The Un-Airbrushed Truth

Have you ever noticed how some things you buy perform exactly as advertised (in my experience, rarely), and others (read: most) ... uhm, don't? You TOO? That's what I thought. I have on my desk an assortment of products ... most, but not all, "health and beauty aids." What prompted me to write on this subject is a product I discovered about three years ago. When Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs came on the market I was skeptical. The ads said you got "spray-on perfect legs in an instant" and that sounded too good to be true ... and as we all know, if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is! There are few exceptions to this, in my experience! And when it comes to cosmetics, I have lots of experience. You can ask me anything.

Since I live in a hot climate and wear skirts and dresses exclusively, and since most of my activities call for business casual clothing, the claims of this product intrigued me. When I was a young teenager my mother's aunt used a line of cosmetics by the name of Luzier. I think she may have even sold it, like at home parties, but I'm not sure of that. She's in Heaven and she's not coming back so I can't ask her right now, and I'm too lazy to go to the phone and call my mother, who would know. Also it's after midnight and I don't think my mother would appreciate a call from me at this point in time. At any rate, Luzier had a leg makeup that I used to smear on my skinny legs when I was a teenager. I can still remember how it smelled ... slightly medicinal but so grown-up and glamorous! When you sat down the stuff would invariably transfer to the inside of your skirt, so you had to be careful. All of this came to mind when I read about Sally Hansen's new Airbrush Legs and the promises it made ... hence my skepticism.

But one day I noticed the lovely legs of my college-age daughter looked exceptionally lovely ... smooth and flawless, even though she was bare-legged. I asked her about it and she told me she had used Airbrush Legs ... well, slap me and call me Sally Hansen! Naturally I hied meself over to Wal-Mart and purchased an aerosol can of said miracle product and brought it home. Audrey gave me some tips on how to use it ... "Spray it in your palm, Mom, not on your legs ... then rub it in, in a circular motion, starting with your feet ..." So many instructions! But I quickly got the hang of the stuff and pretty soon I was hooked on it. I don't take the time to get a tan but I hate wearing hose, so this was the perfect solution to looking "pulled together" with my bare legs hanging out when it was 99 degrees outside. It was as easy as using spray paint! So what if my husband looked askance and called me "cadaver legs" ... what does he know? He's not exactly Charles Revson.

All was blissfully well until this past spring. As the weather warmed up in early March, I was using the tail-end of a can of Airbrush Legs from last summer. This was probably the third or fourth can of the stuff I'd bought. I needed a new can to see me through this summer so, on one of my twice-weekly trips to Wal-Mart, I looked for my leg stuff. And looked and looked. The upshot: Wal-Mart no longer carries Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs! In desperation I swung by old faithful Walgreens, and there was the lovely golden aerosol can in my color, Light Glow ... so I scarfed it up, took it home, and stowed it in the cabinet for future use.

Future use time came and I took out the can. I got my legs all airbrushed and went my merry way. Next time ... uh-oh ... what is wrong ... the stuff would not come out of the can! I took off the nozzle and ran warm water over it. I found a safety pin, pried it open, and stuck it into the nozzle to "unclog" it (what would be clogging it?) ... but no matter what I did, the Airbrush Legs remained stubbornly in the can. I shoved the can in a plastic bag and huffed over to Walgreens. My husband was with me. We went inside. I took the can out of the bag, uncapped it, said to the girl behind the counter "Look!" and sprayed into the bag ... and watched disbelieving as a cloud of Airbrush Legs in Light Glow was perfectly dispensed into the plastic bag, where as we all know it could do so much good! My husband smirked but the girl was really nice. She believed me when I said it behaved differently at home! She graciously invited me to select a new can of Airbrush Legs from the shelf and exchange it for the malfunctioning can. Everyone was happy.

Until the next time I tried to spray paint my legs. The stuff wouldn't come out of the can. I returned it to a different Walgreens (thinking, maybe this is a lot number issue) ... nope! Not a thing coming out of the can. Not even air! Press the button and nothing happens except you get all hot and bothered and have to whirl around on a dime and change your outfit to cover your pasty legs because your carefully devised wardrobe plan has gone horribly awry. To make a long story short (YES! This is one of my shorter stories!), I now have a fourth can of Airbrush Legs that is merely decorative. Nothing is coming out of that can! I finally noticed a message shrink-wrapped onto the neck of the can: "New Water-Resistant Formula" ... a-HA. That's it! The new formula is simple and easy to remember: it resists water by never coming in contact with water, because it never comes out of the can! What a clever marketing strategy! The folks in R&D at Sally Hansen certainly do constitute a brain trust!

More tomorrow. Recounting this painful incident has been so stressful ...