Bring Me That Horizon

Welcome to jennyweber dot com

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Home of Jenny the Pirate

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This will go better if you

check your expectations at the door.

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We're not big on logic

but there's no shortage of irony.

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 Nice is different than good.

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Oh and ...

I flunked charm school.

So what.

Can't write anything.

= Jennifer =

Causing considerable consternation
to many fine folk since 1957

Pepper and me ... Seattle 1962

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Belay That!

This blog does not contain and its author will not condone profanity, crude language, or verbal abuse. Commenters, you are welcome to speak your mind but do not cuss or I will delete either the word or your entire comment, depending on my mood. Continued use of bad words or inappropriate sentiments will result in the offending individual being banned, after which they'll be obliged to walk the plank. Thankee for your understanding and compliance.

= Jenny the Pirate =

Hoist The Colors

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I am a Blue Star Mother

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Insist on yourself; never imitate.

Your own gift you can present

every moment

with the cumulative force

of a whole life’s cultivation;

but of the adopted talent of another

you have only an extemporaneous

half possession.

That which each can do best,

none but his Maker can teach him.

= Ralph Waldo Emerson =

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Represent:

The Black Velvet Coat

In The Market, As It Were

 

 

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Contributor to

American Cemetery

published by Kates-Boylston

A Pistol With One Shot

Ecstatically shooting everything in sight using my beloved Nikon D3100 with AF-S DX Nikkor 18-55mm 1:3.5-5.6G VR kit lens and AF-S Nikkor 50mm f/1.8 G prime lens.

Also capturing outrageous beauty left and right with my Nikon D7000 blissfully married to my Nikkor 85mm f/1.4D AF prime glass. Don't be jeal.

And then there was the Nikon AF-S DX NIKKOR 18-200mm f:3.5-5.6G ED VR II zoom. We're done here.

Dying Is A Day Worth Living For

I am a taphophile

Word. Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Great things are happening at

Find A Grave

If you don't believe me, click the pics.

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Dying is a wild night

and a new road.

Emily Dickinson

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REMEMBRANCE

When I am gone

Please remember me

 As a heartfelt laugh,

 As a tenderness.

 Hold fast to the image of me

When my soul was on fire,

The light of love shining

Through my eyes.

Remember me when I was singing

And seemed to know my way.

Remember always

When we were together

And time stood still.

Remember most not what I did,

Or who I was;

Oh please remember me

For what I always desired to be:

A smile on the face of God.

David Robert Brooks
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 Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

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Keep To The Code

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You Want To Find This
The Promise Of Redemption

Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not;

But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost:

In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake.

For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.

So then death worketh in us, but life in you.

We having the same spirit of faith, according as it is written, I BELIEVED, AND THEREFORE HAVE I SPOKEN; we also believe, and therefore speak;

Knowing that he which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus, and shall present us with you.

For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

II Corinthians 4

Freedom is a fragile thing and is never more than one generation away from extinction. It is not ours by inheritance; it must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people. Those who have known freedom and then lost it, have never known it again.

~ Ronald Reagan

Photo Jennifer Weber 2010

Not Without My Effects

My Compass Works Fine

The Courage Of Our Hearts

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Daft Like Jack

 "I can name fingers and point names ..."

