Bring Me That Horizon

Welcome to jennyweber dot com

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Home of Jenny the Pirate

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This will go better if you

check your expectations at the door.

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We're not big on logic

but there's no shortage of irony.

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 Nice is different than good.

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Oh and ...

I flunked charm school.

So what.

Can't write anything.

= Jennifer =

Causing considerable consternation
to many fine folk since 1957

Pepper and me ... Seattle 1962

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Belay That!

This blog does not contain and its author will not condone profanity, crude language, or verbal abuse. Commenters, you are welcome to speak your mind but do not cuss or I will delete either the word or your entire comment, depending on my mood. Continued use of bad words or inappropriate sentiments will result in the offending individual being banned, after which they'll be obliged to walk the plank. Thankee for your understanding and compliance.

= Jenny the Pirate =

Hoist The Colors

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I am a Blue Star Mother

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Insist on yourself; never imitate.

Your own gift you can present

every moment

with the cumulative force

of a whole life’s cultivation;

but of the adopted talent of another

you have only an extemporaneous

half possession.

That which each can do best,

none but his Maker can teach him.

= Ralph Waldo Emerson =

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Represent:

The Black Velvet Coat

In The Market, As It Were

 

 

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Contributor to

American Cemetery

published by Kates-Boylston

A Pistol With One Shot

Ecstatically shooting everything in sight using my beloved Nikon D3100 with AF-S DX Nikkor 18-55mm 1:3.5-5.6G VR kit lens and AF-S Nikkor 50mm f/1.8 G prime lens.

Also capturing outrageous beauty left and right with my Nikon D7000 blissfully married to my Nikkor 85mm f/1.4D AF prime glass. Don't be jeal.

And then there was the Nikon AF-S DX NIKKOR 18-200mm f:3.5-5.6G ED VR II zoom. We're done here.

Dying Is A Day Worth Living For

I am a taphophile

Word. Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Great things are happening at

Find A Grave

If you don't believe me, click the pics.

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Dying is a wild night

and a new road.

Emily Dickinson

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REMEMBRANCE

When I am gone

Please remember me

 As a heartfelt laugh,

 As a tenderness.

 Hold fast to the image of me

When my soul was on fire,

The light of love shining

Through my eyes.

Remember me when I was singing

And seemed to know my way.

Remember always

When we were together

And time stood still.

Remember most not what I did,

Or who I was;

Oh please remember me

For what I always desired to be:

A smile on the face of God.

David Robert Brooks
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 Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

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Keep To The Code

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You Want To Find This
The Promise Of Redemption

Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not;

But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:

In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake.

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.

So then death worketh in us, but life in you.

We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I BELIEVED, AND THEREFORE HAVE I SPOKEN; we also believe, and therefore speak;

Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.

For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

II Corinthians 4

Freedom is a fragile thing and is never more than one generation away from extinction. It is not ours by inheritance; it must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people. Those who have known freedom and then lost it, have never known it again.

~ Ronald Reagan

Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Not Without My Effects

My Compass Works Fine

The Courage Of Our Hearts

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Daft Like Jack

 "I can name fingers and point names ..."

