Lawyers and parents
Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 10:44PM 
Drive to see another day. Photo Jennifer Weber 2010Several years ago, in the course of my work as a court reporter, I was privileged to spend the day with a group of fine Southern lawyers.
Litigators, to be exact.
(A breed apart, litigators. A wee bit like their first cousins, alligators.)
Litigators are the pit bulls of the legal profession: the plaintiff attorneys who see to it that our society remains as tort-crazy as it has become.
I see them as consummate and often indiscriminate aiders and abetters of Americans' over-developed and finely-honed martyr complex.
Then there are defense attorneys -- yin to the suit-bringers' yang -- whose unenviable task it is to buffer the insurance companies and corporate entities from increasing numbers of otherwise ordinary people who insist on turning life's inevitable random events -- from simple accidents to actual tragedies -- into opportunities to make money.
And while they are at it, in some cases prohibiting valid plaintiffs from getting the relief they deserve.
It presents a catch-22 of frightful proportions.
A Boy Named Sued
Nobody knows better than I that many times, people have legitimate cause to sue. I may even be one of them someday ... but I certainly hope not, and let me say here and now, something very bad would have to be done to me before I would bring a lawsuit.
If my profession has taught me nothing else, it has schooled me in the wisdom of avoiding personal involvement in litigation.
However.
Just as I know for a fact that many wronged individuals have ample cause to sue, conversely I know for a fact that there are many entities, corporate and individual, that deserve to be sued.
I would never dispute that.
I've worked many cases in which it was pretty obvious that negligent acts had occurred. People are harmed every day by such unfortunate events, and they're entitled to their day in court.
But that's not what I'm referring to here. It's just that -- well, why don't I tell you the story.
The names will be changed to protect the guilty. Better yet, I won't use names at all. No names are necessary!
This dilemma is truly and tragically universal.
A Brief Misguided Life
Of course where I spent the better part of the day in question was in depositions. The view from the elegant conference room in the Gotham-like Southern gem of a city was spectacular.
I was able to watch the view change all day as the sun tracked across the sky and the sad tale was told over and over again.
Forming the basis of the lawsuit was a beautiful and talented young girl who, a number of years before (these cases go on forever, it seems), lost her life in the wee hours of a morning in late summer when the vehicle she was driving left the road.
In a fatal split second she overcorrected, rolled the car several times, and was ejected.
It was the night before she was to leave home to go to college. She wanted to be a writer.
If you haven't guessed already, the talented and beautiful young woman was drunk. Extremely drunk.
She had in fact been swilling screwdrivers all night in full view of at least twenty "friends" ... "friends" who did not bat an eyelash when, at around three o'clock AM, she got behind the wheel of her car and drove away from the last party of summer.
The last party of her life.
Of course her "friends" were very drunk too. And I am assuming, only because children do not simply fall out of the sky or materialize on earth of their own accord, that all of these individuals had parents.
The party originated at the home of one of the children (those particular parents were out of town), then moved to the home of another of the children, where the parents were presumably asleep.
A Word About Parents
Parents are responsible adults who, one can safely assume, understand and are aware that when teenagers get together unsupervised and are allowed to "party" into the small hours of the night, most likely alcohol will be consumed at some point.
And that sooner or later, the imbibing teenagers will return to their automobiles, crank them up, and drive away.
(It does not take a great brain to figure this out … which is probably a good thing, but in this case, not nearly good enough.)
These parents -- dozens of them! -- astonishingly and grossly in absentia, did just that: Allowed children (and they are still children at that age, not the adults they believe themselves to be) to have cars and stay out all night drinking, even though not one of them was anywhere near the legal age to purchase or consume alcohol -- let alone drive drunk, for which there is no legal age and never will be.
And did not allow it just once. Allowed it to go on for years.
Testimony was given that throughout her high school career at a private parochial institution, the young lady whose death was the subject of the lawsuit had been known to frequent drinking parties.
She always brought her own (large) bottle of booze, and mixers, in a backpack.
You might say she never left home without it.
A No When You Know
Why is it that the same parents who would never dream of allowing a small child to plunge headlong into disaster, when that child reaches legal driving age, will provide for them a vehicle and release them to roam the countryside unsupervised, at all hours of the night?
When anyone with a lick of sense could figure out that, given the circumstances of friends gathering together and the lack of responsible adults to supervise, consumption of liquor may become a factor?