And We'll Sing It All The Time
  • Elements Series: Fire
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  • Danny Wright Healer of Hearts
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    by Danny Wright
  • Grace
    Grace
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  • The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    The Hymns Collection (2 Disc Set)
    Stone Angel Music, Inc.
  • Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Always Near - A Romantic Collection
    Real Music
  • Copia
    Copia
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  • The Poet: Romances for Cello
    The Poet: Romances for Cello
    Spring Hill Music
  • Nightfall
    Nightfall
    Narada Productions, Inc.
  • Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    Rachmaninoff plays Rachmaninoff
    RCA
  • The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    The Pity Party: A Mean-Spirited Diatribe Against Liberal Compassion
    by William Voegeli
  • The Art of Memoir
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    by Mary Karr
  • The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    The Gorgeous Nothings: Emily Dickinson's Envelope Poems
    by Emily Dickinson
  • Among The Dead: My Years in The Port Mortuary
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    by John W. Harper
  • On Writing Well, 30th Anniversary Edition: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction
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    by William Zinsser
  • Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Control Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them
    by Steven Milloy
  • The Amateur
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    by Edward Klein
  • Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    Hating Jesus: The American Left's War on Christianity
    by Matt Barber, Paul Hair
  • In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms
    by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
  • Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
    Where Are They Buried (Revised and Updated): How Did They Die? Fitting Ends and Final Resting Places of the Famous, Infamous, and Noteworthy
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  • Bird Brains: The Intelligence of Crows, Ravens, Magpies, and Jays
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    by Candace Savage
  • Gifts of the Crow: How Perception, Emotion, and Thought Allow Smart Birds to Behave Like Humans
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  • Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    Righteous Indignation: Excuse Me While I Save the World!
    by Andrew Breitbart
  • 11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    11 Principles of a Reagan Conservative
    by Paul Kengor
  • Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    Mind of the Raven: Investigations and Adventures with Wolf-Birds
    by Bernd Heinrich
  • Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    Talking Heads: The Vent Haven Portraits
    by Matthew Rolston
  • Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    Mortuary Confidential: Undertakers Spill the Dirt
    by Todd Harra, Ken McKenzie
  • America's Steadfast Dream
    America's Steadfast Dream
    by E. Merrill Root
  • Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    Good Dog, Carl : A Classic Board Book
    by Alexandra Day
  • Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation
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    by Lynne Truss
  • The American Way of Death Revisited
    The American Way of Death Revisited
    by Jessica Mitford
  • In Six Days : Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation
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    Master Books
  • Architects of Ruin: How big government liberals wrecked the global economy---and how they will do it again if no one stops them
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  • Grave Influence: 21 Radicals and Their Worldviews That Rule America From the Grave
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  • Lyrics of Sunshine and Shadow: The Tragic Courtship and Marriage of Paul Laurence Dunbar and Alice Ruth Moore
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    by Eleanor Alexander
Easy On The Goods
  • Waiting for
    Waiting for "Superman"
    starring Geoffrey Canada, Michelle Rhee
  • The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    The Catered Affair (Remastered)
    starring Bette Davis, Ernest Borgnine, Debbie Reynolds, Barry Fitzgerald, Rod Taylor
  • Bernie
    Bernie
    starring Jack Black, Shirley MacLaine, Matthew McConaughey
  • Remember the Night
    Remember the Night
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, Fred MacMurray, Beulah Bondi, Elizabeth Patterson, Sterling Holloway
  • The Ox-Bow Incident
    The Ox-Bow Incident
    starring Henry Fonda, Dana Andrews, Mary Beth Hughes, Anthony Quinn, William Eythe
  • The Bad Seed
    The Bad Seed
    starring Nancy Kelly, Patty McCormack, Henry Jones, Eileen Heckart, Evelyn Varden
  • Shadow of a Doubt
    Shadow of a Doubt
    starring Teresa Wright, Joseph Cotten, Macdonald Carey, Patricia Collinge, Henry Travers
  • The More The Merrier
    The More The Merrier
    starring Jean Arthur, Joel McCrea, Charles Coburn, Bruce Bennett, Ann Savage
  • Act of Valor
    Act of Valor
    starring Alex Veadov, Roselyn Sanchez, Nestor Serrano
  • Deep Water
    Deep Water
    starring Tilda Swinton, Donald Crowhurst, Jean Badin, Clare Crowhurst, Simon Crowhurst
  • Sunset Boulevard
    Sunset Boulevard
    starring William Holden, Gloria Swanson, Erich Von Stroheim, Nancy Olson, Fred Clark
  • Penny Serenade
    Penny Serenade
    starring Cary Grant, Irene Dunne, Edgar Buchanan, Beulah Bondi
  • Double Indemnity
    Double Indemnity
    starring Fred MacMurray, Barbara Stanwyck, Edward G. Robinson, Porter Hall, Jean Heather
  • Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged
    starring Gary Anthony Williams
  • Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Fat Sick & Nearly Dead
    Passion River
  • It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    It Happened One Night (Remastered Black & White)
    starring Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert
  • Stella Dallas
    Stella Dallas
    starring Barbara Stanwyck, John Boles, Anne Shirley, Barbara O'Neil, Alan Hale
  • The Iron Lady
    The Iron Lady
    starring Meryl Streep, Jim Broadbent, Harry Lloyd, Anthony Head, Alexandra Roach
  • Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    Wallace & Gromit: The Complete Collection (4 Disc Set)
    starring Peter Sallis, Anne Reid, Sally Lindsay, Melissa Collier, Sarah Laborde
  • The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    The Red Balloon (Released by Janus Films, in association with the Criterion Collection)
    starring Red Balloon
  • Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    Stalag 17 (Special Collector's Edition)
    starring William Holden, Don Taylor, Otto Preminger, Robert Strauss, Harvey Lembeck
  • The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    The Major and the Minor (Universal Cinema Classics)
    starring Ginger Rogers, Ray Milland
  • My Dog Skip
    My Dog Skip
    starring Frankie Muniz, Diane Lane, Luke Wilson, Kevin Bacon
  • Sabrina
    Sabrina
    starring Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, William Holden, Walter Hampden, John Williams
  • The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer
    starring Cary Grant, Myrna Loy, Shirley Temple, Rudy Vallee, Ray Collins
  • Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition)
    starring Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jack Davenport
  • Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    Now, Voyager (Keepcase)
    starring Bette Davis, Paul Henreid, Claude Rains, Gladys Cooper, John Loder
  • The Trip To Bountiful
    The Trip To Bountiful
  • Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
    Hold Back the Dawn [DVD] Charles Boyer; Olivia de Havilland; Paulette Goddard
That Dog Is Never Going To Move