And We'll Sing It All The Time
  • Elements Series: Fire
    Elements Series: Fire
    by Peter Kater
  • Danny Wright Healer of Hearts
    Danny Wright Healer of Hearts
    by Danny Wright
  • Grace
    Grace
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  • The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    Stone Angel Music, Inc.
  • Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Real Music
  • Copia
    Copia
    Temporary Residence Ltd.
  • The Poet: Romances for Cello
    The Poet: Romances for Cello
    Spring Hill Music
  • Nightfall
    Nightfall
    Narada Productions, Inc.
  • Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    RCA
  • The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    by William Voegeli
  • The Art of Memoir
    The Art of Memoir
    by Mary Karr
  • The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    by Emily Dickinson
  • Among The Dead: My Years in The Port Mortuary
    Among The Dead: My Years in The Port Mortuary
    by John W. Harper
  • On Writing Well, 30th Anniversary Edition: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction
    On Writing Well, 30th Anniversary Edition: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction
    by William Zinsser
  • Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    by Steven Milloy
  • The Amateur
    The Amateur
    by Edward Klein
  • Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    by Matt Barber, Paul Hair
  • In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
  • Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
    Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
    by Tod Benoit
  • Bird Brains: The Intelligence of Crows, Ravens, Magpies, and Jays
    Bird Brains: The Intelligence of Crows, Ravens, Magpies, and Jays
    by Candace Savage
  • Gifts of the Crow: How Perception, Emotion, and Thought Allow Smart Birds to Behave Like Humans
    Gifts of the Crow: How Perception, Emotion, and Thought Allow Smart Birds to Behave Like Humans
    by John Marzluff Ph.D., Tony Angell
  • Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    by Andrew Breitbart
  • 11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    by Paul Kengor
  • Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    by Bernd Heinrich
  • Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    by Matthew Rolston
  • Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    by Todd Harra, Ken McKenzie
  • America's Steadfast Dream
    America's Steadfast Dream
    by E. Merrill Root
  • Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    by Alexandra Day
  • Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
    Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
    by Lynne Truss
  • The American Way of Death Revisited
    The American Way of Death Revisited
    by Jessica Mitford
  • In Six Days : Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation
    In Six Days : Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation
    Master Books
  • Architects of Ruin: How big government liberals wrecked the global economy---and how they will do it again if no one stops them
    Architects of Ruin: How big government liberals wrecked the global economy---and how they will do it again if no one stops them
    by Peter Schweizer
  • Grave Influence: 21 Radicals and Their Worldviews That Rule America From the Grave
    Grave Influence: 21 Radicals and Their Worldviews That Rule America From the Grave
    by Brannon Howse
  • Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow: The Tragic Courtship and Marriage of Paul Laurence Dunbar and Alice Ruth Moore
    Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow: The Tragic Courtship and Marriage of Paul Laurence Dunbar and Alice Ruth Moore
    by Eleanor Alexander
Easy On The Goods
  • Waiting for
    Waiting for "Superman"
    starring Geoffrey Canada, Michelle Rhee
  • The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    starring Bette Davis, Ernest Borgnine, Debbie Reynolds, Barry Fitzgerald, Rod Taylor
  • Bernie
    Bernie
    starring Jack Black, Shirley MacLaine, Matthew McConaughey
  • Remember the Night
    Remember the Night
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, Fred MacMurray, Beulah Bondi, Elizabeth Patterson, Sterling Holloway
  • The Ox-Bow Incident
    The Ox-Bow Incident
    starring Henry Fonda, Dana Andrews, Mary Beth Hughes, Anthony Quinn, William Eythe
  • The Bad Seed
    The Bad Seed
    starring Nancy Kelly, Patty McCormack, Henry Jones, Eileen Heckart, Evelyn Varden
  • Shadow of a Doubt
    Shadow of a Doubt
    starring Teresa Wright, Joseph Cotten, Macdonald Carey, Patricia Collinge, Henry Travers
  • The More The Merrier
    The More The Merrier
    starring Jean Arthur, Joel McCrea, Charles Coburn, Bruce Bennett, Ann Savage
  • Act of Valor
    Act of Valor
    starring Alex Veadov, Roselyn Sanchez, Nestor Serrano
  • Deep Water
    Deep Water
    starring Tilda Swinton, Donald Crowhurst, Jean Badin, Clare Crowhurst, Simon Crowhurst
  • Sunset Boulevard
    Sunset Boulevard
    starring William Holden, Gloria Swanson, Erich Von Stroheim, Nancy Olson, Fred Clark
  • Penny Serenade
    Penny Serenade
    starring Cary Grant, Irene Dunne, Edgar Buchanan, Beulah Bondi
  • Double Indemnity
    Double Indemnity
    starring Fred MacMurray, Barbara Stanwyck, Edward G. Robinson, Porter Hall, Jean Heather
  • Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    starring Gary Anthony Williams
  • Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Passion River
  • It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    starring Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert
  • Stella Dallas
    Stella Dallas
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, John Boles, Anne Shirley, Barbara O'Neil, Alan Hale
  • The Iron Lady
    The Iron Lady
    starring Meryl Streep, Jim Broadbent, Harry Lloyd, Anthony Head, Alexandra Roach
  • Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    starring Peter Sallis, Anne Reid, Sally Lindsay, Melissa Collier, Sarah Laborde
  • The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    starring Red Balloon
  • Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    starring William Holden, Don Taylor, Otto Preminger, Robert Strauss, Harvey Lembeck
  • The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    starring Ginger Rogers, Ray Milland
  • My Dog Skip
    My Dog Skip
    starring Frankie Muniz, Diane Lane, Luke Wilson, Kevin Bacon
  • Sabrina
    Sabrina
    starring Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, William Holden, Walter Hampden, John Williams
  • The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    starring Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, Shirley Temple, Rudy Vallee, Ray Collins
  • Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jack Davenport
  • Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    starring Bette Davis, Paul Henreid, Claude Rains, Gladys Cooper, John Loder
  • The Trip To Bountiful
    The Trip To Bountiful
  • Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
    Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
That Dog Is Never Going To Move

~ RIP JAVIER ~

1999-2016

Columbia's Finest Chihuahua

Simple. Easy To Remember.

