Lawyers and Parents
Monday, October 1, 2007 at 10:28PM Today, all day, like many days, through no merit of my own -- except inasmuch as I did in fact at one point in time choose to become a court reporter -- I was privileged to spend the day with several fine Southern lawyers. Litigators, to be exact. A breed apart, litigators. A wee bit like their first cousins, alligators. The pit bulls of the legal profession, as it were. The plaintiff attorneys who see to it that our society remains as litigious and tort-crazy as it has become. The aiders and abetters of Americans' over-developed and finely-honed martyr complex. Then there are the defense attorneys -- yin to the suit-bringers' yang -- whose unenviable task it is to buffer the insurance companies and corporate entities from the increasing numbers of otherwise ordinary people who insist on turning life's inevitable random events -- from simple accidents to actual tragedies -- into opportunities to make money. And while they are at it, in some cases prohibiting truly deserving plaintiffs from getting the relief they deserve. A catch-22 of frightful proportions.
I know ... I sound bitter. I'm not, really. Nobody knows better than I that many is the time people have legitimate cause to sue. I may even be one of them someday ... but I certainly hope not, and let me say here and now, something very bad would have to be done to me before I would bring a lawsuit. If my profession has taught me nothing else, it has taught me to avoid becoming embroiled in litigation. But that's a blog for another day. Just as I know for a fact that many people have been wronged and have ample cause to sue, conversely I know for a fact that there are many entities, corporate and individual, that deserve to be sued. I would never dispute that. I have had involvement in lots of cases where it was pretty obvious that negligent acts had occurred. People are harmed every day by such unfortunate events, and they deserve their day in court. But that's not what I'm referring to here. It's just that -- well, why don't I tell you the story. The names will be changed to protect the guilty. Better yet, I won't use names at all. No names are necessary! This dilemma is truly -- and tragically -- universal.
Of course where I spent the day today was in depositions. Several of them, to be exact ... of the kind that go on for hours and hours while, gracious law-firmish surroundings and breathtaking view notwithstanding, you begin to feel that the life is being sucked out of you! I traveled some distance on Sunday to a distant fair city, spent the night there, and reported bright and early to a chandelier law firm in a gleaming office tower. The view from the elegant conference room was, as I said, spectacular ... and I was able to watch it change all day as the sun tracked across the sky and the sad tale was told over and over again. The tale of a beautiful and talented young girl who, a number of years ago (these cases go on forever it seems) lost her life in the wee hours of a morning in late summer when the vehicle she was driving went off the road. In a fatal split second she overcorrected, rolled the car several times, and was ejected. It was the night before she was to leave home to go to college. If you haven't guessed already, she was drunk. Very drunk. She had been swilling screwdrivers all night in full view of at least twenty "friends" ... "friends" who did not bat an eyelash when, at around three a.m., she got behind the wheel of her car and drove away from the last party of summer. The last party of her life.
Of course her "friends" were very drunk too. And I am assuming, only because children of the age these children were do not simply fall out of the sky, that all of these individuals had parents. The party was held at the home of one of the children (those particular parents were out of town), then moved to the home of another of the children, where the parents were presumably asleep. Parents are responsible adults who, one can safely assume, understand and are aware that when teenagers get together unsupervised and are allowed to "party" into the small hours of the night, most likely alcohol will be consumed at some point. And that sooner or later, the imbibing teenagers will return to their automobiles, crank them up, and drive away. It does not take a great brain to figure this out. And yet these parents -- dozens of them! -- astonishingly and grossly in absentia, did just that. Allowed children (and they are still children at that age, not the adults they believe themselves to be) to have cars and stay out all night drinking, even though not a one of them was anywhere near the legal age to purchase or consume alcohol -- let alone drive drunk, for which there is no legal age and never will be. And did not allow it just once. Allowed it to go on for years. Testimony was given that for at least four years, the young lady whose death was the subject of the lawsuit had been known to frequent drinking parties. She always brought her own (large) bottle of booze, and mixers. You might say she never left home without it.