~ RIP JAVIER ~

1999-2016

Columbia's Finest Chihuahua

Simple. Easy To Remember.

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One Word, Luv: Curiosity
Thursday
Jan112018

Always a bridesmaid

My wedding dress. The bridesmaids wore eyelet.So last Sunday after church I asked bride-to-be Erica how she was coming along on the selection of a dress to be worn by her three bridesmaids.

She, afflicted with bride-brain, mumbled something indeterminate in reply.

It's time to make it your priority, I said. So that in the event something goes wrong, there will be time to correct it.

(The wedding is taking place sixteen weeks from tomorrow whether she/I/we is/am/are ready or not.)

The future Mrs. Chad Porter nodded in agreement but looked a trifle forlorn.

She's overwhelmed. I get it.

Naturally I decided to help out.

To accurately tell you the number of web sites I combed -- not to mention the number of dresses I zoomed in on and the number of links I copied and pasted into emails to Erica, and the staggering number of hours it all took, this search for the dress -- would be like trying to come up with how many times in my life I have watched Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.

The answer is: many. Many many. Use your imagination.

Enough that my knowledge on both subjects is near-encyclopedic.

To sum it up: If you want to find a bridesmaid dress that is the right color, the right price, features enough non-see-through fabric to cover a female who will be on display in the front of a church, and is available in triplicate in the sizes you need?

Well. You may as well set out to herd every squirrel within a ten-mile radius into your living room and make them all sit still for a showing of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.

While wearing little pirate costumes. The squirrels, I mean.

For extra points, teach them to recite the best quotes. Like: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really ... except for, of course, Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman.

 Give up? Parlay.

Take that first part: Color. A particular shade of pink. As it turns out, a wee bit too particular. Like, you'll sooner encounter liveried valet parking at the door of your local Walmart than to unearth the dress in that color.

I do believe choirs of airborne swine would have been spotted in the cerulean skies over Columbia, singing I Love You Truly in four-part harmony, before that happened.

Take that second part: Right Price.

It's simple; easy to remember: We want a dress that looks expensive, but isn't, and/or at one point actually was expensive, but now is not. As in, name-brand (preferably designer) quality, but costing several miles south of a C-note.

Ah yes. Eternal denizens of The Bad Place want an ice cold Slurpee from the corner 7-Eleven, too.

There are scads of dresses out there ... you say. But finish the sentence: ... that are just the right color and are modest and available in all the sizes and only cost four hundred dollars.

Precisely. Four hundred dollars. Why not make it a million.