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Friday
May172013

p.s.

One more thing.

If I hear or read again that by having her chests lopped off Angelina Jolie has somehow miraculously and singlehandedly "empowered women," I will simultaneously scream and spit up.

I felt it prudent to point that out.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Weekend

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Wednesday
May152013

Dear Angelina, allow me to get this off my chest

I'm about to wax exceedingly snark-castic. If that has even a one-percent chance of offending you, kthnxbai. 

You have been warned.

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OK. Wow.

Have you, like, heard?

Angelina Jolie -- nutcase extraordinaire -- is the newly-minted hero of all womandom.

Because she had a double mastectomy and breast reconstruction done by what I am sure were the finest surgical teams money can buy.

And she broke her big "news" the day after Mother's Day, just about the time the hot water in which Dear Leader finds himself, reached his shifty eyeballs.

Why would Angelina deem it necessary to publicize her very private health information at all?

She failed to tell her own father. He found out with the rest of us. 

And Mr. Voight -- now in the loop -- is so proud. Just speechless with admiration for his little girl's bravery.

Is the mere knowledge that a fabulously wealthy, relatively young, undeniably narcissistic, consistently immoral woman had both breasts removed in order to avoid contracting breast cancer, supposed to help someone?

Anyone? Bueller?

It's not like this type of preemptive surgery is a new concept or anything. I've been hearing and reading of women making this momentous decision for years.

But from the media hype and fawning which began the millisecond Angelina's New York Slime Op-Ed hit newsstands both real and virtual, one would think she had not only pioneered the idea, but that she is the only woman who ever had the nerve to go under the knife.

Let's get one thing clear: Angelina Jolie decided on the double mastectomy in order to save not the world, or her sistahs, but her own skin.

And while that's a perfectly good reason, it doesn't make her a hero.

Angelina Jolie can afford any test, any treatment, any procedure, any length of recuperation, and any combination of all of the above that you and I can imagine.

What she spent having the test that purportedly "proved" she had an eighty-seven percent chance of dying of breast cancer and a fifty percent chance of dying of ovarian cancer, didn't even rise to the level of chump change for Angelina.

Several thousand dollars dumped into lots of ordinary, hard-working people's bank accounts, however, would make a difference.

Take me for example. Even if I had the money, I would not have the luxury of spending it on the BRCA1 test.

Also I have news for Angelina, global darling and brightest-ever incarnation of Wonder Woman: Girl, you're still going to die of something. And you don't know what, and you don't know when.

And afterwards you will meet your Creator, for which inevitable experience there is no genetic test, no treatment modality, no foolproof charm, no exotic remedy, no preemptive strike.

It's just going to be: Did you believe on the finished work of My Son Jesus Christ for eternal life, or didn't you?

Period.

I hope Angelina-oh-goddess-of-all-womanhood fares well on that day but I have my doubts.

If my saying that bothers you, please do click out.

Because if weird-gelina were ever going to be my hero -- highly unlikely -- on any point, it most certainly would not be because she had the "courage" to submit to multiple completely elective surgeries.

People undergo surgeries every day, often in the midst of dire and frightening health crises. They put faith in doctors; they endure pain and inconvenience; they smile through their tears and fears.

If they are fortunate enough to have loving families, they hope and pray and grieve with those devoted individuals.

Countless courageous women have faced, are facing now, and will face breast and ovarian cancers. 

The women I admire are those who, cancer diagnosis or no cancer diagnosis, value and promote decency.

Angelina Jolie is not one of those women. Not even close.

Women of all ages need to embrace once again more than just technology. For starters, teach your daughters and granddaughters what it means to be a woman with morals.

It will serve them better in the long run than any genetic test or procedure or treatment or constellation of surgeries ever could.

And yeah. Yeah, I feel better now.

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Happy Wednesday

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Monday
May132013

Happy Happy Happy

H E Y !

Just stopping by to say I had a pretty spectacular Mother's Day and I hope you did too.

If the sentiment applies, that is.

I didn't have the joy of being with my own mother on the day, but I'll see her soon. I sent her a present.

Or rather, TG mailed my present to her last Wednesday -- because I was out of town all week -- and my mother has yet to receive it.