Let me say quickly that never have I made as many mistakes as I have made in the last 27 years, raising four children to adulthood. It is a wonder my children are still alive, much less functioning, contributing members of society. I actually allowed my children to play outside while I was in the house, puttering around or cleaning or some such housewifely activity. There were dogs in the neighborhood, and other kids, and cars driving around, and germs aplenty, but I still let them do it! Amazingly they survived. As they grew, my husband and I allowed them to go on outings with friends, and eventually even on trips that involved getting on airplanes and flying across whole continents. One even went on a cruise for senior trip. They survived. Each of them, in due time, received a driver's license and began driving on public roads. I did relatively little hovering over -- and doting on -- my children. You can ask them and they will confirm this. One of my children told me recently that she liked it that I "left them alone" some of the time, to pursue what they felt like pursuing. Within reason, of course. They had lots of books and toys, and of course videos. They were a joy to raise, truth be known. They turned out well despite all the mistakes we made.
But one of the things I believe my husband and I did right in rearing our four children was a very simple thing. We were never afraid to say the magic word: "No." That is a wonderful word. Almost as wonderful as "Yes," which we also (I believe) used liberally. The word "No," when used appropriately from the very earliest time children are capable of understanding it (which is earlier than most people think), will develop in children the important (dare I say essential) character trait of obedience. And obedience, as human beings progress through childhood and into adulthood, can save their lives. When is the best time to say no? Well, ideally it is when the child is engaging in or is about to engage in behavior that could potentially be harmful to them. What parent would allow a three-year-old child to wander out into the middle of a busy road, or climb into a roaring fire, or play with a loaded gun? One would hope none but the criminally insane. I daresay there are not many parents of small children who would be unable to form the word "NO" when their child is about to do something that could suddenly end its life, or at the very least alter it irreparably.
Why, then, is it that the same parents who would never dream of allowing a small child to plunge headlong into disaster, when that child reaches legal driving age, will provide for them a vehicle and allow them to roam the countryside unsupervised, at all hours of the night? When anyone with a lick of sense could figure out that, given the circumstances of friends gathering together and the lack of supervision of responsible adults, consumption of liquor might become a factor? I mean, does this require supernatural powers of divination? I think not. But most parents do not like to say no, and they like it less as their children grow. So into the sand go their heads. And sadly, sometimes into the graves go their children.
We taught our children to avoid strong drink, as we do -- and I am happy to report that none of them consume alcohol -- but that isn't even what I'm talking about. Let's say the parents of the children in the group that included this poor soon-to-be-dead young girl were cognizant of the fact that their kids liked to party, and that the partying almost always included excessive drinking (which it did). If you can't summon the intestinal fortitude to say to your own child, "NO, by no means will you attend such a party, don't even think about it, go straight to bed" then why not find your lazy tongue to say, "Okay, kids, the party is at so-and-so's house tonight and this is the deal. Everyone turns over their car keys when they get there. Parking is free. Adults will be present at all times. No drugs will be allowed. No one will drive away from the party drunk. When you're ready to go home your parents will be called, or a sober adult will drive you home." Or words to that effect. What's so wrong with that?
Have Americans grown so afraid of their own children that they can no longer say "NO" for those children's own sake? How tragic. Much deeper than the problem of the child's disobedience is the problem of the parents' inability to face their own responsibility in the lives of these people they brought into the world. To protect them from themselves in many cases. Because children do not understand the dangers that lurk in certain reckless behaviors, the same way adults do. As parents we are supposed to protect and guide our children, and to show them that there is a wrong way and a right way. And a never way.
Oh and by the way ... the reaction of many parents to these unspeakable tragedies? What to do when your inebriated child rolls the car you bought for them and is killed? While YOU were the one asleep at the wheel? Why, sue the maker of the car, of course! It must be their fault. I think the parents of these children should be hauled up on charges. Gross negligence. Dereliction of duty. Parental malpractice. They are the ones that should be sued, or prosecuted, or whatever you want to call it. Lawyer up, everybody.
And somebody call an undertaker. More has died in America than drunk teenagers.
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