Nary A Flake ... At Least In The Sky
Monday, March 2, 2009 at 09:44AM 
Mercy. Wish you could have heard the sturm und drang that engulfed these parts all weekend, swirling like demented moths around the rumor that the Midlands would likely experience a one-to-three-inch accumulation of slushy snow late on Sunday.
It began with talk of rain ... a provocative subject in and of itself. As of last week, all South Carolina counties were officially in a state of drought. We hadn't had any measurable precip for ... oh, I don't know how long and I'm too lazy to look it up. Suffice it to say, it had been too long.
Well, that all came to a sloppy end on Friday as I motored west on I-26 bound for Newberry, to meet my parents for lunch at Delamater's. Along about exit 90, it became necessary to activate my car's windshield wipers. By the time I reached my destination twenty minutes later, it was decidedly moist and monsoonish. I practically sprained my shoulder searching around inside my car for my long-unused bumbershoot.
(Protecting the tresses is paramount.)
We sat at our customary table in the front window at Delamater's, and I enjoyed my usual: the Monte Cristo. You can't believe how incredibly well they build that sandwich at Delamater's!
Get your affairs in order! The sky is falling!
They pile the soft, sweet bread high with succulent ham, rosy turkey, and velvety Swiss. Then they cut it into fourths, plunge each of the triangles into a feather-light egg batter, and tenderly deep-fry them. The golden-brown, lightly crusted wedges are then nestled together on a huge white plate shaped suspiciously -- don't ask me why -- like a guitar pick.
The best part may be the sauce. It's a berry melba, dark purple, not as thick as syrup. You lop off part of your sandwich triangle with a fork and dip each bite in the sauce. I wish I could describe how perfectly those flavors go together, but that's why you have an imagination.
This magnificent repast is completed by fresh, hot, fabulous skinny fries, a tart pickle spear, and ice-cold Diet Coke garnished with lemon.
It's luscious.
(I'll wager Johnny Depp had it only slightly better when he dined at swank Brasserie Lipp in Paris last week. And I didn't have to put up with paparazzi.)
On the way home I hadn't been underway for very long at all when I noticed lights and sirens looming in the rearview. No, they weren't for moi, paragon of vehicular virtue that I am! The car was a sparkling gray and blue blur as it whizzed past me through the raindrops. Then, like a soggy apparition, an identical one materialized behind me ... and another and another and another.
"Traffic will be at a standstill just ahead," I said to Audrey, who was with me ... because the only explanation for all the hubbub was a serious accident in our lane. Less than sixty seconds later, I was obliged to either caress my car's brake pedal or become a statistic ... and probably a litigant.
An hour and fifteen minutes after that, I had advanced my automobile approximately one-half mile. Ambulances, fire trucks, more patrol cars, and various auxiliary law enforcement and first responder vehicles had been flutter-trundling urgently past us the whole time.
When we finally came upon the scene, it was a sobering sight. Car parts were strewn for at least 100 yards in the roadway. Totaled vehicles had been dragged off to the sides, looking as though they had done battle with giant can openers ... and lost. It went on and on. Numbers of bedraggled drivers -- all of whom looked to me as though they were age 22 or younger -- stood talking disconsolately with waterlogged but inquisitive state troopers.
At least a dozen cars and one semi-tractor-trailer were involved in the event, the cause of which was later chalked up to "too many drivers driving too fast for conditions."
*sigh* I done told you and told you ... slow down, people.
By Saturday the chatter about an impending snowstorm had intensified and we were all caught up in the excitement. It rained incessantly but temperatures were high. We enjoyed giant fluffy blueberry pancakes for brunch. I must stop eating like this.
Sunday dawned gray, rainy, and cold. A winter storm warning would hang over our heads like the Sword of Damocles throughout the day, but as usual we went to church. In the afternoon we all kept trotting to the doors and windows, anxiously squinting above. Rain. Nothing but rain. Forty degrees ... far too warm for snow ... but the white stuff was still predicted to appear at around 7 p.m.