We live in the same state.

Leave it to the USPS to mess up the delivery of a Mother's Day present less than a two-hour drive away.

At any rate two of my own girls, Erica and Audrey, arrived on Saturday to spend Mother's Day with me.

I thought that was it for the party crowd until ten o'clock that night when the door opened and I heard the clanking of dog tags.

That was Rambo, who had accompanied Andrew over the mountains from Knoxville, to surprise me.

Talk about happy. Three out of four. Not bad at all. And I'll see Stephanie for Memorial Day, two weeks hence.

So anyway what with TG and me, three of the kids, and two dogs, it was lively around here.

On Sunday Andrew treated all of us to Mother's Day brunch at my favorite restaurant here in Columbia: Harper's in Five Points.

We all had chicken and waffles except for TG, who enjoyed a hamburger.

Then we came home to rest up for Sunday night and lo and behold, my kids came forth with all kinds of gifts.

I received a beautiful piece of luggage, which I needed and had been wanting.

Inside the suitcase was a completely awe-inspiring pink-and-camo Duck Commander hat, which I shamelessly model for you above.

Yes: Believe it or not, I along with millions of others have become a fan of Duck Dynasty.

I also got two gift cards to my preferred retail haunt, TJ Maxx; a book; a giant fragrant bar of bath soap; a new coffee mug; coffee; and strawberry preserves that came all the way from FRANCE.

Mercy.

Take that, Smuckers.

But perhaps my best gift of all (besides the nearness of three-fourths of my children) was that for the Sunday evening service at our church, my son had been asked to sing a solo.

And special for Mother's Day he sang his mother's favorite hymn: Zion's Hill.

It made me cry for many reasons, not the least of which is that unless God intervenes with miraculous healing -- which I am aware He can do, if He so chooses -- we will not have my beloved Aunt Linda with us for much longer.

Linda is my mother's younger -- and only -- sister. You may recall they lost a brother last fall, the first of the four children to pass away.

Earlier this year my aunt got a diagnosis as dire as anyone ever dreads to hear. The situation was so far advanced, Aunt Linda decided against traditional treatment.

She is on palliative care and doing pretty well right now -- and looking beautiful, I am sure you will agree -- but she needs your prayers.

Last week when I was in the Atlanta area visiting Erica, we took an evening and went to visit with Aunt Linda.

We also had the opportunity to see my cousin Lori, who had flown in from Ohio to spend some time with her mother.

Lori has been deaf for her entire life. She is the sweetest, most loving person you'd ever want to meet.

I talked to Aunt Linda again today and she had a wonderful Mother's Day, including a special photo session with all four of her children.

Their father, my Uncle Don, passed away in 2001. So there are four more -- and their children, and grandchildren -- who need your prayers.

I made a book for my Aunt Linda last week, of pictures I've taken put together with hymns and verses and poetry.

This was before I knew my son was coming home for Mother's Day and that he would be singing Zion's Hill in church.

Naturally, it being my favorite hymn, I included the lyrics to Zion's Hill in my aunt's book. 

I'm going to share it with you here, along with my favorite verse in the Bible:

But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.

~Proverbs 4:18~

Also included in her book, along with a funny picture of Rambo, was one of my most treasured Yogi Berra quotes:

It ain't over till it's over.

And it ain't.

And for my aunt, a committed Christian, it will never be over. 

So enjoy your life, enjoy your mother if you still have her, enjoy your children, and enjoy everything you possibly can.

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Zion's Hill

There waits for me a glad tomorrow

Where gates of pearl swing open wide

And when I've passed this vale of sorrow

I'll dwell upon the other side.


Someday, beyond the reach of mortal ken

Someday, God only knows just where and when

The wheels of mortal life shall all stand still

And I shall go to dwell on Zion's Hill.


Someday I'll hear the angels singing

Beyond the shadows of the tomb

And all the bells of heaven ringing

While saints are singing "Home, sweet home."


Someday my labors will be ended,

And all my wand'rings will be o'er

And all earth's broken ties be mended

And I shall sigh and weep no more.


Someday the dark clouds will be rifted

And all the night of gloom be past

And all life's burdens will be lifted

The day of rest shall dawn at last.


Someday, beyond the reach of mortal ken

Someday, God only knows just where and when

The wheels of mortal life shall all stand still,

And I shall go to dwell on Zion's Hill.

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Happy Monday ~ Happy Week

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Wednesday
May082013

You really are

I'll be back on Monday. Until then, grab a tissue and watch this.