And now for that third part: Modest.

Oh dear. Somewhere, at some time, for a reason no one now knows, someone decided that bridesmaids must dress like a cross between a nineteenth-century debutante and a tart on a street corner.

I'd be scrolling down a web site, blushing, cross-eyed from scrutinizing hundreds of gowns. I'd see one (in any shade of pink subtler than bubble gum), and I'd stop. The front would look as though it could possibly, in the right light, provide enough bodice-type coverage that I'd venture my cursor over the picture.

Boom!

The little internet mannequin would whip around, revealing that the gown had no back.

If it had a back, it didn't have a front. Or much of one.

If it had a top, it didn't have a bottom.

If it had a bottom ... you get the idea.

I mean, the wenches bridesmaids in question aren't nuns but they're not pole dancers either.

And so it would go. Whole dresses -- in the right color, at the right price, feminine but with the floozy factor dialed decidedly down -- were scarce as flip flops at the North Pole. 

But still I scrolled. Still I sent links to Erica, who also stayed up an entire night, scrolling.

I'd sleep, exhausted, and wake to brew coffee and begin scrolling again.

One night -- late -- I was scrolling on yet another fancy department store web site. YES we had considered all the cheap dresses on Amazon, that come from China and have skirts ten feet long and are put together with glue.

You may have ours and yours too. We may be cheap but we're not about to look cheap. And make of this what you will, but we don't want the girls to exactly look like standard-issue bridesmaids, either.

We want to put our own spin on it. Because we are ornery style makers.

In due time I began to feel the beginnings of a low-grade panic. I quelled it by reasoning that not yet in the history of the world (I don't think) has a bridesmaid walked down the aisle at a wedding naked as a jaybird.

And while I wasn't yet technically desperate, I was ready for us to find the dress. And to know we'd found it, so that we could move on to other aspects of planning the wedding.

That's when I found it. Yes. Me! I found it. I am so happy and honored to have been the one to find it.

I scrolled. I saw. I held my breath. I examined in detail. I stared in disbelief. I dared not blink lest it disappear. I clicked on available sizes. I copied the link. I sent it to Erica and to Audrey, who will actually be wearing it (the dress; not the link).

For good measure I texted both girls with news of an impending bridesmaid-dress-related email entitled I THINK THIS IS IT.

And it was. 

The crossing wasn't entirely smooth; Erica did not like the dress at first. It wasn't what she'd envisioned. I didn't push. Much. Twenty-four hours later, the bride saw the light.

The dress is gorgeous. It was an expensive dress, marked to half price, with additional discounts waiting to be applied. And free shipping.

We found the shoes to go with it on the same web site. Not cheap shoes; good shoes. Beautiful shoes, that enhance the beauty of the modest, well-made dress that is in just about the right color.

(To be accurate, the frock is more than one color. But it is the idea of the color that Erica wanted.)

You'll see.

Within an hour, all three girls had purchased their dress and their shoes to go with it, at truly incredible discounts.

Total for each ensemble: One hundred fifteen dollars. Just add earrings.

Fingers crossed that the dresses fit, and that if they don't, the replacement size will be available. We are not out of the woods yet.

But we are at the tree line, breaking into a clearing.

As the pirate said: We're catching up.

Apropos of nothing (except that for some reason, writing this post made me think of it), I leave you with a clip from The Awful Truth (1937) starring Cary Grant and Irene Dunne.

And that is all for now.

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Happy Thursday

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Reader Comments (2)

I've not visited in so long. I've missed you! It 's been a busy winter here, too, and I'm not even looking for appropriate gowns. The chosen one is lovely, and I sure hope by now all are fitted and the young women don't gain a pound in 16 weeks (less now...) Hope you are all well. Barb

February 13, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterBarb

@Barb ... I've missed you too! So wonderful it is to hear from you. Yes the gowns are PERFECT and we are so thrilled. I however, have bought two dresses online and had to return them both. I'm going physically shopping (in a brick-and-mortar store) in mid-April, where I will try things on until we hit upon "the one." Please assure me that will not be a difficult task, haaahaa. xoxo

February 21, 2018 | Registered CommenterJennifer

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