Push ... Don't Pull
Thursday, November 8, 2007 at 11:46PM It has always amazed me how much people hate to see anyone go against the grain, and how much they despise those who set the bar just a little bit higher. Also amazing to me is how little people will settle for. I am intrigued by the scene in The American President where Michael Douglas's character tells Michael J. Fox's character that "People [in deserts] don't drink the sand because they're thirsty; they drink the sand because they don't know the difference." How true! People will guzzle sand and call it the sweetest water on earth. It happens every day. And most people don't like it when someone close to them comes to their senses and says, "Hey! This isn't water! It's sand!" Most people interpret that as censure at worst and mild criticism at best, and their first instinct is to resent it.
That reminds me in a roundabout way of something I once read about crabs, and people who enjoy the activity of "crabbing" will tell you this is true. It goes like this: If you catch one live crab and put it in a bucket, you must put a lid on the bucket because a single crab can (and will) climb out. However, if you catch another crab and put it into the bucket to keep company with the first one, you can leave the bucket lid off, because the crabs will latch onto one another and pull. Each will continually see to it that the other remains in the bucket; neither crab will ever allow the other one to escape. Two crabs is all it takes to keep them both contained, and they'll behave this way one hundred percent of the time.
It is another phenomenon of life that, although we may not always realize it when we ourselves are pulling others down, we recognize immediately when others are trying to pull us down. And it hurts! It really does. Having experienced this firsthand, to the extent that I can influence others I would really like it to be true that I encourage them rather than discourage them. This does not mean that I necessarily endorse every single thing they might do; it just means that, inasmuch as I myself want to be encouraged, I should work at being an encouragement to others. And if something unexpectedly good comes about for them as a result of my encouragement, by all means I should have the grace to be happy for them.
(I have told my children many times to never begrudge anyone something good that happens to them, or something nice that another might receive. Why? Because it may be the best thing that ever happens to that person! It may be the last year, or month, or week, or day, or even hour, of their lives. Let them be happy, and be happy for them. It won't diminish you one bit.)
Once you have encouraged someone, and perhaps opened up a whole new world for them by doing so (yes ... you have that power), don't be afraid to let them go where they need to go. Don't feel as though you have to remind them all the time that they're not perfect; they probably already know that. Give them a nudge. Stand on the sidelines and cheer. Remove obstacles from their way if you can ... but whatever you do, don't pull them back down. Maybe you've helped them to realize that they had been drinking sand all along, and calling it water. Maybe your "seeing" them as someone capable of accomplishing a dream helped them to see it themselves, and to set goals and find the wherewithal to pursue them. So don't pull! Push ... gently ... with a smile and a steadying hand outstretched, in case they need it. In case they fall.
Reader Comments (2)
Absolutely! I really don't get it why some people in very powerful positions don't understand that they could get alot more from people under them by encouraging them and helping them to succeed rather than pulling them down. Why wouldn't you want a person to succeed rather than fail? Our words can really make the difference in the lives of people.
They certainly can make a difference. I have a theory ... "powerful" people often feel powerless, and they have a vested interest in keeping you powerless too. You'll be ridiculed if you think for yourself, or dare to question. It's bogus! If a person in power is smart, they will realize that when people under his or her influence succeed, he or she succeeds as well.