Does this require supernatural powers of divination? I think not.
But most parents do not like to pronounce the word "no," and they like it less as their children grow. So into the sand go their heads.
And sadly, sometimes into the graves go their children.
Let's assume the parents of the children in the group that included this poor soon-to-be-dead young girl were cognizant of the fact that their kids liked to party (which they were), and that the partying almost always included excessive drinking (which it did).
If you cannot summon the intestinal fortitude to say to your own child, "NO, by no means will you attend such a party, don't even think about it, go straight to bed," then why not find your lazy tongue to say, "Okay, kids, the party is at so-and-so's house tonight and here's the deal:
"Everyone surrenders their car keys upon arrival. Parking is ample and free. Adults will be present at all times. No drugs will be allowed. No one who has imbibed will drive away from the party under their own steam. When you're ready to go home your parents will be called, or a sober adult will drive you home."
Or words to that effect.
(You'd still be endorsing underage drinking, but at least the kids might live ... to be better parents than you, one can only hope.)
Sunset comes soon enough. Photo Jennifer Weber 2010
A Plea For Sanity
Have Americans grown so afraid of their own children -- or so blind to the perils of youth and inexperience -- that they can no longer say "NO" for those children's own sake? How tragic.
In the case of teenage drunks, much deeper than the problem of the child's egregious disobedience is the problem of the parents' inability to accept their own responsibility in the lives of these people they brought into the world.
To protect them from themselves.
Because children do not understand the dangers that lurk in certain reckless behaviors, the same way adults do.
As parents we are supposed to impress upon our children that there is a right way and a wrong way.
And a never way.
A Sad Conclusion
The reaction of many parents to these unspeakable tragedies?
What to do when your inebriated child rolls the car you bought for them and is killed? While YOU were the one asleep at the wheel?
Why, sue the maker of the car, of course!
It must be their fault.
And worth a tidy sum.
The parents of children who die under such circumstances should be prohibited from suing anyone. Furthermore, they should be hauled up on charges.
They're guilty of gross negligence. Dereliction of duty. Parental malpractice. Child abuse. Terminal stupidity.
It is they who should be sued, or prosecuted, or whatever you want to call it.
Lawyer up, everybody.
And someone call an undertaker. More has died in America than drunk teenagers.
Reader Comments (7)
Great article, Jenny. The child-parent dynamic that has developed in our society dumbfounds me. Kids/Teens/Young Adults feel both entitled and invincible; a scary combination. Parents are enablers, spineless (i.e. afraid to tell their children "no" or stand up to them), ALSO feel entitled, and oftentimes are outright unwilling to put forth the effort necessary to BE a parent.
And perhaps worst of all, neither party wants to have anything to do with accountability or personal responsibility.
"My teenager died after driving while intoxicated? It's not my fault! It's not HER fault! It's the car manufacturer's fault!! At least I can take solace in the knowledge that some good can come from this unavoidable tragedy. I can sue the car manufacturer and finally lead the lavish life I've always been entitled to."
@ kev ... exactly. I guess what leaves the bitter taste in my mouth is that these parents, after losing a child in such a senselessly gruesome way, refuse to own up to their part in the tragedy. Seriously, it reminds me of an inmate on death row for murder, suing the prison system because they won't feed him a special diet of arugula and tofu. HE WOULDN'T BE THERE AT ALL if he hadn't committed a crime. Likewise, the parents wouldn't be in the heartbreaking situation in which they find themselves after the death of a child if THEY THEMSELVES had taken the reins as a parent and refused to allow certain destructive behaviors. But they SUE ... FOR MONEY ... as if the car manufacturer had anything whatsoever to do with their drunk child getting behind the wheel at three o'clock in the morning and driving away to their death.
Oh...Jennifer.....This breaks my heart! All of it is SO Darn True!! These parents need to forfeit the right to sue....gads....
Wonderful and truthful post Girl....geez....
hughugs
A sobering post on the subject of drunkenness...
Perfectly executed post.
@ Donna ... it's a true American tragedy.
@ jinksy ... I like your gallows humor!
@ Audrey ... thanks luv.
Sometimes no matter what the parents do, the kids don't listen and screw up.
It drives me nuts when people sue just to sue, doesn't matter who is really at fault or whether the person/company they are suing is actually guilty of anything. That doesn't seem to matter for some, they just want MONEY.