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Happy Mother's Day

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Wednesday
May012013

The answer is NO

So you won't believe. Yesterday, for the second day in a row, I had to go to the dentist.

I have a wonderful dentist whom I trust implicitly. He had been insisting for a whole year that I needed to get a certain thing done, but I was loath to endure it both physically and financially.

On Monday at my routine thrice-yearly cleaning, it was decided amongst me, Doctor Dubya (my dentist) and Beth, an adorable and excellent hygienist who is also my dear little buddy, that the moment had come.

To bite the bullet, as it were.

A time was set for Tuesday morning at eight thirty. I was given a prescription for valium to take when I arrived at the office, to calm my nerves.

I am a complete sissy when it comes to dental work. 

During my appointment on Monday, Beth advised that I also opt to breathe a combination of oxygen and nitrous oxide throughout Tuesday's procedure.

"You'll love it," she promised.

And I must say I did love it. I have had sedation dentistry before -- that's where you don't remember anything -- but never nitrous. Another name for it is laughing gas.

I don't remember laughing but I remember feeling no anxiety -- or pain either, thanks to several injections of novocaine -- and I recall saying some funny things.

For example, I know that several times I mentioned wanting jelly doughnuts. I could just taste a lemon kind and a cherry kind.

The dental practice is situated within spitting distance of a Kroger supermarket and I assured Christina, the assistant who watched over me when Doctor Dubya was out of the room, that after they cut me loose I was going there to secure jelly doughnuts.

Christina, who is most affable, agreed that it sounded like a good plan.

And I did do that, and I got some glazed and some old-fashioned cake and some chocolate with sprinkles too. 

This is not, after all, a dress rehearsal. This is it y'all. Carpe the jelly doughnuts.

Doctor Dubya's procedure rooms feature window walls that look out onto trees and bushes and bird feeders. Naturally there is a constant flow of cute, colorful, and clever birds of many shapes and sizes, from dinky wrens to plump doves to poky pigeons.

When you're not spacing out on nitrous oxide and valium, your eyes stay open and you can watch the birds come and go, interacting on and around the feeders.

At one point through my nitrous fog I heard Doctor Dubya remark that a certain cardinal -- male, flame red -- habitually flies into the plate glass windows of the dental practice, practically knocking himself unconscious.

And he accomplishes this without benefit of pharmaceuticals.

Maybe he's in the market for veneers, I volunteered sleepily.

Doctor Dubya must not have heard me because he next opined that for his own good, the cardinal should weed himself out of the gene pool.

I wanted so much to laugh but I couldn't find the energy. I was that relaxed.

Next, Doctor Dubya told a story about going to a dentistry-type conference and hearing a colleague brag that he could make a patient's choppers "better than God designed them."

Doctor Dubya asserted that his dentist friend, while undeniably skilled, perhaps was suffering from a trifle more ego than was good for him.

But he stopped short of suggesting that his esteemed peer be culled from the gene pool.

I thought but didn't say, the doctor with a god complex may be exhibiting more hubris than the directionally challenged cardinal. Think about it.

Then I heard myself reveal, from the midpoint of a ten-mile tunnel: "It's so Hunter S. Thompson the way you are giving me such good ideas for writing."

Maybe I didn't say it out loud because neither Christina nor Doctor Dubya answered. They may however, have exchanged a lifted eyebrow over my head.

I'll never know for sure because I was studying the insides of my eyelids, which were paisley.

Then I had an epiphany and because it was important, I projected my voice as though I were onstage at Radio City Music Hall:

"The answer is NO. N-O!"

That got a reaction from Doctor Dubya. He chuckled and said: "You mean nitrous oxide?"

"Yes: NO," I agreed silently and meditatively.

The coolest thing is, once they nix the nitrous and deliver only solid oxygen through the nose mask, in no time at all you can see straight again and you're no longer obsessing about jelly doughnuts or contemplating your gonzo writing style.

And you can drive yourself home without colliding with a dumpster or a hamster or even a single red bird who has strayed from his flight path.

I went straight to Kroger and got those doughnuts. Then I went home and got my camera, and before the novocaine wore off, I took these horse pictures for you.

Because I promised.

The takeaway? Next time you visit the dentist, even if it's only for him/her to glance inside your mouth?

Just say NO. It's worth every penny.

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Happy Wednesday ~ Happy May

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Many thanks to the folks at Wescott Acres Luxury Pet Resort for allowing me to shoot their splendid animals.

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