Batten down the hatches! Inventory candles, blankets, batteries, chocolate bars and pop tarts! Dress in layers! Get your affairs in order! The sky is falling!
Intrepid, we went to evening service at church, expecting the roof to cave in from snowfall about the time the offering plate was passed. But no; the gospel was advanced without incident. It was still raining as we drove home, and still hovering at 40 degrees.
"It's too warm for snow, and I promise you it won't," I prognosticated loftily to TG and Erica as we entered our subdivsion.
And it didn't. Not one single solitary unlike-any-other-in-the-universe-since-time-began snowflake touched down in the Midlands.
There is copious sunshine as I write, although it is very cold outside. The shellshocked daffodils in my flowerbeds are struggling to revive their buttery petals. They look as confused as those drivers by the side of the road last Friday.
Call me crazy but I think all the flakes this past weekend were to be found behind the wheels of cars on the interstate ... and yammering away at The Weather Channel.
Reader Comments (8)
What a weekend you had - some good, some not! I've seen pictures form some of my southern blogging friends of the snow they got. Crazy weather! Here in Michigan we just got cold, cold weather and some flurries. I'm glad you went slow and stayed safe!
So sorry the snow didn't make it down there--we've got plenty as I'm sure your mother has told you. I must say, though, I'm getting awfully hungry for Delamater's!
I'd heard about all the predicted snow, and of course our temps would drop like a shadow of the colder regions, down in to the 40s or maybe even 30s. It didn't get nearly that cold, but it is too cold to paint today, which I had planned to do. That's ok, there's plenty of housework to do. It is Monday, after all. I enjoyed your account, esp. of the Monte Cristo, I think I gained 5 pounds just reading and drooling. As for the accidents, I worked for an insurance adjuster and I used to have to transcribe everyone's anxious, harried accounts of such accidents. Really made me a cautious person, with a touch of fatalism since they don't call them accidents for nothing!
I am so sorry that you didn't get a flake of snow. I bet you ate those pop tarts anyway! =)
Alan has been in New Jersey all day trying to get a plane out to Harrisburg. I think he is finally in the air as I type. New Jersey got dumped on. The temperatures are too warm for it to stay around for long.
A bumbershoot?!? I was expecting to see a picture.
I don't know why but I had a vision of a bamboo shoot with some kind of hankie tied on it.
Well? =)
Oh, and this thing never lets me post. I have to remove my email and my URL. I need a bumbershoot then I would show this a thing or two!
Well we sure had snow in NC! Goodness gracious. You should see how filthy my car is now.
@ Mari ... it was interesting if nothing else! I would have enjoyed seeing some snow but we'll have another chance next year!
@ Lyn, we still need to meet at Delamater's for a long talk and a Monte Cristo! I haven't talked to Mom but Greg says Greenville got a significant snow. I'll bet it was so pretty!
@ Tracie ... yeah, that touch of fatalism will serve you well on the interstates! I don't know why everyone is in such a hurry. Sorry about the pounds you gained, LOL! That MC really is quite a sandwich.
@ Cheryl ... I hope Alan gets home safely! A bumbershoot is an umbrella ... I love that word, bumbershoot. I am so sorry you have to work at posting here ... what an inconvenience! I don't know why it does that as it's the first time I've heard it. Maybe I can ask some questions and figure out why.
@ Audrey ... I think you saw more snow by going to Lenoir last night than you would have seen if you'd gone straight home from here! I'm just glad you got home safely. That was a scary situation.
"stood talking disconsolately with waterlogged but inquisitive state troopers."
Hahahaha!! Waterlogged but inquisitive state troopers! LOL!! You do have a way with words, my dear!
The food all sounds delicious, although I doubt if I'd fit into my jeans after the half of it.
There is an award for you over chez moi.
@ Jay ... high praise from the likes of you, my friend! As for the food, it's going to do a number on me if I don't stop enjoying it so much.