday, but I am hoping to have time to sit out by the pool on Saturday and read it. If it rains I'll sit by the window in the living room. Quantities of hot fresh coffee will be involved, with real liquid CoffeeMate, the Original (no flavors for me, thank you ... either my coffee or its mate), and don't even talk to me about fat-free. Do not talk to me about fat-free anything. Fat is a flavor-carrier, for crying out loud!

While at B&N I also saw two more books I've just got to have. YES just two! I was only there about ten minutes! One of them is an anthology of stories about dogs (I can't remember the title but I think there was a Dalmatian on the cover ... no matter; I know right where it is in the store) and the other is The Five-Minute Face by Carmindy (she's the makeup artist on the show What Not To Wear) ... if Carmindy can teach me how to prepare my remains for viewing in only five minutes, it will be worth whatever that book may cost. Shhhh ... do not tell my daughter Audrey that I know about this book. She used to talk about Carmindy so much (What Not To Wear being one of her favorite shows), I thought she knew Carmindy personally. When she found out I thought that, Audrey had quite the laugh at my expense! What cheek. You raise them to be respectful, and the first time you behave as though you have a tinge of Alzheimer's, they turn on you.

I'd better toddle off to bed now. More tomorrow, I promise!

AHHHHH! Almost forgot to say, while I was at Wally-World I treated myself to Captain Jack Sparrow! The poster, that is ... the one from POTC-3, AWE! No, I did not already have it ... can you believe that? Tomorrow, first thing, I'll plaster him on the wall by my desk ... beside the other two posters of JohnnyJack! I am a happy woman.